The Unforgiven
by Djuro
Summary: Jade watched herself loosing everything to Tori. She lost her best friend Cat, the love of her life Beck, the main roles in the plays, everything. After a normal day at school, Jade decided that there is only one thing left. Suicide. Rated M for content and language. Read and review.
1. Loosing everything

The Unforgiven

Another day at school was over as Jade was getting her things and walked towards her with scissors decorated looker. She looked around the hallway and observed what was going on. It seemed like any other day at Hollywood arts. People were singing and dancing in the hallways, wearing different colors and enjoying life as much as they could. She always envied them for the last one.

Being respected and being feared was something she always had seen as the same. In both cases, people minded what they were doing and saying while you are around. But she learned the difference months ago. She was feared. People would avoid her and back of the moment she gave them a mean look. It didn't take much more. One glare from her and the biggest guy in school would back off immediately. She had enjoyed it. She had thought that they all did it out of respect for her. But once a certain brunette came to Hollywood Arts, she saw what respect meant.

Tori was respected by everyone. Nobody feared her. They had no reason to. Her trademark, next to her cheekbones, was her wide, beautiful smile she always carried. She always had time for everyone: time to listen to their problems, time to think about them, time to help them. She was as talented as anyone else and easily won the hearts of both colleagues and teachers. And how couldn't she?

Jade had watched how everything she had earned herself went to Tori. The lead roles in plays would always go to Tori instead of her now. The best grades were not Jade's anymore, but Tori's. She watched as Tori entered into her group of friends and slowly won everyone over. Jade fought it with everything she had. She tried to bully her out the first day, but failed. She tried to get her expelled, but failed. She tried everything she thought would work, but it all had the same result: Tori stood tall in the end of them all. She always won, and after she won, she didn't even rub it in Jade's face. The opposite was the truth. She always tried to win Jade over as a friend.

Jade watched how her best friend Cat slowly became Tori's best friend. She noticed the lesser amount of calls and messages Cat sent her. She noticed how Cat would now always go to Tori if she needed advice or help. It hurt her. It hurt to know that her childhood friend found someone better. And Jade had nobody to blame but herself. It was her who drove Cat away. Since she had been with Beck she pushed Cat away. Jade justified her actions by telling herself that it was okay. She wanted to spend more time with her boyfriend. Cat was selfish if she thought else. Now, she realized who the selfish one was. She would always go to Cat when Beck and she had a fight, and that wasn't a rare thing. Every time Cat would let her in, talk to her, calm her down and then Jade would leave again. She never said thank you. She never felt it necessary. Now, she watched Cat be happier than ever. She knew that Tori would always be there for the redhead. She knew that Tori would listen to her. She knew that Tori would never push Cat away for someone else. She knew that Tori would be grateful for everything Cat does for her, and that she would show it. She would do everything right Jade had done wrong.

Jade watched the love of her life slowly drift away. She saw it the moment she saw how he looked at Tori. The first time they met, when Tori accidentally spilled coffee on him and tried to rub it away. Since then she clawed and fought for him. But again, she did it the wrong way. Her jealousy led to constant fighting. Their fighting finally led to their final breakup. It wasn't like the first time. The first time it was her who did it because of nothing. She found herself asking the one person for help who she tried to hate for so long. And Tori did help her. Without her, they wouldn't have gotten together in the first place. And even after that, Jade still managed to screw up again. When he didn't come after her that day… when he didn't open the door, Jade realized that she had done it. She had screwed up everything. She never wanted it to end that way. The arguments were something she only did because they would always reconcile immediately. She felt the most secure during those. Only then, in these short moments, did she feel that he was truly hers. When he would hold her in his arms and tell her that he loved her. But she never truly managed to appreciate the moments. She always wanted more. More of those same moments. But now, that would never happen again. Now, his heart was Tori's. He was now in love with a girl who would never argue with him about nothing. She wouldn't be jealous. She would trust him and enjoy every moment they spent together. She would do everything Jade couldn't.

After the breakup, Jade tried to fix things. She tried hanging out with Cat, but that only caused Cat more trouble than she bargained for. It was only through sheer luck that Mr. Gibbons didn't fire Cat's mom for the things Cat hadn't even done. Had Jade not forced herself into that situation, Cat wouldn't have had to be afraid of any of those things. It led to realization. Jade and Cat could never be what it used to. Jade was too much trouble for that, and if hanging out with Cat would only lead to Cat getting hurt and sad, Jade wouldn't do it.

The straw that broke the camels back was before the Platinum Music Awards. It was supposed to be her moment. It was supposed to be her victory again, after so long. It was supposed to be the night she beat Tori. At the rehearsal, Cat left her video chat on and Jade watched as Beck leaned it in an attempt to kiss the one girl that had taken everything away from her. The moment Tori pushed him away was the moment Jade realized she lost. It was the moment when she admitted defeat. When Tori didn't want Beck only because of her, Jade realized that she would never be better than Tori. It was when she understood why everyone respected her. Tori was simply better than her, because she honored her friendship to a person who never did a nice thing for her more than a relationship with the number one bachelor of Hollywood Arts.

That day, Jade decided she would do the one right thing. She gave Tori her spot back and watched Tori steal the show. Tori didn't fail. She never did.

Since then Jade had become more silent. Her fierce nature seemed gone. She didn't glare at people anymore. She didn't deadpan them. Her sarcasm seemed gone. She noticed how people were looking at her differently. She noticed that they were less and less afraid of her.

She came home into an empty house. Her friends and teachers were not the only ones that replaced her. Mr. West's new girlfriend brought along her eleven year old daughter who took away the last, small amount of attention her father had given her. He never had much of it, but the small amounts left meant so much to Jade. The fact that he would come to one of her plays meant the world to her, and now even that small, almost non existent possibility is gone. Her mother had replaced her years ago with alcohol, which only made her dad's attention mean so much more.

She had truly lost everything now. Her father to a better daughter. Her roles to a better actor and her friends to a much better friend. Jade walked to her room with that knowledge and dropped her things to the ground. She turned of her phone and took of her jacket. She walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. She stared at her image for a long time, thinking about everything one last time. But the decision was final. It was for a long time now. There was no turning back. There was no more denial. No more chances. She opened the mirror and looked into the cabinet. She took out the pill bottles and walked downstairs with them, placing them on the kitchen table.

In the cabinet she found everything she needed. Her mother hadn't even noticed that a bottle of whiskey was gone. Miss West lost track of everything the moment in the day liquor touched her lips, and that was usually immediately.

She carried everything to the living room and sat down on the couch. She dropped all the pills in her hand and after a long breath put them all in her mouth, drowning them down with a few gulps from the bottle. Now, she only had to wait. It wouldn't take long before her heart would be overwhelmed with the chemicals she just had taken. It would stop beating and she would be relieved of her misery. Her father won't care. Beck stopped caring a long time ago. Robbie might be relieved that one of his biggest bullies was gone. Cat had Tori to take care of her and would be over Jade soon.

"You better take care of them." Jade uttered, thinking about the half Latina. She slowly faded away, noticing her heartbeat getting slower and slower. It didn't hurt; not nearly as much as life had. The last thing she heard was the door opening and someone rushing towards her a few seconds later, yelling her name.


	2. Another screwup

Jade slowly felt her senses return to function. She tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids seemed as if they were glued together. She heard a peeping and some other noises she couldn't distinguish, trying to remember where she was. It then hit her. She remembered taking the pills and swallowing them with a good gulp of good old Jack Daniels. She wondered if she was in hell. Certainly, a person like herself would never be allowed to join the kingdom of God. The idea quickly lost its strength once she found herself entangled in a familiar smell. A smell she hated since she had experienced it the very first time.

She slowly managed to open her eyes, the blurry surrounding confusing her even more. She heard something, but still had no idea what it could be. After a few moments her vision cleared. She finally could see again. The first thing she saw was the white ceiling. Once she lowered her gaze to avoid the bright light, she noticed the covers put over her. She turned her head to see where the beeping came from. The heart monitor was standing right next to her bed. She saw the IV's in her arm and finally realized what was going on. She wasn't in any afterlife. She was alive. Her attempt of suicide failed.

She began to panic. _No. NO! How could I fail at that? _She thought trying to remove the needles only to feel two hands on her shoulders hold her down. She looked at the person, more than shocked to see no one else but the young woman who took everything from her stand next to her and attempting to calm her down.

"T…T…Tori?" Jade weakly said, shock and disbelief defining her voice.

"It's okay. I'm here." Tori softly said. "The nurse is on her way. You have to stay calm."  
"N…no!" Jade said, trying to struggle but found herself barely strong enough to raise her hand.

"Jade, you were in coma for four days. You have to be careful." Tori told her after she grabbed Jade's hand and gently placed it down.

"H…How is this possible?" Jade asked. She didn't understand how she managed to survive such a lethal dosage of her mom's painkillers and anti depressants.

"Cat found you." Tori simply said. She tried to stay calm for Jade's sake. If she let her excitement and anger overtake her, things would go bad.

"Cat? How? Why were you even…" Jade tried, but found herself lacking the words.

"You were weird the whole day and Cat was worried. When you forgot your wallet at school Cat wanted me to drive you to your place so she could give it back to you. Thank god I did." Tori explained. She remembered the scream she heard from the usually happy redhead. "When I heard Cat scream your name I ran inside and found her shaking and crying next to you, trying to wake you up. When I saw the pill bottles and the whiskey, I immediately dialed 911 and gave you CPR when I saw that you weren't breathing." Tori finished, the last part coming out barely holding away a sob. It was a view she would never forget.

"So… you saved my life." Jade weakly said. She felt anger fill her. But it wasn't directed at Tori. She was angry with herself. Not because she tried to take her own life. She was angry because she failed. Because others found her and managed to save her. Now, she would have to deal with the consequences. She would have to explain.

"Why did you do this?" Tori finally asked, sitting down on the bed next to Jade. Jade watched her. After everything that happened between them, now she could add the fact that Tori saved her life to the list.

"Why do you care?" Jade spat back. She didn't want to deal with it now. She couldn't. _God, why didn't I die!_ She thought. It would have freed her. It would have relieved her from the pain. The depressions. The self doubts. Everything would be over.

"Why do I care? Are you fucking kidding me?" Tori asked in an angry voice, not able to control her emotions anymore. Jade was more than surprised at the tone Tori answered her in. She never heard her be really angry. She never heard her swear. "I care because one of my best friends tried to kill herself and is only alive because of a stroke of luck. If Cat hadn't insisted on seeing you, you would be dead now!" Tori angrily said. She wanted to slap some sense into the Goth, but that wasn't possible now. Not while Jade was in the hospital.

"We are not friends." Jade simply said in a neutral tone, making Tori even angrier.

"Really? After everything you are still going on with this bullshit?" Tori asked in a calm voice. Too calm. Right now she was in a state of tranquil fury. The explosives were there. It only needed a small spark to release it. Tori hoped for their well being that Jade wouldn't cause it.

"I wouldn't even be in this situation if it wasn't for you! This all is your fault!" Jade yelled back, her voice full with the anger and bitterness that she held inside for all those years. She looked at Tori, whose eyes were slowly filling with tears. Tori got up and walked outside, not saying another word. She wouldn't explode. Not while she was in an hospital. Not when Jade finally woke up.

Tori walked towards her car, not caring that she was openly crying the whole time. She sat down into the car and punched the steering wheel multiple times, before leaning back and letting out a long sigh. It was her fault? How? What did she do this time? She didn't understand Jade anymore. After she calmed down a bit, she turned the ignition to start the car and drove off.

Jade was left in her hospital room by herself, thinking about what just happened. She felt bad immediately. Tori had saved her life and Jade still threw the blame at her. She blamed Tori even though she didn't deserve a single of the accusations.

The nurse finally arrived and looked at the crying young woman in front of her.

"Hi Jadelyn. My name is Stacy." She said while she was checking on the IV's and the heart monitor. Everything seemed fine. "You had us all scared for a while."

"What do you mean?" Jade asked in a weak tone.

"Well, you barely made it. It was truly a miracle that you pulled out. Had that friend of yours not given you CPR before the ambulance arrived, you would be dead. Your heart had already stopped beating." Stacy explained. She then looked around the room, noticing someone missing. "Where is your friend? That pretty brunette?"

"She is not my friend." Jade simply said.

"Really? I thought she was your sister or something at first. I wonder why she was here all the time if you aren't even friends."

"She was what?" Jade asked, wondering if she heard right.

"She spent the last four days here. There was also a small, pretty young girl with red hair who came here with her the past three days. I believe her name was Catherine."

"Y…Yes, that's Cat. H… how did she look?" Jade asked in a shaky voice. She imagined Cat's reaction when she saw her seemingly dead body.

"She was in shock as you can expect. But while she would leave after a few hours, the brunette one staid here the whole time. I told her that we would take care of you, but she wouldn't listen."

Jade felt guild overwhelm her at the information. _Really? After everything she saves my life and then stays next to me all the time? And I blamed her? Good job Jade. Good fucking job! You really can't do anything right! _Jade told herself, trying to hold back the hot tears. She was a wreck, to say at least; both physically and emotionally.

"You are lucky that your heart isn't permanently damaged. Usually when people survive an overdoses, their heart get damaged enough to bind them to medicine for live of even reduce their lifespan immensely. You really had luck on your side that day."

"When will I be able to get out?" Jade asked.

"Easy there, girl. You just woke up from an attempted suicide. For now, you are under suicide watch. In a few days we will let you out, but I would suggest you see a psychologist. We wouldn't want you to try again, you know."

"Did… did anyone call my family?"

"Your, well, not friend took care of that too. She called your parents, but I haven't seen them yet. Maybe they were here while I was in another shift." Stacy explained. She then left to go see the other patients.

"No, they weren't." Jade simply said before she let herself cry freely. Why didn't it work? Why did she yell at Tori? Where was Beck? Where were the others? Were Tori and Cat the only ones who cared? How was Cat now?

All those questions wouldn't get out of Jade's mind, haunting her before she succumbed to sleep again.


	3. A father's love

Being in the hospital under suicide watch was something Jade considered worse than death. She was barely allowed anything. Sure, it was only for a few days, but time simply seemed to go slower every day. This resulted in boredom. Boredom resulted in her mind thinking about everything. About how Tori was the one being next to her while she was in coma. About how she yelled at Tori even after the later one saved her life and stayed by her side. About how nothing would go as planned in her life for so long now.

Stacy walked into the room for a regular checkup. She had quickly grown fond of the young Goth. There was simply something about Jade and what had happened in the past few days. Although Stacy didn't know the full story, she knew that Jade must have had good reasons to do what she did. It wasn't something simple. Suicide never is.

"How do you feel Jade?" Stacy asked while checking everything.

"Like in prison." Jade said in a bored tone. She didn't want to be here anymore. She simply wanted to go home and lie down in her bed.

"Well, just like prison, you are here because of your own doing." Stacy simply answered back, earning a small snigger from Jade. "The brunette didn't come visit you since yesterday, did she?"

"No." was the only response Jade gave her. She didn't want to think about Tori. Every time she did, guilt and anger would overwhelm her. Guilt because of what she had said to her. Anger because all this wouldn't have happened had it not been for the half Latina stepping into her life.

"Weird. I really hoped to see her again. She is such a nice young lady." Stacy said, remembering the conversations she had with Tori. They talked about a lot of things. Through Tori she had found out about the school they go in, Jade's ambitions and much more things. She was also more than touched by the fact that the young girl wouldn't leave her friends side through all this. She had not seen such a selfless act from the younger generations for a long time.

"Can we please change the subject?" Jade asked in an angry tone.

"Ok, if you say so." Stacy simply answered, unfazed by the anger that came with the question. After all the years of working in the hospital, the experienced nurse really couldn't be surprised or shocked by anything. "Everything seems fine. I'll come back later." Stacy said as she made her way towards the door. The door then opened just as she was reaching for the handle. A tall man in his mid forties and wearing a suit walked into the room. He had a emotionless expression and cold eyes.

"Can I help you?" Stacy asked the man.

"I'm Mr. West. I came to see my daughter." He said in a deep, emotionless voice.

"Oh, yes, this is the right room. I'll leave you alone then." Stacy said before walking out of the room.

Mr. West turned his gaze to his daughter. She was lying in her bed; refusing to look at the man she called her father.

"Jadelyn." He simply said as he sat down on the chair next to the bed.

"Dad." Jade replied as coldly as her father. They never spoke much. She never had a good relationship with him, and it only worsened after the divorce. Although her mother was an alcoholic and was barely able to take care of herself, Jade preferred her over the cold, not caring businessman her father was. He never cared about her dreams or ambitions. To him, there were only two important things: Money and he himself. The final nail in the coffin that was their relationship came with his new girlfriend and her daughter. She was everything he had wanted Jade to be. She never rebelled. She always obeyed. She never spoke back. She was nothing more but a marionette in the puppet theater Mr. West loved to control.

"How do you feel?" He asked her.

"Why do you care?"

"Jade, I'm your father. Answer my question." He told her, his voice slowly filling with emotion. But it wasn't the emotion Jade always wanted from him. His voice slowly filled with anger. While a real father would have being devastated that his daughter tried to take her own life, he seemed not to really care about it.

"Well, how do you think I feel?" She asked him, her own emotions getting dominated by the rising anger.

"What you have done was stupid."

"Oh, you think?" She said in a sarcastic tone.

"I want you to apologize. Now!" He demanded in a rough tone.

"Apologize for what?" Jade asked, not understanding where this was leading.

"I want you to apologize to me for making me look even worse in front of my colleagues." He told her. She just stared at him in disbelief. He didn't even ask why she wanted to die. He didn't care. He never did.

"W…w…what?" Jade stuttered in disbelief.

"Jade, I am a respected, well know businessman with many contacts. It's hard enough to have a good image when your ex wife is a fucking drunk, but now my daughter tries to kill herself? How the hell do you think does this make me look?" He asked with an angry voice. Jade felt hot tears run down her cheek. He couldn't be serious. His image was everything he cared about. She wanted to kill herself, no, she tried to kill herself. She pulled through with her plan. It wasn't to get attention. She actually tried to take her own life and only survived because of a incredible stroke of luck, and he was thinking about his image.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Your image? Is that what you only care about?" Jade asked him, her voice shaky from anger.

"My image is the only reason you are able to go to your fancy school, wear your stupid clothes, drive your damn car and life your life the way you do!" He yelled as he stood up. She saw the anger in his eyes. He was really serious with this. "Where would you be without me? You and the nutcase of your mother are the worst thing that happened in my life! I work my ass off every day so you and your mother don't have to. I pay for your retarded school and you will probably be on my pocket for the rest of my life when your stupid dreams go down the drain. Artists, pf. And what do you do? After everything I gave you, you make me look like a lousy father to my colleagues because of your own goddamn stupidity."

"You are a lousy father!" She shot back with every bit of venom she could muster up in her voice. She then felt a sharp pain on her cheek. He had slapped her. She covered her cheek with her hand as she looked down, seeing the tears drip down on her blanket.

"Don't you talk to me like that you little spoiled brat! I am your father and you will show me respect! Now, when they let you out of here, you will go to a shrink or the goddamn loony bin for all I care. It's your fault and you are going to take the blame for this. With that, all responsibility will go off me. How the hell am I supposed to control a crazy bitch like you anyway?" He finished. Jade looked at him in disbelief. He would send her to a psychiatric institution simply to make himself look better.

"No. I won't go." She told him, trying to make her voice as strong as possible, but it ended up being something closer to a whisper.

"You will do as I tell you! I am your father and I'm ordering you to do this!" He screamed again.

"Fuck you! I'm eighteen, and you can't force me. I won't go. And you know what? Fuck you and fuck your image. You are a lousy, selfish son of a bitch who never cared about me. As far as I'm concerned, you can go straight to hell!" She yelled at him.

"You stupid cunt!" He said with anger as he began beating her. She covered herself with her hands, trying to protect her body. A few moments later the door swung open as Stacy ran inside and grabbed his hand, trying to drag him away.

"Get out of here!" She yelled at him. "Get out of I'll call the police!" He pulled away from her grasp as he fixed his tie and his suit.

"Fine, I'll go. And Jade, don't you dare to come to my place again. I'm throwing you and your things out." He told her before he left. Stacy turned around to see a crying Jade lying in her bed, having pulled herself in a fetal position.

"Are you okay?" Stacy softly asked.

"G…go… go away." Jade told her. She didn't want to see anyone now. She didn't want anyone to see her now. She couldn't believe how selfish her father was. How he could say all those things to his own daughter. How he could do all those things to his own daughter. Fathers are supposed to love their children and be there for them, and not make their lives a living nightmare.

Jade cried herself to sleep again that night, her body aching from the beating her father had given her. Now, she only wished for it to end. She didn't want to live anymore. Not like this.


	4. Home again

Jade still couldn't believe what her father had done. Two days later and she still couldn't prevent herself from crying like a little child. And how could she? Her own father had abandoned her. She didn't know why she even bothered with life right now. Once she gets home, she'll simply try again. She considered hanging. It was quicker and there certainly wasn't a way of people saving her immediately.

"Aren't you happy to go home?" Stacy said as she came in. She tried to calm Jade down since the incident the day before. She only grew fonder to the young Goth as the days passed.

"No." Jade simply answered, not bothering to look at the nurse. Jade knew that Stacy cared. She knew that she was worried. But why would Jade show affection now? It never helped, and it would be over soon.

"Well, you sure are the first one who isn't excited of getting out of the hospital."

"Whatever." Jade said as she got out of the bed. She honestly was relieved to finally get out of the hospital. It did hurt her that nobody else came to visit her though. Cat sent a message, explaining that her parents wouldn't drive her and she had no other means of getting there and asked Jade how she was. Jade knew that it was true. The Valentines never liked her because they thought that she was a bad influence on her daughter. They must be running circles out of joy now that Tori filled that spot in their daughter's life.

"Is anyone going to pick you up?" Stacy asked after a long, awkward silence. Jade only shook her head.

"My dad certainly won't do it and I don't have anyone else." Jade explained. She knew that Beck wouldn't do it. Andre had taken Beck's side after the breakup and basically distanced himself from Jade. Robbie immediately took the opportunity to take Beck's side. He had never been fond of Jade, and she didn't blame him. After everything she had said about him and done to him, she understood. Cat and Tori had always taken the neutral position. Cat didn't want any conflict with the guys while Tori did take Beck's side, but for some reason Jade didn't understand never distanced herself like the others did.

"I could call you a cab?" Stacy said, hoping to be as supportive as she could. She knew that Jade needed it.

"No, thanks. I'll walk. It's not far." Jade said as she walked out of the hospital room. She lied about the last part. It was an hour and half walk towards the place her mother and she lived. But Jade didn't mind. It would be a nice time of rethinking everything and planning a good way of leaving the world. She didn't want to screw it up again. Why live if everyone and everything basically went against her anyway.

The elevator finally stopped at the bottom floor as she got out and walked outside. After taking a few steps she noticed the single car on the parking lot. After a better look, she saw Tori standing there, leaning on her Mustang and waiting for something. Jade curiously walked over to the car. She didn't expect to see Tori of all people ever again. Not after what Jade had said.

"Vega?" Jade said in a confused tone. Tori only opened the passenger door and walked around to the driver's side, getting in the car without saying a single word. Jade stood there confused, looking at the girl who didn't even bother to glance back at the Goth. Jade got in the passenger seat and closed the door, turning her head to look at the girl who had saved her life not four days ago. "What are you doing here?" Jade finally asked. Tori's expression was cold. Emotionless. It was something Jade had never seen on the young half Latina.

"I'm driving you home." Tori said as she reversed out of the parking lot and drove off towards Jade's house.

"But… why? How did you?" Jade stuttered, confused at what was going on.

"Cat told me about what happened." Tori simply said and turned on the radio, increasing the tune so that a conversation was not possible. Jade looked at Tori before turning her gaze on the road. She didn't understand the girl. She never did before but now it really didn't make any sense. The last time they talked Jade blamed Tori for everything. Now, Tori was doing her another favor. Why? Maybe Cat asked her to.

After a twenty minute drive, Tori stopped in front of Jade's place. She parked her car in Jade's driveway and turned the ignition. Both girls were sitting there in silence for a while. Tori didn't look at Jade once during the whole ride and now she was only looking out of her side of the window. Jade sat there uncomfortably, trying to understand what was going on.

"Thank you for picking me up." Jade said in a weak tone. "I… I'm sorry about…"

"Don't even start." Tori said in a cold voice before leaning towards Jade's side and opening the passenger door for her. She didn't want to hear any half assed excuse. Tori had made a decision that day after she came back from the hospital, and she would stick to that decision.  
Jade let out a long sigh before stepping out and slamming the passenger door. Tori immediately turned the ignition and drove off. Jade felt quilt overwhelm her as she watched her speed off. Jade's words must have been the straw that broke the camels back. After all those years, she finally had gotten Vega to give up on her. She wanted to apologize. She wanted to tell Tori everything. She wanted Tori to help her like she helped so many others before. Like she had helped Jade before. But now it was too late. Now Jade had screwed that up too.

Jade opened the door and walked inside the house to see her mother sitting on the couch. The stink of alcohol filled the house as Jade walked by. Miss West turned her head at the sound and looked at her daughter. She was completely wasted. Again.

"Jadelyn… my… dear. Where have… you been?" She asked with a slurry voice.

"At a friends." Jade lied.

"Oh. Okay." Her mother said before turning back around and taking another sip out of her bottle. Jade shook her head as she walked upstairs. She was gone for almost five days and her mother hadn't even noticed. The bottle was more important to her than her own daughter. She wondered how long it would have taken her mother to realize that Jade was death if her suicide had been a success.

Jade walked into her room and sat down on her bed. She covered her face with her hands as she slowly began to cry again. Her life sucked on every level possible.

She didn't know how much time had passed since she had gotten home when she heard a sound. She looked out of the window to see Cat holding on to the window. Jade opened it and Cat climbed inside, immediately wrapping both arms around the Goth, burying her face into Jade's shoulder. Jade hugged her back after a moment, leaning her head on Cat's.

"Why did you do this?" Cat asked as she looked up into Jade's eyes. Jade almost broke when she saw Cat's puffy, red eyes. She must have been crying for days now. Jade tried to separate herself from Cat, but the small redhead was not letting go. She only hugged Jade tighter, as if she wanted to prevent her from ever leaving again or even trying to. Jade looked away in shame. She didn't want to face Cat after what she had done. She never wanted to see the consequence her suicide attempt had on other people, especially Cat.

"Jade, why would you try to kill yourself?" Cat asked again, this time louder. Jade felt hot tears run down her cheek as she tried to blink the away.

"I… I…" Jade said before finally breaking down. Cat and Jade sat down on Jade's bed as Jade slowly explained everything to Cat through her sobs. She talked about the breakup with Beck. She talked about her parents. But she also talked about loosing everything to Tori and what she had told her in the hospital.

"You…you thought I replaced you with Tori?" Cat asked, crying herself the whole time.

"I don't blame you. She always listens to you and tries to help, unlike me who only yell at you or say something mean when you say something." Jade explained.

"I never replaced you with her. Jade, you are my best friend no matter what. I only didn't want to bother you with anything after the breakup. I… I thought you had bigger worries than some of my issues." Cat honestly said. It was true. She didn't want to put her issues on top of Jade's after everything.

"I can't believe that I told Vega that it was her fault."

"Look, try to talk to her once this calms down. She will forgive you. She always does." Cat tried to reassure Jade. She did understand where Jade was coming from.

"I can't believe you got her to pick me up today." Jade said with a small laugh. "It must have taken you a lot of convincing to do so."

"Uhm. I never asked her to pick you up, Jadey." Cat said as she looked at Jade.

"You didn't?"

"No. I did tell her that your dad was an idiot but that was all. I didn't even tell her what he did. I still can't believe it myself." Cat honestly said.

"If you didn't ask her… why was she there?"

"I… I guess she expected that nobody would pick you up." Cat said. Jade only shook her head in disbelief. What was going on in Tori's mind? After everything, she still decided to help her again. "Look, you can ask her tomorrow at school."

"I don't think I'll come to school." Jade said.

"Well, you are because I want to keep an eye on you. I told my parents that I'm sleeping over at Tori's tonight and I won't leave your side for a minute again. I don't care if you want me to or not but I'll stay here tonight." Cat told her.

"Cat, you don't…"

"Just quit it. You can't change my mind." Cat told her with a small smile. Jade smiled back before she found herself again in a hug. "Don't ever do this again to me." Cat said in a whisper. Jade hugged Cat back, biting her bottom lip to prevent a sob from escaping her.

"I won't. I promise."


	5. Back in School

Jade woke up to a morning she hadn't planned waking up to. Once again it was Cat who played a part in that, preventing Jade from making the same mistake again. She wouldn't leave Jade's side for a single moment. Even while Cat was asleep, she wasn't letting go of her best friend. Jade looked at the smaller redhead who had both her arms wrapped around Jade's waist. She couldn't even imagine how much she must have scared her that day, and honestly, she didn't even want to imagine. During all those years of their friendship Cat had forgiven Jade every insult, every outburst, every mistake and every bad thing Jade had ever done to her. Even when she pushed Cat away after she got together with Beck, she would always be there for her after an argument with Beck or her parents. Even Jade's suicide attempt, which will leave a mark on Cat for sure didn't push her away. She never held any of the things Jade had done against her. Even when Tori arrived and offered Cat everything Jade didn't, Cat still didn't let go of her friendship with Jade. Jade had been wrong this whole time. Tori hadn't replaced her in Cat's life. Jade had done so herself by leaving.

_I won't do that mistake again._ Jade thought. She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Cat's forehead. She heard Cat mumble something before she slowly opened her eyes. She smiled as soon as she saw Jade still lying next to her.

"Hey." Cat said softly.

"Morning." Jade answered with a small smirk. Jade got out of bed and walked towards her closet, looking for something to wear today. She would finally go to school and face the others.

"How do you feel?" Cat asked as she sat up and rubbed her eyes. She was happy when she saw Jade. A part of her believed that Jade would be gone in the morning. Gone for good.

"I'm fine." Jade said as she picked out a black tank top and a pair of dark jeans. "Tell me something." Jade asked all of sudden.

"What?" Cat responded in a confused voice, staring at her friend.

"The… the day you found me… Did... did I scare you?" Jade asked as she turned around and looked at her best friend with a concerned expression. It was a dumb question, and Jade knew it, but she needed to know how much damage was done. She needed to know if she had scared her friend for life with that. She also needed something which she could compare to Tori, who was there too.

Cat hugged herself as she looked down. Tears slowly began to form themselves as she remembered that day. It were minutes which had seemed like an eternity for her. The view of a lifeless Jade next to an empty pill bottles and the realization of what had occurred was an experience that would haunt her forever.

"Seeing… seeing you there, lying on the floor… you weren't breathing anymore… you weren't responding… nothing… If Tori hadn't come… I thought you were…" Cat stuttered before breaking down in tears.

"I'm sorry." Jade said as she walked to her bed and sat down next to Cat. Cat's expression said more than any number of words could. Jade wrapped her arms around the crying redhead as she tried to calm her down. She never wanted any of this. She hoped she wouldn't have to see the consequences. But now, she had to. It was something she brought onto herself.

After a few minutes Jade had managed to calm Cat down. They both got ready and headed to school. The car ride was silent, yet it wasn't the awkward type of silence. It was something both were more than familiar with. Sometimes, words weren't necessary. It was simply the company of the other which was necessary. The fact that the other was there.

For Jade, walking into school felt like a convict walking into the courtroom. She noticed the stares directed at her and the mumbling happening around her. The news of her suicide attempt had spread like a wildfire on a dry summer day. Immediately, there had been a dozen of theories of why she had done it and how she managed to survive. The theories ranged from her being a part of a cult and it being a ritual to her being pregnant and trying to end her life because of that. Of course, nobody was even close to the truth. How could they be? They barely knew anything about the real Jade West. They had no idea about her family issues. They had no idea about her depression which has been haunting her for years. They didn't know because Jade didn't want them to. Her friends knew small bits of it, except Cat who knew it both from being there when it all happened and hearing it straight from the horse's mouth.

"Forget about them. They don't even have a clue." Cat said when she noticed Jade stiffen up to all the looks.

"You're right. I'm going to my locker. I'll see you at class." Jade said after a loud sigh. Cat was right. Those people didn't matter. They didn't know, and if they didn't know, how could they even form a genuine opinion about anything?

Jade walked towards her with scissors covered locker and opened it, taking out the books she needed. Her eyes caught a glimpse of someone she hadn't seen since the awkward car ride from the hospital the day before. Tori was walking over towards her own locker. She didn't even look at Jade for a moment. She opened her locked and placed some things from her bag inside. Jade let out a loud sigh as guilt began overwhelming her again. She was confused. She didn't know why Tori ignoring her matter so much to her now. It didn't seem to matter to her when she woke up in the hospital and blamed Tori for everything without a moment of hesitation. But then again, after hearing about everything Tori had done since Cat and her had found Jade, after everything Tori had done for her before that, how could she not care?

Jade slammed her locker shut and walked over to Tori. She stood there and waited for the half Latina to acknowledge her. But Tori didn't. Nothing. No change of expression. No sigh. Absolutely no reaction from Tori.

"Vega, I need to talk to you." Jade finally said. Tori only took out one of the books, slammed her locker in a loud thud and began walking towards the class, walking right past Jade. Jade immediately grabbed Tori's wrist with her hand, making Tori's movement come to an abrupt halt. They stood there like this for what must have been a minute. Tori hadn't turned around. She didn't try to jerk her hand away. She hadn't said a single word.

"I said we need to talk." Jade said again, this time in a more aggressive voice. She hated being ignored, and right now, even under the present circumstances, Tori was pushing her buttons.

Jade felt Tori clench the fist Jade was holding. She saw that Tori was angry. She had every reason to be, but Jade wouldn't give up. Not this easily.

"Alright. We can do this the hard way." Jade said as she began walking, Tori's wrist still tight in her grip. Jade walked towards the Janitor's closet and opened the door, pulling Tori inside and closing the door behind her. Jade leaned on the door and looked straight at her. Tori leaned on the opposite wall, her arms crossed above her chest as she was looking down.

"Look, I know you are mad at me for what I said at the hospital… I made a mistake. I should have never told you that. I…" Jade's words stuck in her throat when she noticed the look Tori was giving her. Tori's expression didn't read anger. She didn't look mad. She looked as if her world had fallen apart. "Tori?" Jade asked in a concerned voice. Vega was showing emotions she had never associated her with before.

"What do you want from me Jade?" Tori asked in a broken voice. The sheer amount of pain in that voice startled even Jade, who until that moment thought that she knew everything about that feeling.

"What?" Jade asked. She didn't understand what Tori meant.

"After everything that was said and done, after I found you that day in what was the biggest shock I ever had, after I somehow managed to save your life, call 911 and prevent Cat from getting an emotional breakdown on more than one occasion while I was near one myself, after I spent four days in the hospital, waiting for you to wake up, waiting to see and hear that you are okay, you tell me that it was my fault. That it was me who drove you to all this. Now, you are apologizing and saying that you didn't mean it. How the fuck can you not mean something like this? How can you simply tell someone that you didn't mean it after that? You know what? That day, while I was driving home, barely able to see the road because I was weeping like a fucking baby, I promised myself something. And you know what Jade? I'm going to keep that promise to myself. If it was me who drove you to this, then I won't be part of your life anymore. I promise you, you won't even know that I exist. I won't talk to you, I won't sit close to you, I won't be even near our friends when you are around. There, are you happy now? I'll be gone from your life. Just like you always wanted me to." Tori yelled.

Jade looked at her in sheer, utter disbelief. She didn't know what she should say to that. What she could say to that. She had done it. Tori would be out of her life. It was something she always had imagined. How it would be again without Tori. How things would turn back to how they used to be. But now, that it seemed to actually happen, Jade didn't feel happy. She didn't feel successful. She felt bad. She felt like the biggest piece of shit in the world.

"I'm sorry I drove you to this." Tori said in a voice filled with anger, sadness and pain before she gently pushed Jade aside and walked out. Jade was left by herself in the closet, absorbing everything that just had happened. No, it didn't feel right. She slid down the wall as tears were flowing down her cheek. Why wasn't she happy? Why was she devastated about what just happened to her? About what Tori had just said?

"She didn't deserve this." Jade said to herself.


	6. Keeping her word

Jade walked back into class, ignoring the blatant stares of both her teacher and the other students. She didn't care about any of them. She only cared about the one person who refused to turn around. Who refused to look. Tori meant what she said. She would get out of Jade's life for good. Jade sat down into her chair, not bothering to even try to listen to what the teacher was saying. She only looked out of the window, every now and then looking towards Tori, hoping that she would catch the younger Vega when she was looking. But Jade did so in vain. Tori didn't look towards her once. Not for a single moment. Jade, on the other hand, began staring at her now. She began remembering how they met for the first time. How she tried to force her out of Hollywood Arts on the very first day and failed. It was the first time since her new attitude that she didn't get what she wanted. It was the first time that someone had beaten her at something. Even worse, Tori beat her at her own game.

She then remembered the first time she felt inferior to the half Latina. It wasn't the fact that she accused Tori of really hitting her with the cane and giving her a black eye. It wasn't the fact that Andre had caught her in the lie. It was the fact that Vega didn't rat her out to the principal. Tori took the punishment without saying a single word in protest. She could have avoided it easily; after all she had a witness. But she didn't. After that one thing Jade found herself thinking about Tori more often than she wanted to. She would always wonder why Tori had done that. She didn't have a single good reason to, but still did it.

Jade remembered the time when she didn't want to allow Tori to join their fake ping pong team. Not only did Tori beat them all in the same sport they claimed to be so good at, she also got behind their secret. And what did Tori do? Instead of ratting them out after they had lied to her on more than one occasion, she simply wanted in. Then, when Robbie screwed up and made the bill higher than they could pay, what did Tori do? Have the saving idea. An amazing performance later and they were off the hook with the bill and still enjoyed a fantastic meal.

Then there was the time Jade had written "Well wishes" which the school didn't want to let her perform. Even after she told Tori that she wasn't her friend, Tori found someone who would pay for Jade's play. And even when the sponsor ended up being a crazy mother who didn't know anything about performing or theatre, Tori found a way to realize Cat's idea and save the premiere of it. It had meant a lot to Jade, especially since her father was there and watched one of her plays for the first time. It wouldn't have been possible without the younger Vega. And what did Tori want back for all the effort? A simple, single hug. Jade remembered the moment. She felt truly happy after a long, long time. The emotions intensified when she hugged her then enemy. Something about Tori simply didn't give her peace. It didn't leave her alone.

Jade's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the bell ringing. She snapped out of them and realized that she had been staring at Tori the whole time. Tori simply stood up and walked out of the classroom. Not a single glance. Not for a mere moment. Jade knew that Tori had noticed her staring. Still, Tori stayed cold. She kept her word, like she always did.

Jade walked out of the classroom and towards her locker. She looked defeated. The others were staring again. It wasn't that they hadn't seen her like that before. It was the fact that her suicide attempt was barely older than a week. Everyone was alarmed, probably waiting every morning to hear news about her passing. Jade didn't mind them. She had bigger fishes to fry. And their "fears" or whatever they actually are; made sense. After all, she had tried to kill herself and it failed. Who can guarantee that she wouldn't try again?

She opened her locker and placed her math book inside. She slammed the locker shut and gasped for a moment in shock. She hadn't expected him standing there. She hadn't expected him to approach her. She didn't expect to see him again. It was never planned.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Beck said in a voice she hadn't heard him use before. It wasn't the usual, cool, stoic, laid back attitude speaking out of him. He was serious. He was very serious, and she could tell that.

"What?" Jade simply said in an annoyed tone. It was her usual defense mechanism. She hated confrontations, especially if she was the party being harassed. For her, it stops being about who is right. It turns to "who will win the argument". Beck knew that defense of hers more than anyone else. After all, she had used it against him on more than one occasion.

"I go to Canada for a week to visit my grandmother, and when I come back I find out that you tried to kill yourself? Why the hell would you do that?" He said in a normal tone when he wanted to yell with all force.

"Why the hell do you care? We aren't together anymore. Why the fuck do you give a damn about what I do?" Jade yelled at him. The rest of the school basically left the hall. It wasn't worth it, especially not with this topic.

"Why do I care? We have been together for three years Jade. Three god damn years. Do you expect me to suddenly not give a damn about you? Do you expect me to simply shrug my shoulders when the girl I've been in love with for so long tries to kill herself? What is the matter with you? You know me better than anyone. You know that I still care about you. What the hell happened to you to try something stupid like that? If Cat and Tori hadn't been there…" He stopped there, realizing what would have happened. The truth was, he only found out a day ago. He didn't want to believe Andre when he told him that, but when Tori confirmed it, he felt his heart break. He felt as if it was his fault. He felt that it was him who broke her.

"Well, Mr. Oliver. If you still care so much for me, why was it Tori who cared about how I would feel when you tried to kiss her? Why didn't you think about it before that?" Jade asked, hurt and rage coming out which had been trapped inside her for so long now. Beck took a step back, surprised about the fact that Jade knew about it.

"H…how…"

"Cat didn't turn of her webcam. I watched the whole thing. You were flirting with her. You were the one who leaned in and started it. And it was her who pushed you away." Jade told him in a venomous voice. He looked confused. Helpless. She got him. He didn't seem to have to say anything.

"I… I'm sorry. I… only tried to move on." He said in a defeated tone. He knew that it wasn't an excuse. There was none for what he had done.

"I can't believe it. Out of you, the guy I've been together for three years and Vega, whose life I tried to screw up, it was her who actually cared about me." Jade said before her last words hit her like a ton of bricks. _She actually cared about me_ Jade thought. She had never thought about that option. She never even considered it. Everything Tori had done for her Jade always explained as a measure to show the others how much better she was. But that one time when she could have hit the final nail in Jade's coffin, Tori didn't. Instead of being with Beck and becoming Hollywood Arts top couple, Tori had cared more about Jade's feelings. It had never been a competition in Tori's eyes as it had been in Jade's. Tori did all those things because she wanted to help her. Because she wanted Jade to be happy. Because she truly had cared about her.

"I screwed up, I know." Beck said, snapping Jade back out of her thoughts. She looked at him. His expression filled with regret. His words were honest. "I… I never wanted to hurt you the way I did. Please, believe me. I care too much about you to do so." Beck said as he put a hand on her shoulder. She didn't move back. She didn't slap his hand away. She absorbed his touch. She allowed herself to feel it. She allowed herself to try to feel the old passion again. The love she had had for him for so long. But she didn't find it. She still cared about him. He had tried. For a year, he really did try his best. But it simply didn't work out. Sometimes it simply doesn't. "Look, no matter what happens, I still care about you. I want us to be friends if nothing else. Please." He begged.

"We can try." Jade said with a small smile. Maybe she hadn't lost him as she thought she had. He would still be a part of her life, but this time, he would play another role in it. Another part in the play that was her life.

They walked outside to meet the others for lunch. Jade stopped in her tracks when she saw Tori sitting there with Andre, Robbie and Cat.

"You alright?" Beck asked her, concern filling his voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She answered before taking a deep breath. They walked towards the table as Beck greeted the others. Tori immediately stood up and took her bag. The others looked on in confusion as Tori dumped the rest of her food in the trashcan and began walking away from the table without saying a single word or even glancing at her for a moment.

"Tori… please…" Jade begged, but Tori didn't stop. Not for a second. Not a single sign of hesitation. Not a single moment.

Jade sat down next to Cat, immediately getting drawn into a hug from her best friend. The guys looked at them, not understanding what just had happened. They decided not to ask. It seemed to be something between the girls. They only looked on as Jade let silent tears run down her cheek, while Cat was calming her down the best she could.


	7. Her savior

The week passed as Jade was on her way home from school again. She found it weird to walk after all this time of simply driving, but her father took her car away. It was his after all, so there was nothing she could do about it. She knew he didn't do this because he needed it. He did it because he wanted to make her regret disobeying him.

Tori had continued ignoring Jade. Whenever Jade would come close, Tori would simply walk away. During the classes they had together, Tori would sit on the opposite side of the classroom. Sikowitz even tried to pair them together for an assignment, hoping that they would talk it out because they had to work together. They had a week to finish it and Jade had thought about inviting Tori over one day so they could work on it, but Tori had different plans. The next day, Tori walked into Sikowitz class, handed in the assignment and left. She did it all by herself in one night and simply wrote Jade's name under it. There was nothing Sikowitz could do; after all, he got what he wanted. Jade was shocked at how far Tori would go simply to avoid her. It hurt her. It hurt her to know that she lost someone who truly cared about her.

Jade finally arrived at her house. She opened the door and closed it behind her, walking into the living room. She dropped her bag in shock when she realized that things were either gone or in boxes.

"What the hell?" She gasped, not understanding what was going on. She ran upstairs to check her room. It was empty. Everything was gone. She ran back downstairs.

"Mom!" She yelled. She was sure it had something to do with her. She then heard someone walk in from the back door. She saw her mother walk in with some guy Jade had never seen before.

"Oh, Jadelyn. You are here." Her mother said as she was holding on to the guys arm. Jade looked at him. He was wearing brown pants and a red polo shirt. He was in his mid thirties and the golden Rolex on his arm showed that he wasn't a poor fella.

"What is going on?" Jade asked.

"Well, my dear, I decided to sell the house and move to New York with my boyfriend Jim." She stated as if it was nothing.

"Y…you want to sell the house?" Jade stammered, shocked at the news.

"I already did. The new owners are going to move in tomorrow. We came to pick up the rest of my things."

"But…but I'm still going to school here." Jade said, hoping that her mother would come to her senses, although her mother was never the type of people who thinks ahead.

"I know. You can stay here for all I care. I am sad tough that you and your father had such a fallout."

"You know what happened?" Jade asked, shocked at her mother's calmness even after she found out about her own daughters suicide attempt.

"I do. He told me everything and I am really disappointed with you. Well, whatever. You are eighteen and can take care of yourself." Miss West said without a trait of empathy for her daughter.

"You…you can't do this to me? Where am I supposed to go?" Jade basically cried out. How could she do this to her?

"When I was your age, I wasn't living with me parents anymore either. I had my own life."

"No you didn't. You got knocked up and dad took care of your sorry ass. You didn't do anything by yourself. You only took advantage of others. You even used me to get him to marry you, didn't you?" Jade said in an angry tone. Her voice was full on venom while her fist turned white from the pressure it had from the clenching.

"Fuck you!" Her mother spat, her letting go of her boyfriends arm. He was silent during all this. It seemed that he didn't care. "You ruined my life! I was eighteen and then you had to come! I'm tired of you holding me back. I can do much better with my live and I'm going to do so. Without you!" Miss West said in an angry tone before grabbing one of the cases and pushing it towards Jade. "Here are your things. Now get the fuck out of here!" She yelled before grabbing Jim's arm. "Why didn't you die that day?" She asked as she shook her head. They both walked out of the house as some other guys walked in and took the boxes.

Jade was left silent in shock as she took the case her mother had showed her way and walked out with it. She was homeless now. She couldn't go to her father. He wouldn't take her in. He didn't have to. She was eighteen. He didn't have to take care of her anymore, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Her mother had left her all by herself, even tough she knew about what had happened.

Jade dragged the case behind her as she walked anywhere her feet would take her. The tears were streaming down her face uncontrollably as she tried to figure out what to do. The she realized where she was. She was in front of the Valentine's residence. Jade wiped away her tears as she took her phone and texted Cat to come down. A minute later the front door opened as the perky redhead stuck her head out only to see her crying best friend standing there, a case in one hand. Cat walked over to her and wrapped her arms around her. Jade immediately hugged back as she buried her head in the crook of Cat's neck. She immediately began to cry again.

"Jadey, what happened? Why do you carry this case?" Cat asked softly.

"My…my mom threw me out. She sold the house and moved to her boyfriend. She just threw me out. She said I ruined her life and asked why I didn't die that day…" Jade explained as her voice died in the last few words. She felt Cat stiffen at first when she heard what happened, but then felt Cat hug her even tighter.

"Oh god. Jade, I'm so sorry." Cat said, trying to comfort her friend as much as it was possible in this situation.

"I have nowhere to go Cat. My dad won't take me in. I don't have a place to stay. I don't have a job. What am I going to do?" Jade sobbed. It was too much for her. She couldn't take it anymore. Right now, she wished her mother had gotten her wish. She wished her suicide had been a success.

"Shhh. You'll stay with me. I'll help you. I promise." Cat said. She felt Jade hug her tighter, which was a non said thank you. Cat took Jade's hand and led in into her house, into the living room where her parents were.

"Mom, dad, Jade will stay with us for a while. Her… mother moved and she has nowhere to go." Cat announced. The Valentines only looked at one another and then back at her daughter.

"Cat, can we speak to you in private." Mr. Valentine asked. Jade got the hint and walked out of the living room.

"What is it?" Cat asked. She didn't understand what they wanted to discuss now. It wasn't really a good time. Her best friend needed her.

"We don't want Jade to stay here." Mr. Valentine told her. Cat's eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

"What? Why? She has nowhere to go. I can't just..:"

"Catherine, we understand that she is your best friend. But look, she has always been a bad influence on you. And now when she tried to kill herself… We already have our hands full with your brother. We can't take care of Jade now too. It's simply too much sweetie." Miss Valentine explained. The Valentines had never been fond of Jade. To them, her rebel attitude and her behavior was something they wanted as far away from their daughter as possible. Now, when she seemed suicidal and not mentally stable, they wanted her even further away from Cat.

"You can't do this. She has nowhere to go. I have to keep an eye on her exactly for those reasons! Please?" Cat begged. She couldn't leave Jade like this. She couldn't just stand aside and watch her best friend's life crumble in front of her.

"I'm sorry Cat, but our decision is final." Mr. Valentine said in a strict tone. He knew that he had to do it this way since there was no reasoning with Cat now. He even ignored the tears that were running down her face.

"If you want, I can tell her." Miss Valentine offered.

"No. You've done enough. You know, you always taught me to help others, but now, I see that you simply are full of shit." Cat said in a voice barely above a whisper. She walked away, ignoring her parents dumbfound expression. She knew that they wouldn't change their mind. Especially not if it was about Jade. They never liked her. To them, she was everything they didn't want Cat to become. What they didn't understand was that the fact that they were polar opposites is what made this friendship work. They were ready for everything together, but now, there was nothing she could do. This time, she could watch.

Cat walked out of the house to see Jade sitting on the doorsteps, hugging her knees to her chest and resting her head on them. Cat sat down next to her and sighed as she covered her face with her hands.

"I heard what they said." Jade simply said. Cat moved her hands to look at her best friend. Jade turned her gaze to see her crying friend stare at her in an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry. I…"

"It's okay. There is nothing you can do. I know you tried." Jade interrupted her as she put her arm around Cat's shoulder and pulled her closer. Cat leaned her head on Jade's shoulder. She tried to stop crying, but to no awail. "Thank you for trying, Kitty. It means a lot to me."

"If there is anything I can do, just…"

"I know. I'll go ask the others. I'll see you tomorrow." Jade said as she got up and helped Cat get up herself. She gave Cat a hug and placed a soft kiss on Cat's forehead before walking off. Cat ran upstairs, ignoring her parent's calls for her.

Jade walked the half an hour distance towards Beck's place. She already tried calling Andre and Robbie, but as expected, there was nothing they could do. Andre was living with his grandmother and there was no room for Jade while Robbie's parents hated her even more than Cat's did. Her last hope was her ex boyfriend. She practically had lived with him for an amount of time, so she hoped she could do so again, just until she finds a way to stand on her own feet.

She finally arrived at his place, only to find him leaning on his RV, a defeated look on his face. The moment he saw her, he ran over to her and wrapped his arms securely around her.

"I'm sorry." He said. She immediately understood. It wasn't just because of what happened to her. It was because he was unable to help.

"They still hate me, don't they?" Jade asked. She heard him curse something under his breath.

"Andre called me and told me what happened right after you called him. I immediately asked my parents but… My dad still hasn't forgiven you for the dog incident and my mother… she just hates your guts. I'm so sorry." Beck apologized.

"I understand. I have nobody to blame but myself. I should have acted better towards them." Jade said in a defeated tone. She was lost. There was nobody else she could turn to now. She had burnt so many bridges early on, and the people she was close with tried their best, but couldn't overcome it themselves.

"I'm so sorry. Look, I'll figure something out. Just…" Beck began but his voice stopped when he saw a familiar car drive into his driveway. Jade turned around and froze in place when she saw Tori step out of her car and lean onto it with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Tori… What…"

"Just get in the car. You can stay with me. My parents are fine with that." Tori said in a cold tone as she opened the trunk of her car and walked over to take Jade's case. She took it and placed it in the trunk before slamming it down harder than necessary.

Jade looked at her in confusion. Why was she helping her now? It didn't make any sense at all to her. But it wasn't like she had another choice. Jade slowly walked over to the passenger side before she got into the car and put on her seatbelt. Before Tori got inside, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around to face Beck.

"Thank you for doing this." He told her in a honest voice. She shook her head as she turned around and got into her car. Without saying a word to him or her, she reversed out of his driveway and sped off.

The car ride was silent for a few minutes before Jade gathered enough courage to speak up.

"Why are you helping me?" Jade asked a question which had been running through her mind for years now. This time, she truly didn't know the answer. After all that happened, especially in the past two weeks, she really didn't know.

"Cat called me and told me what happened." Was the only answer she got in return.

"But… why would you help me now. After I…"

"Look, I won't just sit aside and let you end up on the streets. I'll help you this one last time because I owe you that, but I'm keeping my word. I'll stay out of your life. Please, just don't question me anymore." Tori said and silence filled the car. Jade thought about what Tori just told her. After everything that happened, it was again Tori who would come to help her when seemingly nobody else could.

"Thank you." Jade said in a shaky voice. Tori didn't respond at all. She turned into the driveway and got out of the car. She got Jade's case and walked into the house, the Goth silently following her. Tori walked upstairs and opened one of the rooms. It was one of the guestrooms which had new sheets on it and some other things.

"This is your room. You know where everything is. Feel yourself at home." Tori said before walking away and into her own room. Jade lied down onto her new bed and curled herself into a fetal position. It was all too much for her to absorb in a single day. She fell asleep not too long after, a last tear running down her face before she drifted off.


	8. Change of Heart

Jade woke up the next day, rubbing her eyes and looking around in her new room. She then remembered where she was and what had happened yesterday. She got out of bed and walked out of her room into the bathroom. To her surprise, she wouldn't have to fight with Tori and Trina about who would enter first. She looked at the clock to see that it was only 6 am. She then took a long, hot shower, trying to relax as much as possible. The last few weeks have been hell on earth for her. She let the hot water drip down her body while thinking about everything that had happened. She imagined her mother now in New York in a big apartment with her new boyfriend, happier than she ever was. Everyone seemed that way to her as soon as she got out of her life. It was one of the reasons she tried to take her own. Everyone always seemed better off without her. But as far as Cat and Beck went, she had to admit that she was wrong. They both cared more than she thought. Cat especially, not one night passing without her sending Jade a message asking how she felt.

Her thoughts drifter to the person who helped her again although she absolutely had no reason to: Tori. For whatever reason, even after promising Jade that she would stay out of her life, it was Tori again who saved her. She saved her from living on the street. She managed to convince her parents to let someone live with them who not only for years tried to make her daughters life a living hell, but also wasn't mentally stable. Jade didn't understand why Tori had done it. She never broke her word but right now, she was doing it. Sure, she said she would still stay out of Jade's life, but how could it be possible right now? They lived in the same house. They went to the same school. Tori couldn't simply ignore her.

Jade turned the water down as she grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. She felt like crap. She felt ugly. The rings under her eyes were a result of both tears and not being able to sleep. She couldn't escape reality, not even through sleeping, and she needed to escape it before she did something stupid again.

Jade opened the bathroom door, but froze on the spot when she saw Tori standing in front of her. They both stood there for a moment before Jade finally found her voice again.

"Morning." It didn't come out the way it wanted. It wasn't secure. It wasn't happy. It was a weak voice which belonged to a broken person. She saw the empathy in Tori's eyes. She saw that something was going on in the half Latina's head. It seemed like a struggle. But that was gone when Tori, without greeting her back, walked past her and closed the bathroom door. Jade sighed as she walked into her room again and changed into her clothes. She walked downstairs to find nobody else there. The Vega's were probably off to work. She knew that Mr. Vega was a policemen and she swore she heard Tori say once that her mother worked as a manager at a local company. Jade sat down on the kitchen table, not knowing what to do. She felt uncomfortable. She was like a kid who came over to a friend's house for the first time and just sat there nervously, not daring to move without someone else by their side.

She heard footsteps come downstairs when she saw Tori again walk into the kitchen and towards the fridge. She opened the fridge and almost disappeared inside before leaning back out with tons of things in her hands.

"You want some pancakes?" Tori asked without looking at the young Goth while she was making some breakfast.

"Yes, please." Jade weakly said. She missed her old strength and fake security, but now, it was simply gone. She was broken, and she knew it. Too much happened in a too short period of time for her to comprehend. She couldn't be strong anymore. She couldn't even act like she was.

"Here." Tori said as she put down a plate with a few pancakes in front of Jade and sat down herself to eat the other ones. Silence filled the room as Tori wouldn't talk to her except for those few words that were exchanged between them every now and then. Jade remembered their usual banters. The deadpans, the put downs, everything. She missed those things. She missed the relationship they used to have. It was what made their group so interesting. The making fun of one another and one upping the other was the must fun part about it. Jade treated it a competition while Tori seemed so go along with it. Still, Jade almost never managed to beat her. Whenever it seemed that she did, Tori would make a comeback and beat Jade with her own weapons.

When Jade finished eating she took her plate and carried it to the sink. She walked to the couch in the living room and sat down, hugging her knees to her chest. She turned her head to find Tori looking at her before looking away once Jade caught her staring. Jade let out a sigh as she leaned her head on her knees. She felt her chest tighten as she was fighting the tears already this early in the morning.

The silence got interrupted when Trina came walking downstairs and already began making demands. Tori only gave a quick no before walking upstairs again to grab her things and head to school. She opened the door, but stopped to turn towards Jade.

"I'm waiting in the car. Hurry up." Tori said before closing the door. Jade watched her as she left before getting up herself and going into her room to take what she needed. A few minutes later she was out of the house and sat down in the passenger seat.

The car ride to school was again filled with silence, which the radio only tried to overshadow. But none of them paid any attention to the music. Tori was focused on the road while it took Jade all her strength to keep herself together. She could break down in school. She couldn't make the others worry again. Especially not Cat.

Tori drove into the empty parking space on the Hollywood Arts parking lot before exiting her car and going into the school. Jade followed silently, not even trying to catch up. She didn't have the strength to fight for Tori's attention today. She didn't have the strength for anything right now.

The classes flew away in a heartbeat for her. She didn't bother to pay attention to any of them. Her mind couldn't focus on anything but what her parents had done to her and what was going on between her and Tori. The teachers tried calling her up on more than one occasion and she almost got detention from one of the worse ones in this school. Now, it was lunchtime and she would finally meet with the others. Jade walked out on the Asphalt Caffee by herself and found the gang minus Tori sitting on their regular table. She walked over to them, but before she could sit down, she found herself crushed by a bearhug given to her by her best friend.

"Hey Cat." She softly said as she hugged her back.

"How are you?" Cat asked in a worried tone. She hadn't slept at all last night, guilt and worry haunting her because she couldn't help her when she had needed her the most.

"Not so good Kitty." Jade honestly said. She felt Cat's arms tighten around her as they both sat down on the table with the others. Jade noticed Tori walk from Festus' truck carrying something to eat and sitting down on a further table away from the others. The others noticed the way Jade was looking at her and how much it took her not to cry. Cat tried her best to comfort her as much as she could, but there was nothing she could do now. The feeling of guilt simply wouldn't let go of Jade. She couldn't stop remembering the day at the hospital when she told Tori that all that was her fault and how Tori had changed since that day. And even after that, adding up to everything she had done, Tori was still the one who came to her rescue every time it was necessary. Be it when she picked Jade up from the Hospital to now, when she gave her a home after Jade's parents had turned away from their daughter.

Beck shook his head in disbelief before he got up and walked towards the table where Tori was sitting. He sat down across from her and cleared his throat to get her attention.

"Why are you doing this?" He finally asked. Tori only looked up at him. Her eyes gave the answer her mouth refused to. She had every reason to be mad at Jade. She didn't mind her mind games. She didn't mind their banters. She enjoyed them herself, as she thought it made them both step up in a friendly competition, just to see how far they could make it with this.

"How would you feel if she told you that her suicide attempt was your fault?" Tori asked him in a cold voice. He looked at her in disbelief. It was something he didn't know. Out of their group, only Cat knew the whole story.

"I…I didn't…"

"You didn't know. I get that. And to answer your next question immediately, the only reason I was helping her was because there were no other options. I'm not her friend. I refuse to still be a part of her life because no matter how much I tried and how much I did for her, I seem to be the reason for her misery. So as far as I'm concerned, I get out of her life, I rid her of her misery and that's it." Tori said as her voice changed from a cold, emotionless one into an angrier tone by the end. Beck simply sat there, looking at his friend. He understood why she did it. He understood how she felt. He watched her try for so long to become Jade's friend in all the ways she knew. But now, if Jade really said that, even though it was Tori who saved her life, he could say nothing against Tori's reasoning.

"And you think that you are not making her miserable right now?" Beck asked, glancing at his now crying ex girlfriend and then back at Tori.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do? I do this, it's wrong. I do that, it's wrong. What does she want from me? Even after everything she said and did, I still helped her. When nobody picked her up from the hospital, I did it. When no one else could take her in after her parents abandoned her, I did. And now it's me again who is making her life miserable? Is that fair from her? Is that fair to me, Beck? Is it?" It took Tori all the self control she had not to yell at him right there. He had it easy. They all did but Cat. She was the only one at least truly trying. The others would simply ask her to help Jade, but that was what she had been doing for so long.

Beck got up with a defeated expression on his face and walking back to the table the rest were sitting at. Jade understood what he tried to do. She also understood that he wasn't successful.

"Thank you for trying." She said in her weak voice. They all sat there in silence, not knowing how to deal with all this. Tori had never acted this way before and even tough Cat and Beck were on Jade's side now, they understood why Tori was doing what she was doing and they couldn't really blame her. Both knew that they probably would have given up way sooner than Tori did had they been in her shoes.

Classes were over as quick as they had begun that morning. Tori and Jade were both in Tori's car again as she was driving them home. Jade felt worse than ever. Her self control grew weaker by the moment and right now, the only thing she was waiting for was the security of her room. After having dinner with the Vegas, who reassured her that she could stay as long as she wanted to, she went upstairs to get ready for bed. It was still early, but sleep was something she had been deprived off in the past few days. She tried to drift off into the land of dreams, but found herself unable to do so. She turned around in her own bed more often than she could count and finally gave up when it was already 1 AM and she was still awake. She was tired as hell. She was fatigued from everything, but simply couldn't fall asleep. The stress was too much for her to handle. She finally let her self control go as she began openly crying. The crying turned into uncontrollably weeping shortly after that. She found herself thinking about suicide again. About simply ending the pain. It was worse than when she tried it the first time. All those years of depression because of her dysfunctional family who didn't care about her, all her insecurities resulting in her behavior and everything else were finally taking their ultimate toll on the young Goth.

She heard the door to her room open before she felt the bed shift a bit from someone else sitting on it. She felt someone grab her hands with which she had been covering her face in an attempt to stop the tears and silent the sobs and pull them away from her face. She was more than surprised to see Tori sitting next to her on the bed, looking at her with her sad, brown eyes. Jade found herself pulled up by the half Latina as she then wrapped her arms around the crying Goth and hugged her to her chest. Jade looked up at her in disbelief, hoping that she wasn't hallucinating and completely insane by now. All her doubts about the reality of it went away when she heard Tori say the words she had hoped to hear for so long now.

"I'm here. Talk to me."


	9. Her protector

„I'm here. Talk to me." Tori's words echoed in Jade's mind, shattering the final resistance Jade had put up against her tears. She sobbed for hours, Tori never letting go of her. Tori was there the whole time, silently stroking Jade's hair as the other girl finally let out her stored emotions. Tori had never seen Jade like this. She saw that Jade was truly broken. She saw that Jade was overwhelmed by everything. Anger. Sadness. But mostly guilt. Tori tried to keep her word, but she also knew that she was only doing it out of anger herself. She knew that she shouldn't have done that, but she couldn't help herself. Jade's words had left a scar in her, deeper than anything. She had always cared about her. That was why she always tried to befriend her. That was why she always helped her. That was why she would always allow the deadpans and insults bounce right of her. That was why she spent four days at the hospital, sitting next to Jade, hoping and praying for her to wake up. Hoping and praying that she had arrived on time. Tori had hugged Cat every time she saw her after that, the main reason being that it was Cat who got her to drive to Jade's place that day. Had it not been for Cat's insisting, Tori wouldn't be holding her friend now. For that, she would always be thankful to the small redhead, and she would let her know that everyday.

After an hour, the sobs became more silent. Jade's trembling calmed down as her breathing evened out and silent tears slowly ran down her pale face. Tori slowly moved Jade away a bit so she could look her in the eyes. She felt Jade cling to her even more. She was scared of Tori leaving. She was scared of Tori going back to her new ways.

"It's okay. I'm not leaving." Tori softly said as she felt Jade's grip become weaker. She moved back a bit and looked into her tear filled eyes. Tori gently brushed the few remaining tears away with her thumb before wrapping that arm around Jade again.

"W…why are you here?" Jade asked, her voice raspy from the crying. She didn't understand why or when Tori had a change of heart. She didn't want it to end tough. She didn't want to feel guilty again. Tori let out a small sigh as she looked away.

"I heard you cry and… I simply couldn't do this anymore. Being mad at you and staying out of your life… I can't do that. Not to you." Tori said in a shaky voice. She felt Jade rest her head on her shoulder and let out a small sigh.

"I'm sorry I blamed you for everything. I'm so stupid." Jade says before tightening her grip around the half Latina. She was afraid of Tori's anger reappearing. She was afraid of Tori leaving her now when she needed her the most.

"What did I do?" Tori finally asked. It had been bothering her since the day at the hospital. It was what made it easy for her to leave the group all this time since Jade came back. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to think. All this time, she has been thinking about what it was that could have driven Jade to try and take her own life. It drove her mad and her inability to figure it out only fueled her anger against both Jade and herself.

"I... I thought I was replaced by you in every aspect of my life." Jade simply said.

"Replaced you? I don't…"

"It… it will sound dumb to you, but that is simply how I see it.

"How did I replace you?" Tori asked, that idea never having crossed her mind.

"You are Cat's best friend now, not me. You are the girl Beck is in love with, not me. You are Hollywood Art's number one student now and not me anymore. I mean… You came to our school and took everything I had worked for in all these years. You come in and everybody immediately respects you while I had to make a name and a reputation for myself. You get all the lead roles and I always end up being your understudy. It's been like that since you came here." Jade explained, feeling the familiar pressure on her chest. That pressure always seemed to come whenever she was stressed, and right now, it was tearing her apart. She had never felt so miserable in her whole life. Had someone told her a month ago that she would be pouring her heart out to Tori Vega, she would have called them crazy. Had someone told her that her parents would abandon her after Tori had saved her life and that Tori would be the one to offer Jade a home, Jade would have brought that person to the loony bin herself.

"So you have done all this because you thought I replaced you?" Tori asked, the thought going through her mind and as she slowly began to understand. So many things make sense now from that perspective. Her jealousy. Her bad mood. Her desperate attempts to beat Tori at anything.

"There are other things, but… I don't want to talk about them now, please." Jade said in a broken voice. Now Tori knew what Jade had meant. Now she could do whatever she wanted with Jade. That one voice in the back of her head scorned her for telling Tori that. Now she could use all this to destroy Jade mentally for good. She could use all that knowledge and destroy Jade's reputation and drive her out of Hollywood Arts. All those thoughts shot through Jade's mind in a second.

"You don't have to. And I'm not trying to replace you. It's the opposite. For so long, I've only tried to befriend you. To become a part of your life. And I'm not Cat's best friend. I can't replace you in her life even if I wanted to. Nobody can. You know her, Jade. She cares more about you than probably all of us combined. Do you really think anyone can replace you? What about Beck? You think he is in love with me?"

"I saw how he tried to kiss you."

"I know, he told me. Any you know what my take on all this is? To him, I was only a rebound. He can't simply replace you with who he had a three year relationship with me as easily as you portray it. It doesn't work that way Jade. Sure, he can tell himself differently, but haven't you noticed the way he looks at you? He still cares about you, and always will Jade. Why can't you accept that some people do care about you?" Tori asked her.

The question hit a spot in Jade's heart which only made it ache more. Why was it so hard to accept that someone cared about her? Her parents didn't, she got to experience that her whole life. If your own parent's don't even give a damn about you, why would anyone else do?

"Why do you?" Jade asked suddenly, catching the younger Vega by surprise.

"Why do I what?"

"Why do you care about me? For all those years, I've been doing the worst things to you, and still, you didn't give up. Now, when I thought you did, when I… I thought I lost you; here you are again, even after I said all those things to you. Why? Why do you still care about me?" Jade asked the question which had been running through her head for all those years.

She didn't get an immediate answer, which only made her more nervous. Tori left out a small chuckle after half a minute, shaking her head.

"I simply do. Jade, you are the type of person with who nobody can stay neutral or unaffected. People either love you or hate you, but there is no middle part in this. Nobody can just stay neutral when it's about you. And I'm one of the people that simply love you." Tori said.

"But… why? Just tell me that."

"Why not? Even tough you did all those things to me; you still were always there when I was in really serious trouble. You were there when Ryder played his little game with me and were supportive in your own way. When I was trying to collect those god damn letters for Kesha's concert, you were there although you didn't have to." Tori said as Jade felt Tori hug her closer to herself. "When you told me that your suicide attempt was my fault, it hurt me more than anything bad that ever had happened to me. I don't know how I made it home that day. I was barely able to see the road from my tears. Every time you apologized to me, I had to use all my self control so I didn't simply hug you and tell you that it is okay. When I heard that your mother threw you out, I immediately called my parents and let them know that you were staying here with me. I just couldn't ignore you and your situation. Now, when I heard you cry, I couldn't take it anymore. That's why I am here now. Because I care about you Jade. Do you even know how much you scared me that day? When I saw you lying there?" Tori asked, tears slowly forming in her eyes as her voice began to tremble. Jade looked her in the eyes, tearing up herself.

"I'm sorry." Jade said before burying her head into Tori's neck again. Tori stayed with her that night, her arms wrapped around her broken friend, protecting her from all harm.

Jade, in Tori's arms, found something she thought she had lost forever, and it was something she welcomed back with open arms: a peaceful sleep.


	10. Safe in her arms

Jade woke up the next morning, the back of her mind hoping that it wasn't just a dream. When she felt arms holding her securely while her head was resting on Tori's shoulder, she couldn't feel anything but rushes of happiness overcome her. Their conversation really happened and Tori wasn't ignoring her anymore. The contrary was the case. Jade felt a familiar feeling slowly rise in her abdomen. She hadn't felt something like that for a long, long time, but dismissed it immediately. Right now, she didn't want to think about anything. She didn't want to think about her parents. She didn't want to think about her shitty life. She didn't want to think about the fact that only two weeks ago she had tried to end her own life. She only wanted to enjoy the feeling of safety she had when she was in Tori's arms. She felt invulnerable. Untouchable. Safe.

Jade snuggled closer to the half Latina, silently hoping that time would freeze for a while. She didn't want it to end. She didn't want the feeling of safety to leave her again. She didn't want to go back to her shitty life. She didn't want to be the mentally unstable girl again who went from independent, crazily talented, strong young woman to a wreck barely able to keep it together on a normal day. She couldn't hide those things anymore. She had managed to for so long, behind the fake toughness, behind the sarcasm. Only few saw past that façade and those who did witnessed how fragile she actually was. Those were the people who knew to she kept the closest to herself. Those were the people who truly cared.

She felt her chest tighten when Tori began to move. It was coming to an end, like every good thing in her life. Her relationship with Beck, her family who hadn't always been this cold and now the feeling of safety she felt again after so much time. A silent tear slid down her cheek at the memories and the idea. _What have I become? _Was the only thought in her mind right now. The only time she had allowed herself to cry before all this was when she was alone by herself, and even then, it would only be silent tears. Now, she couldn't hold it together even at the idea of something bad happening. She was exhausted mentally. It was the fate of every person who wouldn't let the pain out. Even if you are made of concrete, if you are hit often enough, you will break at one point. And when you do, it's almost impossible to fix the damage. That is what happened to her. She was broken. The cracks became deeper with every hit. And life wouldn't even pull a single punch on her.

Jade looked at Tori, who slowly opened her eyes, immediately catching Jade's green ones. Jade waited for her to let go; to release her back into the world and the life that only knew one thing, how to hurt her. But instead of letting go, Tori greeted her with a warm smile.

"Good morning." Tori said softly. She noticed the Goths troubled expression. It immediately made her worry again. In the last few days, she had tried to convince herself that she didn't need Jade in her life and that Jade didn't need her, but last night had proven her wrong. Jade needed her. She needed every support she could get.

"Morning." Jade weakly said. It was time to go back into reality. Jade moved away from Tori and sat up on the edge of the bed, her feet hanging down from the edge of the bed before ending up on the cold, wooden floor. She rested her elbows on her thighs as she buried her head in her hands. To her, this would be another day closer to her breaking again. She felt it coming. She couldn't deal with the pain anymore. With the doubts. With the anger. She had fought for so long, but right now, she admitted defeat. Life had done it. It broke her. It knocked her down and out for the count. She had gotten up at nine more than once, but now, she saw no reason to continue. It was clawing for reasons to keep living.

She let out a small weak laugh. Her mind was so screwed up. Everything she thought would make her feel better ended up being barely important. She had thought that getting Tori out of her life would make her feel better, yet it made her feel worse than she ever had. She thought that getting her friends back would fix her, and yet she still was in constant pain. She thought that getting Tori back would ease the pain she felt, but even that only made it a bit better. Her true problems were far deeper. It was years of stored emotions and keeping the true problems locked inside that did all the damage. Yet, it made sense. If you break a stone as well as life had broken her, even a fly landing on it could make it crumble. She didn't know what she wanted anymore. She didn't know what could make her happy again. Everything seemed pointless. She didn't even have a real home anymore.

When she felt someone put an arm around her and pull her into a hug, her thoughts drifted away from everything. It was funny how those little things seemed to do the trick with her.

"Let's start this over and forget about what happened in the past weeks, okay?" Tori asked in a soft tone as she held her broken friend in her arms again. "I want you to know that you can always count on me, my help, anything. If you need to talk about anything or whatever, I am here. Okay?" Tori finished.

Jade felt safe the moment she felt Tori's arms around her. It was different from Beck's and Cat's hugs. Sure, they made her feel better, but there was simply something different here. Jade couldn't explain it, or maybe she simply didn't want to. She only wanted for it to last.

"Okay. Thank you." Jade said before Tori let go of her and got up from the bed. She held her hand out for Jade to help her up. Jade took it and stood up herself. School would start soon and Jade knew that she had to face the world again.


	11. Exploring her own mind

**The simple fact that a simple word as the adjective "simply" can annoy so many is simply amazing. I guess I simply have to apologize for the usage of such a simple adjective, which is a major part of my vocabulary and simply fits in with so many simple things. I hope you guys accept this simple apology, as I simply can't use it as much as I used to simply because many simply seem to be annoyed by it. **

_**This statement was paid for by the word "Simply". Simply the best adjective ever!**_

The ride to school was a silent one. Yet, it wasn't the guilt filled silence caused by Tori's silent treatment she had given Jade in the past week. Jade was off away in her thoughts while Tori knew that Jade would talk to her when she felt like it. A forced conversation never helps anyone. It only leads to the uncomfortable silence once the small talk is over. Tori would glance every now and then at the Goth, waiting to read anything from her expression; hoping to figure a way out to help her. But at this time, Jade was nothing more but a blank page. She was staring out of the window the whole time while looking at absolutely nothing. While Tori wondered what was going on in Jade's head, Jade tried to figure out the same thing herself. She was lost in her own mind; confused by her own emotions. Technically, everything she wanted to happen actually happened. Cat and she are close again, maybe closer than ever. Beck and she talked and it's no longer awkward to be around him after everything that happened. Andre and Robbie immediately got back into the mix of her life with that. Tori is finally talking to her again. She even spent the whole night holding Jade while she was crying her eyes out. Jade wouldn't have to worry about her parents trying to interfere in her life anymore. And still, she wasn't happy. She simply couldn't be.

_How fucked up am I?_ was the thought that went through her head. She had to go to a place she was scared off. She had to search her memories for reasons of her mental state. She had to find the first cause of her depression. All that happened before only seemed to be the tip of the iceberg. Jade then looked over to Tori, who was focused on the road. She remembered the feeling she had when Tori had her arms wrapped around her broken body. The way Tori had made her feel warm and safe scared Jade. They scared her as much as she wanted to feel it again. She shook her head. Everything changed so drastically in so short time. Only two weeks ago she thought she had figured the world out. That she had realized what role she had in life and that she knew how everyone felt about her. Now, she wasn't sure about any of those things. She had been wrong about the ones she would have bet anything on.

She snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the engine shut off.

"We're here." Tori said, waiting for a response.

"I'm sorry I was so silent, I just…" Jade tried to explain, but how could she? She didn't know herself what was wrong now. There was no way she could even try to tell Tori. Not before she figures it out first. Not before she is absolutely sure about everything. She didn't want to make the same mistakes she did in the past.

"I understand. I already told you, if you need to talk, I'm here." Tori said as she put her hand on Jade's for a moment. Jade felt that strange something rush through her body. It immediately calmed her down. She wanted to explore that feeling more. She wanted to understand it. But also, she was afraid of it. It was something new. What if it went wrong? What if it only hurt her more? She wasn't sure she could take any more hits.

The feeling left her body when Tori removed her hand and left her car. Jade followed her, looking at her hand and then back at Tori. A single touch from her and Jade felt alive again, even for a slight moment. She didn't understand why it was happening. She didn't understand why it only would happen with Tori. It didn't make any sense to her.

"I'll see you at creative writing then." Tori said before giving Jade a quick hug goodbye, sending that familiar feeling through her body again. Jade decided not to think about it now. She was too much of a mess to focus on anything, especially this, at least for now.

Jade walked to her locker and took out her science book before she felt someone pat her on the shoulder. When she turned around, all she felt were two arms around her neck and all she saw was the red hair in front of her.

"I told you she would forgive you." Cat said happily. She must have seen Tori hug her just a few seconds ago. Jade wrapped her arms around Cat as she smiled a small smile. She searched her mind for the emotion she felt when her best friend hugged her to compare it to Tori's. They were warm and full of care, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't the unexplainable feeling. It didn't make her feel safe. It didn't seem to cares her inner scars.

"She did. We talked after we came back to school." Jade said in a weak voice. She noticed it herself. Her voice didn't posses nearly the strength it used to have. Now, it was weak. Barely above a whisper. People had trouble hearing her, being accustomed to her usual strong, growl like, loud responses.

"How did you get her to talk to you?" Cat asked, wondering about that detail since she saw them. What could Jade have done to make Tori go back on her own word? After all, Tori was a person who always kept her words, and that wasn't just a metaphor. She never broke a promise. When she set her mind onto something, she would do it, no matter what.

Jade looked down sadly, the thoughts that led to her sobs last night returning immediately. Cat noticed her changed expression. "What's wrong?" She asked as she put her hand on Jade's arm and gave it a light squeeze.

"Nothing. I… I began crying yesterday because of everything and she must have heard me. Before I knew she pulled me into a hug and we talked." Jade explained. Cat smiled a sympathetic, understanding and yet small smile.

"You know you can call me too when you need to talk." Cat said. Jade felt quilt beginning to grow in her stomach and chest. Did Cat feel replaced now?

"I know. I just… Please, understand. I'm not replacing you, I…" Jade began to ramble, but Cat immediately cut her off.

"I don't mean it that way, dummy. Don't worry. I'm just reminding you that you are not alone, no matter what."

"Thank you." Jade said before hugging Cat herself. Immediately, the guilt she just had felt disappeared as if it had never been there. "I have to get to my class. I'll see you later." Jade said before letting go and walking away.

"Bye." Cat uttered before walking of herself to get to her design classes.

Jade sat down in one of the chairs in the back of the classroom, not even bothering to pay attention to what the teacher was talking about. She was more concerned about how easily she would now begin to panic. How easily she could reach the end of an emotional spectrum because of no reason. It was never happiness tough. She couldn't remember the last time she had been truly been happy. She forgot how it felt. She forgot what the things were that used to make her happy.

"Miss West, can you answer my question?" The teacher yelled out. Jade snapped out of her thoughts, looking at the teacher in a confused look.

"I'm sorry; can you repeat your question?" Jade apologized. _Great. Fucking great. Can't people give me some time to think?_

"Can you explain to me Newton's first law of motion?" He asked, waiting for her to apologize again.

"Every object either remains in the state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line unless it is compelled to change by an external force faced upon it." She answered in a bored tone. _Really, for this he had to interrupt me? Asshole…_

The teacher, who was surprised that she knew the answer, only returned to his old topic. Jade shook her head at the man. He was in his mid forties and a small, bitter waste of oxygen. He was bitter that he would work in a high school for the rest of his life. He was bitter that his wife had left him to run off with someone else. Then, he began releasing that bitterness on his students. It wasn't uncommon for him to give someone an F for no reason whatsoever.

Jade went back to her introspection. She had noticed how her emotional barricade was almost non existent by now. She couldn't control her tears anymore. She couldn't ignore the rushes of guilt, anger and sadness that would overwhelm her for even minor reasons. But to her, the worst thing was how the bad memories would come back to haunt her. The smallest resemblance to something that had happened would result in what seemed to be a flashback of something bad that she had done or that had happened to her. It was ridiculous. The slightest idea of Cat being upset with her immediately made her remember every single bad thing she had said to her or done to her, resulting in an unbearable rush of guilt.

The same happened with anger and sadness. Last night, when the Vega's reassured her that she could stay as much as she wanted, she remembered the times when her mother and father had still cared for her and one another. But then she remembered the period leading to their divorce. The arguments; the yelling; broken things. All that. She remembered when her father moved out of their house and ultimately out of her life. It was then that she lost any emotional connection she had to him. She remembered the first time she found her mother in the living room, drunk as hell with shards of an empty, broken whiskey bottle lying next to her.

Jade looked down at her wrist, at the old scars that graced them, comparable to a diary. She remembered what each cut had been for. She began with it when her parents divorced. It was a release for all of her stored emotions. And it worked at first, but to her, it was like a drug. And as it is with all drugs, after some time, you need more to get the same result. The cuts became deeper. Then the wrist and lower arms became filled with so many scars that it was impossible to hide them. The thighs were a place she knew nobody could notice. Beck and Cat were the only ones who knew about it, and she swore to both that she would stop. But sometimes, she simply has no choice. It's easier than to talk about it. Than to think about it.

The bell rang and Jade walked out of the classroom. She thought about skipping school today, but decided against it, knowing that the others would give her an earful if she did. And right now, she was in no mood for that. She knew that she was completely messed up. She didn't need the others to tell her.

She especially didn't need Tori's disappointed look. She didn't need Cat to worry even more. She would rather suffer than make those two worry even more.


	12. A little distraction

Time flew by Jade as she was always lost in her thoughts, looking for some answers that would give her at least a moment of piece. Answers that would calm her mind at least for a minute. She hated the fact that she couldn't calm down; that she couldn't stop thinking about the bad things. She wanted to focus on other things, but failed miserably every time she tried to do so. No matter if she tried to think about the good memories or even focus on what the teacher was talking about, her mind would always take her to the dark path of her memories. By now she wondered if she really had been through so much crap in her life. After all, she was only eighteen and seemingly had experienced things others wouldn't even dare to think off.

The bell rang again as she got up and headed outside to the Asphalt Café for lunchtime. She walked towards their usual table and sat down, resting her hands on the table and her head in her palms. She let out a sigh. She was tired. Exhausted to be precise. She wasn't sure if she wanted to cry her eyes out or punch a hole into the nearest wall. Maybe it was both. Jade wanted to go back into her room, lie down and never get up again. After all, what reasons would she have to?

She tensed up when she felt two hands on her shoulder. Then the person began to give her a shoulder massage. Jade turned around, hoping that it wasn't Sinjin or someone else she couldn't stand. That boy freaked her out since he broke into her place years ago and she was everything but in the mood to deal with him.

"You need to relax. This can't be good for you." Jade's tension faded away the moment when she recognized Tori's voice. The familiar feeling came back immediately. The bad thoughts were gone. The emotions she had so much trouble keeping in check were tamed by the half Latina.

"It certainly isn't." Jade said with a small laugh. It wasn't a laugh out of happiness. It was a laugh out of self pity. She felt like a child that needed to be watched every minute so it wouldn't hurt itself or get lost. Maybe that description was true. Her actions haven't really shown a great deal of maturity after all.

Jade frowned when Tori stopped massaging her and sat down next to her. As soon as Tori did that, she missed her touch. She missed the feeling it would give her. She also felt everything coming back. The sadness. The anger. The fear. The memories.

"Is there anything I can do? There must be something." Tori asked in a voice filled with concern.

_Hold me forever._ Jade thought, shocking herself with that. "No. You've already done so much for me. I… can't expect anything more from you." Jade told her, but she was trying to convince herself. She couldn't expect Tori to heal her. To make her feel better. She remembered the argument they had in the Janitor's Closet when Jade came back to school. _"How much more do you want from me?"_ Tori's words echoed in her head. Jade felt the self anger and self hatred grow by the moment. She remembered the things she had done to her. She remembered the good things Tori had done for her. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She hated herself for everything she had done. For screwing so many things up. She hated herself more than she hated her parents. In her eyes, they made the right decision. _Who would love a fucked up child like me?_

"How much I've already done for you doesn't matter, Jade. If I can do anything, please, tell me." Tori begged, making Jade feel even worse in the process.

"Why do you care so much?" Jade said louder than she intended. She regretted the question instantly. She regretted yelling at the girl who had saved her life. She looked at Tori, who looked back at Jade, dumbfounded from Jade's reaction.

"I'm sorry. I…" Jade tried to apologize, but the words wouldn't leave her mouth. She tried to get up. She tried to walk away before she did even more damage to the already fragile and even more confusing relationship she had with Tori. But before she could leave, a hand grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down. Jade didn't look at Tori. She didn't dare to, not after screwing up even more now. Two fingers found themselves under Jade's chin, moving her so she would look at the girl in front of her.

"I care about you Jade. Why can't you accept that?" Tori asked, her voice fighting not to break. Jade felt hot tears run down her cheek.

"Hey, is everything alright." Jade and Tori turned their heads to see Beck and the others standing there, looking at them with both a concerned, but also curious expression. Tori looked back at Jade. It was Jade who she wanted to answer. After all, it was about her. She was the one who needed support. All she could get.

"Yeah, just… I've had a lot on my mind. That's all." Jade said. Technically, she wasn't lying. She only wasn't telling the whole truth, and she wasn't doing it for a reason. She didn't know the whole answer herself yet.

"How about we find something to distract you from those thoughts?" Andre asked, making everyone look at him. "There is a movie premiering tonight in the cinema, and I wanted to go see it. It's a comedy. What do you say?"

Everybody's attention turned back to Jade. She looked at Andre first. Then at Beck. Then Robbie, then Cat and then finally at Tori.

"Come on, say yes." Tori said with a smile which Jade swore was warm enough to melt an iceberg.

"Alright. It's a deal." Jade said. The gang immediately smiled up, happy that they might be able to help her a little bit. They sat down on the table, discussing random things while they were eating. Jade only sat there, not saying a single word, but rather listening to the others.

School was over not too long after that and Jade was at the Vega residence again. She still had to get used to calling it home, but that hopefully would come with time. Right now, she was enjoying the comfort of her bed, burying her head in the pillow, hoping to suffocate the thoughts that refused to leave her. It was one of the deals with depression in the stage Jade was in. It never rests. It never stops. It knows your weaknesses. It knows what makes you go mad. And how couldn't it know? It was her own mind doing all this to her. It was mental self harm, and it was going on for too long now. It drained her, and that was the worst thing. It's like a parasite. It weakens you until you are too weak to fight it anymore, and then it strikes you as hard as it can.

"Jade, are you in there?" She heard Tori yell from the outside after two knocks on the door. Jade raised her head from her pillow and let out a lifeless "Yeah" before the door opened and Tori walked in. "You ready to go? We're supposed to meet them at the cinema in twenty minutes."

Jade turned around to sit on the bed, leaning on her hands as she let out a sigh. She didn't feel like going. All she felt like was to lie in her bed and hope to fall asleep after some time.

"Yeah, just…" She began, but Tori didn't want to wait for an excuse. She stepped forward and grabbed Jade's hands before pulling her up so she was now standing in front of her.

"There, now get your things and let's go." Tori said while giving Jade a light squeeze before heading out of Jade's room and walking downstairs. Jade found herself smiling that moment. Tori really did care about her. But she still kept a little bit of skepticism in the back of her mind. After being hurt by so many people she believed did care, she had a hard time of truly trusting anyone anymore. It wouldn't hurt as much once they do it again. At least that was what she always told herself.

Jade walked downstairs a minute later with her Gears of War bag and walked outside. She got in the car and put on the seatbelt while Tori reversed out of her driveway and sped off. Jade hoped that the movie could distract her at least for a little bit. She really could use some distraction right now.

Fifteen minutes later they were standing in front of the cinema, waiting for the others to arrive.

"Why do they always have to be late?" Tori growled. It wasn't the first time she would come earlier, and then wait for the others longer than she wanted to. She could blame herself for always arriving five minutes earlier, but she didn't. After all, it always were the others that were ten minutes late.

"We are early, you know." Jade said, knowing what Tori was talking about. It was something the half Latina got angered by easily. But to her dismay and surprise, they saw the others walk towards the cinema from the parking lot.

"Hey guys!" Cat yelled as she ran up to them and hugged Tori first before hugging Jade next. Both hugged her back, Tori because she was grateful that Cat got her to Jade's place that dreaded day, and Jade because Cat was the one person that never gave up on her.

"Come on guys, we don't want to be late." Robbie told them. They all walked inside and got their tickets and snacks. The girls would share a big pack of popcorn while they guys picked the drinks and some chips.

The movie was okay. The highlight tough was a character awfully similar to the southern girl Tori had made Jade portray during the gangs sleepover at Sikowitz place. As soon as the girl began talking, the gang except Tori burst out in laughter. Even Jade laughed at it, especially since Tori kept yelling "I don't talk like that!" at the others. The other people at the cinema looked at them as if they all had gone nuts, but they didn't care. After everything that had happened in the recent past, they all deserved some fun, especially Jade.

Jade couldn't remember when she had laughed like this the last time, but it felt good. She looked over at Tori, who had her arms crossed over her chest and had the sweetest pout Jade had seen since Cat. Tori looked at Jade smiling at her and immediately knew what it was about.

"You know, it's you who started this!" Tori said in a fake angry voice.

"Oh, are you now blaming me?" Jade asked in the same mock voice the character used. Tori's pout disappeared quickly as she began to laugh herself before looking at Jade with her trademark smile. She shook her head before looking back at the screen. Jade kept her eyes for a few seconds longer on her. Tori's smile was for her. It was because Jade had done something Jade life for the first time in weeks.

The movie was over and the gang got out of the cinema. It was a cold evening, which was rather unusual for Hollywood.

"Did you like the movie?" Cat asked her best friend, giving her a small nudge with her shoulder.

"I did. I especially liked the southern girl." Jade said with a small smirk. The other chuckled while looking at Tori, who only shook her head in annoyance.

"Yeah, yeah. Tori talks funny. Ha ha. Hilarious." She said using as much sarcasm as she could muster up. The friends said their goodbyes before heading to their respective cars. They still had school tomorrow morning and wanted to catch some sleep.

"I'm glad you had fun." Tori said honestly while she was driving them home.

"Yeah. I did. Thank you for not letting me stay at… home." Jade said with a small pause in the end.

"Yes. It's your home. And you're welcome." Tori said with a small smile. After a few minutes, they were back home.

Jade crashed down on her bed, waiting for the inevitable to happen. She knew that all she got was a small break, and it wouldn't be long before her mind went ballistic again. And she was right. But this time, it wasn't anger surprising her with his quick arrival. It wasn't sadness overwhelming her and driving her to tears. This time, it was fear. She began thinking about the future. She began asking herself how she wanted to go on with her life now. Where would she go once she graduates from Hollywood Arts in a few months? How would she finance a college? How would she find a job without a full education? She couldn't stay with the Vega's forever. Would she be able to even do anything in her life while she was in this state of mind? Was her father right? Should he have simply sent her into a Asylum? It would help him and take the pressure and responsibility from the Vega's and the others. She wouldn't be their problem anymore. She could rot away in there and the others could continue with their lives and their promising futures.

All those questions and ideas scared the crap out of her, especially the ones about her own future. Her hands began trembling while she fighting with her tears. She looked down at her arms, trying to calm them down. Trying to stop the shaking. But it was no use. This was a full fledged panic attack. She had many of those, but none as severe and strong as this one. She was frightened from everything. The past. The present. The future. Since the first two didn't carry anything good for her, what else but more pain could the future offer? She tried to shake the thoughts away. She tried to think of other things. She tried to think about the movie. But it was of no use. She couldn't fight it. She couldn't ignore it. She was too weak for that by now.

She got up and sat down on the edge of her bed, still looking at her hands in disbelief. First, she lost control of her emotions, then of her mind, and now her body was nuts too.

She got up and walked out of the room. She needed to feel safe again. She needed to calm down. With shaky hands, she slowly managed to open Tori's door. Jade saw her lying in her bed, sleeping peacefully. Jade swore she looked like an angel.

After fighting with the idea for a moment, Jade walked towards Tori's bed and lied down next to her. Maybe it would be enough for Tori simply to be close to calm her down. After all, it was always her who succeeded in it. Jade only wanted her to do so this one last time.

Jade closed her eyes and tried to calm down again, but it didn't work. The shaking wouldn't stop. The tears wouldn't stop. The fear wouldn't leave. Suddenly, an arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer. Jade opened her eyes only to find Tori looking at her. Jade wanted to explain, but no sound was able to leave her mouth.

"It's okay. I'm here." Tori said before gently kissing Jade's forehead and hugging her closer. Jade felt calmness replace the fear. She felt the tears stop. She slowly stopped shaking. Jade closed her eyes again, silently thanking any god out there for Tori.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tori asked in a caring tone. Jade only shook her head. She didn't want to think about it now. She didn't want to have to explain it. She only wanted to sleep again. She wanted to rest.

"Okay. Goodnight." Tori said. Her breathing even out quickly as she fell asleep moments later. Jade smiled a weak smile, not believing how screwed up everything was. But right now, she didn't care. A few minutes later, her breathing even out too as she peacefully fell asleep, the feeling of safety not leaving her as long as she was in Tori's arms.


	13. A morning talk

The weekend was something Jade anticipated more than anything. It was two days where she wouldn't have to face everyone at school. It was two days she could spend either with her own thoughts or freely distract herself from them. Yet, her mind could never let go of the question she both didn't know the answer to and avoided finding it: why is Tori the only one able to calm her down like she does?

It didn't make any sense for Jade. It didn't make sense that the emotions and thoughts she had fought for years unsuccessfully could so easily be calmed and tamed by a girl she had swore she hated for so long. It didn't make sense for her to feel this safe with the very same person she had blamed for so many misfortunes in her life previously. It seemed like a sick joke life played on her. The hunger for that feeling she got with her was even stronger than everything bad her mind would throw at her. Since her last panic attack, she would go to Tori's room every night when she knew that she couldn't fall asleep and lie down next to her. She only waited for the other girl to chase her away, but it never happened.

What always did happen was Tori hugging Jade closer to her and Jade falling peacefully asleep in Tori's arms. Tori never protested. She never mentioned it to the Goth. She never asked why Jade ended up in Tori's bed every night. And Jade was glad about that. How could she explain to Tori what was going on in her head the moment she felt her touch? How could she explain something she didn't understand herself? And she didn't want to try to explain. For now, Jade was only glad that she did have a place she could find some inner peace. She only hoped that the place wouldn't become inaccessible to her in time.

Friday night was no different. The sadness that had appeared inside of her only dragged her deeper towards hitting rock bottom, although Jade could swear that she hit it a long, long time ago. She didn't know why she missed her mother. She didn't know why she missed her father. She didn't know why she so longed for her home right now. The few nice memories she had of that place weren't nearly enough to outweigh all the bad things that happened there. All the arguments. All the beatings. All the self harm. But she still missed it. It was her home after all. She remembered the last time her father had hugged her. How he used to be. How they used to spent time together every weekend and do something to bond. But then he got promoted and the loving father became the ice cold businessman who only cared about the money he made and how he could spend less of it. She remembered her mother teaching her to play the piano when Jade was only five and how she would spend time together with her doing the most random things they could come up with. But after the divorce, she found comfort in the many bottles she had emptied in sorrow and self pity. The bottle soon became the priority of her life, turning her to the egocentric woman she has become now, not even hesitating to throw her own daughter out onto the streets.

All these memories only dragged Jade lower into an abyss she had looked into for so many years now. At first the abyss looked back at her, and then, after a few years, began to drag her down into the bottomless pit that was depression. People had seen the change she had gone through, but fear prevented almost everyone from reacting. Until now, only two people threw themselves at the edge of it in an attempt to pull her back up. The first was Cat, who despite everything Jade had done still was the only person Jade truly trusted. It didn't come right away. It took Cat years to get that trust out of the Goth. The reward though, was something only few got to see then. She got to witness the true Jade, without the tough girl façade she had ready every time someone she didn't trust showed up. The other one was Beck, who tried his best to pull her up and away; who promised to catch her every time she would fall. And he did, for a long time. But in the end, he couldn't do it anymore. He let go, allowing Jade to fall even deeper.

Jade got out of her bed, trying to wipe away her tears from her face while she slowly walked out of her room and into Tori's, silently closing the door behind her and leaning on it for a short time. She played with the idea of walking out again. She knew that what she was doing was selfish. She was only taking more from Tori who had already given her more than she ever thought possible.

Tori had woken up in the meantime and noticed the other girl standing at the door. She saw that the Goth was still crying. Tori got out of her bed herself and walked over to Jade, who was looking away from her as if she was ashamed of being there again. Of expecting even more from her.

"Are you scared again?" Tori asked in a soft, worried tone. Jade only shook her head. "Then what is it?"

Jade didn't answer. Instead, more tears made their way down her cheeks. Before she could even try to do something, she felt two warm hands cup her cheek and move her so she now had to look at the other girl. Tori gently wiped the tears away before she lowered her hands to grab Jade by the wrist and walk her towards the bed. Both girls laid down before Tori threw the covers over them and wrapped an arm around the other girls waist. She pulled Jade closer to herself, resting her forehead on Jade's.

"From now on, when you don't want to be alone or anything at night, don't hesitate or anything, but come here and wake me up if you need to talk or just lie down here. If it makes you feel any better, do it." Tori told her, looking straight into Jade's green eyes. "Okay?"

Jade only weakly nodded, not wanting to say a word. She knew that her voice would be raspy from the crying and weak, everything she didn't want it to be.

The next morning Tori woke up early. Her body got used to getting up this early since her mother got her new job because someone had to make breakfast for everyone and Trina certainly wasn't the one to do so. Her parents and her sister were away for the weekend, accompanying Trina to an audition after she threw a four hour long tantrum about how she is great and they needed to come with her to witness it.

Tori opened the fridge and checked what was inside, trying to get a creative breakfast idea. Unfortunately, there wasn't much in there that would allow her that. In the end, she decided on toasted bread and everything else that was still edible. She made enough for both her and Jade when she gets up, so she took her plate and walked over to the couch, sitting down and turning on the TV. She surfed through the channels and stopped at a cartoon channel. Tom and Jerry was on and it was definitely better than anything else on right now.

Her attention drew away towards the door when she heard a knock. Wondering who it could be this early, she got up and walked to the door. She was more than surprised to see Cat standing there with a wide smile and a bag full of candy and other things.

"Morning!" Cat said in her usual happy voice, stepping closer to hug one of her best friends.

"Morning Cat." Tori greeted back as she hugged her back, one more time thanking god for Cat's insisting that day. "Why are you up so early?" Tori asked.

"Well, you told me a few days ago that your parents are taking Trina to the audition so I decided to make you some company." Cat said as she walked inside and sat down on the couch. She looked at the food on Tori's plate and turned to her with an expression saying "really?"

"It's all I got!" Tori said in defense. Cat only giggled before she leaned down to search for something in her bag.

"Here, I thought I'll get you something nice." Cat said as she took out some things she bought in the bakery.

"Oh, thank you!" Tori lit up the moment she saw everything Cat brought with her.

"No problem. I…Oh, Tom and Jerry!" Cat gasped the moment she glanced at the TV and her attention was now on the cartoon. Tori shook her head at her best friend's behavior and let out a small chuckle. She sat down next to her on the couch and took one of the cupcakes Cat had bought.

"How's Jade?" Cat asked, not taking her eyes off the television and giggling every time Jerry would do something to Tom.

"I don't know. Every night she shows up in my room, either crying or shaking uncontrollably." Tori explained.

"Oh." Cat only said, turning her attention away from the TV for the first time. "She has those panic attacks, you know."

"You know about them?"

"Mhm. She often has them. When she starts to think about some stuff it…overwhelms her. She does the things you said and sometimes even has an anger attack. But the shaking is the worst." Cat said in a tone sadder than her usual, happy one. She had experienced it so often before with Jade. She would wake up and find Jade sitting on the edge of her bed, hugging herself or staring at her hands as if she tried to make them stop trembling. She didn't know what to do at first, but after a while, she figured it out. "She won't admit it, but she loves to cuddle and it always manages to calm her down. At least a bit." Cat explained.  
"Yeah, I figured that out by now. Whenever I hold her, she calms down almost immediately."

"Really?" Cat said, looking at Tori with a confused expression.

"Yeah."

"That's weird. She usually does calm down, but it always takes hours. Maybe she is better so it takes less." Cat said, surprised at what Tori had told her. Sometimes Jade wouldn't sleep for nights, even when someone is with her. Beck and Cat knew that both. They experienced it on their own skin.

"Maybe. I'll talk to her later." Tori said.

"Actually, I wanted to offer you something." Cat said, getting Tori's attention immediately.

"What is it?"

"You've been taking care of Jade the whole time now and I thought I'll invite her to a sleepover at my place so you can do something on your own." Cat explained. She knew that dealing with Jade wasn't easy, especially when she was like this. It wasn't that she bothered anyone. It just breaks your heart seeing her like this.

"I don't mind. If you want to ask her over, sure. I'll call Andre maybe. I can't remember when I hung out with him the last time." Tori said, feeling slightly guilty, although she knew that he wasn't mad.

"Well then, it's a deal. And thank you again." Cat said.

"What are you thanking me for?" Tori said, looking at the redhead curiously.

"For forgiving Jade after everything and still doing all this. If you hadn't done that, she would be on the street probably. Uh, my parents are such idiots!" Cat said the last part with a groan.

"I feel bad for what I did."

"The silent treatment?"

"It was more than that. I didn't just ignore her. Every time she tried to apologize I turned her down. I was just…"

"I understand." Cat said, placing her hand on Tori's shoulder.

What they didn't know was that Jade was awake now for a while and heard most of the conversation. She didn't know if she should hate herself for being such a burden, or be happy about having Cat and Tori in her life, who are willing to carry that burden.


	14. What if?

Jade shifted a bit on the couch, her foot having fallen asleep from her sitting on it. She was at Cat's place tonight, since the Valentines were gone to bring Cat's brother to one of his specialists. This left Cat with the house for herself the whole weekend. She had thought about throwing a party, but then decided that she would rather spend some time with her best friend again. It wasn't going as planned tough.

Jade hasn't said a single word for hours now. She saw Cat glance at her every now and then; trying to come up with something they could talk about. Jade wasn't in the mood for random chit chat tough. Right now, she was trying to figure a way out of the whole situation. She had enough of it all. She had enough of being scared every night. She had enough of her panic attacks. She had enough of her emotions getting the better of her every damn time they felt like that. She had enough of being a burden to everyone around her and causing other's pain with her behavior. Jade knew that Cat felt uncomfortable now. She knew that it was because she didn't know what to say now. She had tried to start many conversations with the Goth, but Jade had her priorities set on finding a way to turn this around.

Cat let out a weak sigh before getting up and walking upstairs into her room, leaving Jade all by herself in the large living room of the Valentine's residence. Jade felt the guilt begin to grow inside her chest but forced against it. She needed to get the control back she once had over her own emotions. She used all her inner strength to fight it and change her feeling of guilt into not feeling anything at all. It would be the solution to everything. She only needed to become the master of her own emotions again, like she used to be once. But the more she fought it, the stronger the feeling of guilt became.

She let out a loud groan out of desperation before getting off the couch and walking upstairs. This was just great. Not only was she unable to control her own emotions and thoughts, but she also upset her best friend in the process. Jade stood in front of the door to Cat's room and inhaled deeply one more time before slowly opening the door. She slowly got inside and saw the small redhead sitting on the edge of her bed, her head buried in her hands. Jade slowly walked over to her and sat down on the empty spot beside her friend, putting one arm around the smaller girls shoulder. As soon as she did so, she felt Cat tense up under her arm. Cat got up and walked away from her bed to her window. She stood there, hugging herself without even looking at Jade, not to mention not saying a single word.

Jade sat there, dumbfounded at Cat's behavior. It wasn't like her to act this way. She seemed so… Jade like.

"Cat, what's going on? Why are you acting this weird?" Jade asked, finally speaking up for the first time since she came to Cat's place.

Cat only left out an empty chuckle. She shook her head before turning around, revealing the fresh tears that were running down her cheek. Jade stood up immediately and began walking towards Cat. "Kitty?" She said in a concerned voice. Was she really this mad because Jade didn't talk to her this once?

"Nothing wants to go right this week." Cat said in a broken voice. Jade looked at her, even more confused than before.

"What do you mean nothing goes right?" Jade asked, taking another step towards her friend, careful as ever. The last thing she wanted to do was upset her even more. After all, Jade had managed to do so more than once.

"First, they take my brother away, again, and are probably going to lock him up now in some cell again where he can't do anything. Now, when I wanted to spent some time with you, you don't feel like talking at all. I just wanted to spent some time with you and take my mind off everything again." Cat said as a small sob escaped her.

"Cat, I'm sorry, I just..:"

"I understand. You have to think about everything. I know that. I understand why you are doing it and I can't blame you. It's just… Since they put him on this new medication he is like… death. I mean, he is alive but he always just sits there, without saying a single word or even moving a muscle. Those drugs… they just kill him inside. My parents say it's good for him, but how can it be good for him if it shuts him down completely?" Cat finished before she begins pacing around her room.

"Cat, I didn't know."

"I know you didn't. Nobody knows."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jade asked, putting her hands on the redhead's shoulders, stopping her pacing. Cat looked away, something Jade found herself do more than once in the past few weeks. She understood what was going on through Cat's head now. "Tell me."

"You…You were going through all your things… and your depression. I didn't want to throw anything more on you. You are as fragile as ever yourself." Cat explained, finally looking at the Goth in front of her.

"Cat, I don't care what's going on in my life, you can always tell me everything and I will listen and help you if I can. But you could have told someone if not me… Why didn't you tell Tori?"

"Tori… I can't rely on her to solve all my problems, Jade. Also, she has her hands full with helping you. I didn't want to give her one more reason to worry." Cat said in a voice growing weaker. It was a lame excuse from her part, she knew that. But compared to what was going on in Jade's life, hers seemed more like an annoyance rather than a problem. She also didn't want to take Tori's attention away from Jade. To Cat, Jade feeling better was more important that her feeling better.

Jade stood there, taking everything in Cat had just said. She was doing the same mistakes Jade had done for years. The last thing Jade wanted was for Cat to end up like her.

"From now on, I want you to tell me everything. And I want you to let Tori know what you just told me." Jade said, the old confidence coming back for this moment. Jade smiled a small smile. It was ridiculous. When she was confronted with her own problems, she just fell apart like a piece of glass that fell to the floor. When she had to deal with the problems of people close to her, she immediately managed to put her own problems aside. Maybe this was the solution she had been searching for. She could focus on helping others. It would take her mind of her own issues, and she wasn't willing to face them now.

"Are you sure?" Cat asked, her voice conflicted between what seems the easy way and the right way.

"I am. We are best friends, and we shouldn't keep secrets from one another. Also, Tori will notice that something is wrong and you know her. She is going to try to find out and eventually will. How do you think will she feel then?" Jade asked.

"You are right. Thank you." Cat said before she wrapped her arms around the Goth's waist. Jade hugged her back, happy that Cat still trusted her. After all, Jade never used to tell anyone anything. What she told Cat and Beck were not lies, but never the full truth either. She had always thought of herself as someone who could deal with her own issues. As someone who didn't need anyone's help. But now, after she both tried to kill herself and ended up homeless, she realized that she was everything but independent. She needed others for many reasons, although she would never admit that to herself. She needed her friends to make sure she doesn't go crazy from the loneliness and boredom, which only make her think about everything. She needed Cat as the person she could go to no matter what. As the friend who would listen to her and give her honest advice no matter what the circumstances are and what time of the day it is.

But most of them, she needed Tori. The person who ended up being the one who could calm her down just by being close to her. The one who could silence every negative emotion and thought she had just by holding her. It was something Jade didn't understand. It was something Jade never experienced before. It was different from what she felt when Cat did it. It mostly resembled with what she felt when Beck would hold her like that. But with Tori, it was Beck times ten. Beck's arms seemed to prevent her from doing something stupid. They seemed to stop her from destroying herself. But Tori's arms made her stop wanting to do those things. They made her feel safe, calm, loved.

"Let's watch a movie or something. I don't want any bad news or anything for today." Jade said as she let go of the redhead. Cat giggled at the comment.

"I agree. Enough bad thoughts for today." Cat said as both walked downstairs and looked for a movie. Jade left out a loud groan when she saw all the Disney movies Cat had picked. It ended up being The Lion King. Jade already knew the whole movie by heart while Cat could probably draw every single animation from her memory, but Jade didn't complain. After everything Cat had done for her, Jade would allow her that one thing.

"I have one question." Cat asked suddenly.

"What?"

"Tori told me that you immediately calm down now when she hugs you." Cat simply stated, watching Jade's eyes widen at the statement.

"So…so w…what? Isn't that a good thing?" Jade stuttered. _Yeah, way to go. Stutter every word. That'll convince her._

Cat's face filled with a wide smile as she immediately understood what was going on. After all the years of friendship, she understood Jade better than anyone. You could say that she knew the Goth better than the Goth knew herself. After all, while Jade would deny the obvious things and lie to herself, Cat didn't do that. And right now, she knew what was going on.

"Oh, nothing. Just asking." Cat said as she turned back to the TV, her smile never leaving.

In the same time, Tori and Andre had dinner together for the first time since Tori had made a scene while she still was building her image for the Platinum Music Awards. They haven't hung out together for a while now and Andre was more than happy to spend some quality time with his best friend.

"Tell me something. What is going on between you and Jade?" Andre asked, surprising the half Latina with the question.

"Nothing. I'm just helping her while she goes through tough times, that's all." Tori explained, but refused to look at him while she answered. She knew where he would take this conversation, and she didn't want it there. She had avoided it forever, and she wouldn't begin confronting it now.

"No. Helping her through tough times would be what Cat is doing. But you are taking it to another level." Andre said, making Tori finally look at him. By her expression and reaction, he immediately knew he hit a sensitive topic.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tori asked in a half angry tone, but her expression quickly switched to self wondering. "Wait, did I just say that?"

"Come on girl. After all the years of screwing with you, she blames you for her suicide just after you saved her life. And what do you do? In a matter of days you forgave her something even Cat would have needed moths for, and that's only IF she was willing to forgive her. But what do you do? While you still gave her the good old silent treatment, you picked her up from the hospital, then not even a week later when that dumb broad of her mother takes off and leaves Jade basically on the streets you jump in and now she is living with you. Do I even have to ask you about the whole "holding her during the night" thing?" Andre finished the last part making Tori look at him as if he had just grown four more heads.

"H…how do you know about that?" Tori asked, barely finding her voice.

"Oh come on. Beck and Cat are my friends too, you know. And I've known Jade way longer than you have, girl. I'm rather offended that my best friend doesn't want to tell me anything anymore, but I'm sure you have a reason." Andre explained. Tori looked away. It's true. She stopped telling him a lot of things lately. She didn't tell him about Beck trying to kiss her before the awards. Beck himself did tough. She didn't tell him what Jade had told her at the hospital, but someone else, either Cat or Beck did. "Did I do something?" Andre finally asks, taking a long sip off his drink.

"No." Tori instantly answered. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's just… So many things have been going on and I… didn't find the time to tell you." Tori said, the last part sounding almost as if she was ready to cry. She felt bad. He was her best friend for years now and he would always tell her everything. Now, he found himself left out for no reason whatsoever. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I haven't really been the best of a friend myself. I was just worried I might have done something. And you know what? I'm freaking proud of you, Tori. You are doing what none of us could do, and you did it although you had every damn reason not to. You swallowed your pride and did the right thing. And as long as you stay that way, I will support you no matter what it is, no matter how often we talk." Andre finished, noticing Tori smile a small smile. He decided not to push the topic of Tori's motives. He understood that she might not be sure about it herself.

"Can we go for a walk?" Tori asked, deciding she needed some fresh air.

"Sure." Andre got up and paid the check. Tori insisted that she pays her half, but he wouldn't let her. He never did. She gave up after a few moments and both made their way outside. As a true gentleman would, Andre took off his jacket when he saw that her small vest was not enough to keep her warm and placed it on her shoulders before placing one arm around her shoulder.

"Thank you." She said as she leaned her head on his shoulder. They walked for an hour, simply talking about anything. Tori told him everything she missed out in the past few weeks and Andre listened to everything. After an hour, they decided that it was already late and that they should head back to their homes.

"Thank you for the dinner and the walk." Tori says and gives him her genuine warm smile. He smiles back and hugs her goodbye. She gladly hugs him back and rests her head on his shoulder. She knew that many wondered how she was keeping up her good attitude and her will to help others. They wondered how the world and people like Jade haven't broken her good spirits. It were questions she could easily answer. It was because Andre was there for her. It was because he was her rock, keeping her stable and strong. He was the guy who pushed her to be the best she could. He was the one who made her perform at the big showcase. He was the one who got her to stay at Hollywood Arts when Jade poured coffee over her head. He was the one who always was there for her when she thought she couldn't go on anymore.

Tori placed a gentle kiss on his cheek before both pulled away and went to their cars. Tori walked into her house and went upstairs into the room, crashing down into her bed. She then thought of Jade, wondering if she is okay. She was with Cat after all, but if she gets a panic attack? Would Cat be able to calm her down? Tori took her phone, not caring if what time it is and sent a message to Jade.

_How are you? Everything alright? _Tori got the answer a few minutes later.

_I'm okay, no need to worry. Thank you for doing it tough. I'll see you tomorrow. And Cat says hi._

Tori read the message, a small smile forming on her lips. She was happy that Jade was seemingly okay. _Is Andre right?_ Was the next thought she had, but she dismissed it quickly. She didn't want to think about it now. Maybe never. It would only complicate things more.

She lied down and tried to sleep, but found something missing. She shook her head in disbelief. What was missing was Jade in her arms. _Maybe he was right._


	15. Tears

Sunday morning answered some questions by itself for the two girls. Both girls didn't sleep well, and they both knew the reason for it.

Jade woke up after only sleeping for an hour. Truth was, her mind had been rampaging again against her. Cat tried her best, but the difference was more than clear. Cat had both arms wrapped around her best friend in an attempt to calm Jade down, but it wasn't working as well as it did for Jade with Tori. There wasn't that feeling of safety that the half Latina would give her the moment she made contact with her. Her mind didn't calm down and she couldn't find the inner peace she needed.

"Hey." A soft voice said, shaking Jade out of her thoughts. She turned to see Cat lying there with a defeated look on her face. Cat knew what happened. She knew that Jade barely had any rest. She also knew that no matter how much she tried, she couldn't calm her down completely. She never managed to before; she didn't manage now and possibly never will.

"Morning." Jade said with a small, tired smile. She thanked god that it was Sunday and she didn't have to go to school or anywhere in particular. She wouldn't have the strength to deal with a day while she was this tired. Coffee was her favorite for exactly that reason. But after all this years, it lost its effectiveness.

Both girls got up and headed downstairs. Cat turned on the TV and immediately got glued to it the moment she saw the cartoons that were running. Jade went to the kitchen to make some breakfast for them. She opened the fridge and smiled up. At least the Valentines kept actual food in their house. She took out everything she needed and began making some cupcakes, just as she knew Cat liked them. Cat was oblivious to it, her attention completely given to the TV. It only lead to a surprised Cat crushing Jade in a bear hug the moment she saw the red cupcake that Jade held in front of her when she realized what the Goth had done for her. Both sat down and began eating, silence filling the room for a moment as both only wanted to fill their stomachs.

"You didn't sleep well last night." Cat stated, making Jade stop in her movement immediately. She placed the cupcake down and let out a small sigh.

"No. But it wasn't as bad as usually. I actually did get an hour of sleep this time." Jade told her. It also had to do something with the fact that it wasn't anger or fear overwhelming her now, but only sadness. It was something she learnt to live with. It was something ever-present in her life for years now. She'd rather have that than an anger attack where she says things she doesn't mean and break stuff or a panic attack where she begins to cry and shake out of fear.

"Tori told me you sleep well when it's her close to you." Cat said with a smirk. She knew where she wanted to take this. Jade was as stubborn as they come, and she would get her into a corner now until she admits something to not only Cat, but herself.

Jade only played with her food, not answering immediately. She realized where Cat wanted to take this and she wouldn't have any of it. Her life was as complicated as it is right now, and she didn't need even more complications.

"So? I was simply more tired in the past few days and fell asleep more easily." Jade lied, but going to a performance school where acting was one of the basics made her a good liar. There were useful things she learnt in there, and one of those things is how to hide herself behind a character.

"Yeah. Sure." Cat said halfheartedly, not believing a single word her best friend had just said. She knew her too well for the other to be able to lie to her.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"Nope."

"Why not."

"Come on, Jade. How long do I know you?" Cat asked, never raising her voice. She wouldn't do that with Jade, no matter how irritated she would get. Jade had enough of that with her parents and even with Beck while they were together. It only made Jade more defensive, and that only lead to arguments.

"Cat…"

"You always told me when something was bothering you and never even tried to lie to me before. Why are you trying now?" Cat asked as she watched Jade get out of her chair and walk to the couch before she let herself drop onto it and buried her face into a pillow. Cat followed her and sat down next to her, gently stroking her hair.

"I can't complicate my life anymore. I can't be falling for Tori, Cat. I just can't." Jade cried out, for the first time saying out loud what she even had refused to think about.

"Jade, if you are in love with Tori, you have to tell her." Cat said.

"I can't just go to her and tell her "Hey, Vega, I'm in love with you", how do you think is she going to react?" Jade spat, louder than she wanted to. She saw Cat flinch for a second. "Sorry, it's just… I can't do this to her. I'm a fuck up, Cat. I would only pull her down with me, and I can't do that. Not after everything she had done for me." Jade explained, hot tears running down her cheek. Cat only sat there silently, being in a loss of words. She was right. Jade was falling for Tori. She understood that the moment she saw her behavior change towards the half Latina. But she never thought about everything else being a factor within that. Jade was afraid of ruining Tori's life. Of breaking Tori the way Jade is broken herself. Jade thought about someone else this time. She thought about the consequences.

"But what if it turns out alright? What if the two of you become happy?" Cat asked. Jade left out a loud snigger.

"What has turned out alright in my life Cat? Everything I touch gets broken immediately. Whatever I do ends up wrong. It ends up in a catastrophe. Just look at my life." Jade said through angry tears. She buried her head back into the pillow before she let a big sob escape her.

Cat's attention drifted away to the front door when she heard it open and someone walk in. Her face changed from desperation and guilt because she started the whole topic to relief and hope when she saw Tori walk into the house. The younger Vega froze for a moment when she heard the familiar sound of Jade's sobs.

Tori gave Cat a look reading "What's going on?" before Cat only looked down at the crying Goth, who was completely oblivious to Tori's presence. Tori walked over to the couch and put her hand on Jade's head, gently stroking her hair.

"Jade, what's wrong?" Tori asked in a concerned voice.

Jade's tears froze the moment she realized Tori was there. Her inner demons seemed to run away as soon as the half Latina had made her presence known. Jade raised her head of off the pillow and looked at Tori with her tear stained eyes. Jade didn't know what to say. How could she explain it to the girl she seemed to be in love with? How could she change the other girl's life and complicate it to no ends?

Jade sat up and wrapped both arms around Tori, resting her head on the other girls shoulder.

"Please, just…" Jade said, but her voice left her. Tori hugged her back, making Jade feel so much better. Tori looked at Cat who had been silent the whole time, searching for answers. Cat only lowered her eyes. It wasn't for her to tell Tori. It was Jade who needed to do it.

"Do you want to go home?" Tori asked. Jade only nodded. After a few minutes, both girls let go of one another and got up. Before she left, Jade gave Cat a hug goodbye.

"See you tomorrow." Jade said as she had Cat in her arms.

"I'm sorry, Jadey." Cat said in a guilt filled voice. She felt bad for making Jade cry. It wasn't her intention. It never was.

"It's okay. I'm glad you made me admit it." Jade whispered before letting go and giving Cat a small smile. No matter the tears, it did feel better letting someone know about it, but it would still take a lot for her to tell Tori.

As Jade left to get to Tori's car, Tori stayed for a moment, turning to Cat.

"What happened?" Tori asked in a voice more aggressive than she originally indented it to be. She realized it when Cat flinched at the venom in Tori's voice. "I'm sorry, Cat. Just… please, tell me." Tori said in a much softer voice.

"It's something Jade has to tell you. Just… don't force it." Cat answered. She couldn't tell her more. If she did, Jade wouldn't forgive her.

"Alright. I just hope she'll be okay." Tori said before giving Cat a quick hug and heading back to her car. She would find out what happened. She knew that Jade would tell her eventually. Still, there was something she wanted Jade to know too. It was something she craved to let out of her system since she had that conversation with Andre.


	16. Wonderful Night

Jade and Tori arrived at Tori's place after a silent car ride. Jade hadn't said a word and Tori didn't push for a conversation. She only struggled to understand what it could have been this time to drive Jade to tears. She was sure that it wasn't the usual stuff. If it was, it wouldn't have been kept in such secrecy both by her and by Cat. It had to be something else. Maybe something new happened. Tori didn't know, and it drove her insane. After all, how was she supposed to help Jade if she didn't even know what the problem was?

Jade began walking upstairs, wanting to simply lie down on her bed and allow her broken mind to throw everything at her. It would be better than thinking about what was going on between her and Tori, and it was definitely better than thinking about why it never could be anything.

"Jade, wait!" Tori yelled, stopping the young Goth in her tracks. Jade didn't turn around. She didn't want to look at Tori. It would only make it worse for her.

"Yeah?" Jade said in a voice she would have described as pathetic. It was heartbreaking to see her so weak. It seemed that a single blow could knock her to pieces.

"How about we watch a movie?" Tori asked. She thought of something she was sure would cheer her up, now she only had to say yes.

Jade stood there for a moment, a fierce battle going on in her mind. A part of her told her to say no. To lock herself into her room and stay away from the one person who is able to manipulate her emotions without even honestly trying. From the one person she couldn't stop drawn too so often now that she was scared it would become an obsession. From the one person whose life she would change for the worse.

But the other part was stronger. It desired the other girl. It wanted to feel her closeness. It wanted to feel her caring. It wanted to feel safe next to her again.

"Okay." Jade said before walking back downstairs. She felt warmer inside when she noticed the wide smile appearing on Tori's face because she didn't tell her off. _I can make her happy too. _Jade thought, but her doubts immediately began building up. Her mind was a constant battlefield. No decision seemed easy. No decision seemed to do anything good. It only seemed to make things worse, and every bad decision made the battles last longer. They made her inner struggles harder. She knew that with time, she wouldn't be able to take anymore.

Jade sat down on the couch while a grinning Tori placed a DVD into the player and sat down next to her. Jade noticed the closeness between them. She didn't have anything against it. The opposite was the truth. She wanted to be even closer.

The movie started and Jade let out a small chuckle. Tori had put it Saw 5, knowing about Jade's love for horror movies, especially the bloody ones. The first scene was great, showing a man's intestines being ripped out by a pendulum while he was strapped on a table. Jade began laughing when his intestines got ripped out and smacked against the walls, making Tori look at her in a face that read half disgust, half "really?"

"What?" Jade asked, still laughing at the scene.

"That makes you laugh?" Tori asked in disbelief.

"Hey, I'm a sick child." Jade said with a smirk. Tori only shook her head before turning her attention back to the movie.

Halfway trough the movie, Jade decided to take a risk. She leaned her head on Tori's shoulder, hoping that the other girl would pull away. She felt Tori's shoulder tense up for a moment before relaxing again. Jade smiled a small smile, happy that she didn't need to be afraid of physical contact with the other girl. It wasn't that it had been an issue before, after all, she spent almost every night in Tori's arms the past week, but to her, it only looked as a thing Tori did to calm her down. She didn't want to read too much into it or put to high hopes in that. But now she realized that it wasn't only something reserved for calm down talks. And it wasn't too much either. After all, she and Cat do this all the time.

What did surprise her was Tori leaning her head on Jade's, showing her that the enjoyment seemed mutual. They both sat like this through the whole movie, with Jade laughing at every bloody scene in the movie and Tori shaking her head every time with a small chuckle because of Jade's antics. The movie finished, and yet the girls didn't move. Jade closed her eyes, wanting to enjoy the moment as long as she could. She was afraid that someone would rip Tori away from her. It always happened. The things and people she cared about always got taken away one day.

"What happened at Cat's place?" Tori asked after a few minutes had passed. Jade tensed up at the question, and Tori felt that. Jade moved away and her green eyes met Tori's. Jade wanted to tell her. She wanted to let it out and deal with it. But she couldn't. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't.

Jade shook her head as tears began running down her cheek. She tried to get up and run away. She didn't want to face her now. She couldn't. She was too weak to take it. But before she could run away, she felt a hand grab her wrist and hold her in place. Jade tried to pull away, but there was no use. She didn't have strength to do so. Not with a part of her actually wanting to stay.

"Don't run away from me." Tori said in a warm voice, weakening Jade's resistance even more. While others always let her leave, presumably to allow her to let out some steam, Tori never did. She didn't want Jade to go through this all by herself. Tori really wanted to help, and if she couldn't help, she always to at least stay there as a support.

Jade found herself gently pulled back down onto the couch, before Tori slowly grabbed Jade's legs and gently put them on hers, finally wrapping both arms around the broken girl. Jade was practically sitting in Tori's lap now, embraced in a protective hug while resting her head on Tori's shoulder. She gasped at what was happening, never expecting a move like that. All the fear, the anger, the doubts, rose immediately to oppose what was coming, but none of them were a match against what Tori made her feel. She swore she was melting into Tori's embrace, the familiar feeling of safety and serenity overcoming her and rampaging over every bad emotion she thought she could never get rid off.

"Jade, I know you are scared, but you are not alone. I'm here for you, just please, let me help you." Tori almost whispered, gently squeezing Jade's arm to show her that she was there.

"I am scared." Jade calmly said.

"What are you scared off?"

"I'm scared off… this." Jade answered, her eyes closed, not wanting to see Tori's reaction.

"This? What do you mean?" Tori asked, but she already knew the answer. She didn't know if it was relief or sadness that rose in her chest. It could be both, after all, it seemed Jade had feelings for her too, but on the other hand, she was as afraid of it as Tori was herself.

"Whenever you hold me, I feel so… safe, Tori. I feel as if I don't have to worry about a single thing in the world. I feel that I can take everything that the world can throw at me. Whenever you hold me my mind calms down. I stop being afraid. I stop being angry. I stop being sad. I couldn't explain it myself. I didn't want to. But I have to admit it; otherwise it will tear me apart. After everything you've done for me, after every sacrifice you made for me, even when I did all those horrible things… I think I'm falling in love with you." Jade finished, clenching her eyes shut even more. She waited for a response, for a reaction. She waited for Tori to push her away in disgust and tell her to get out of her life.

What happen tough surprised Jade more than the fact that she survived her suicide attempt. It surprised her more than the fact what her parents have done to her. It surprised her more than Tori giving her a place to stay and forgiving her everything Jade had done and said to her. She felt one of Tori's arms let go of her. Jade immediately felt hot tears form themselves, waiting to loose the person she owed everything to. The person she was in love with. But then she felt a hand gently put some of her hear behind her ear before cupping her cheek. Jade opened her eyes to see Tori looking at her. There was no anger in Tori's face. No disgust. No shock. Nothing. She only looked at her with a warm smile which could melt iron if it wanted to.

She saw Tori slowly move her head, closing the in the beginning small distance between them before she felt her soft lips on hers. The kiss wasn't long. There was no tongue. Yet, it washed away every ounce of fear that was strong enough to crush Jade underneath it. Tori moved away a few seconds later, leaving a shocked Jade to stare at her as if she had grown a hundred new heads.

"Does it feel wrong?" Tori asked her. Jade only shook her head no, not able to utter a single word. "Neither does it to me." Tori said before leaning her forehead against Jade's, feeling the Goth's gasp. "I'm as scared as you are. Trust me. I've been avoiding this for a while now, but I can't ignore it anymore. Jade, I feel the same way you do." Tori finally told her. Jade felt the doubts silence. She felt a rush of happiness overcome her body. Before she knew it, she was smiling like a small child. She wouldn't be able to remove that smile now, even if she wanted to.

"You…you do? But… how? Why?" Jade stuttered, still not believing what was happening. It seemed like a dream she only waited to snap out off into the hell that was reality.

"I don't know since when exactly, but I know when I admitted it to myself. It was last night when I couldn't fall asleep without you safe in my arms. It was when I couldn't stop thinking about you." Tori admitted. It was the truth. She couldn't sleep for a moment, not without the other girl being there with her. It was also why she was always awake whenever Jade came to her room. It had been that way since Jade tried to take her life. It was why Tori stayed at the hospital. She needed to know that Jade was okay. "I didn't sleep myself the whole week when we weren't talking… well, when I wasn't talking to you. I kept thinking about you and if you are okay."

"I…I just want something to go right." Jade said as fresh tears began running down her cheek. Tori gently wiped them away with her thumb before giving her another quick peck on the lips.

"You need professional help, Jade. No, you are not crazy; I know you want to say it. But you've been through so much, and it's more than you can handle."

"I…I'll do it. But please…"

"I won't leave your side. I'm here for you. And I'm going to every session with you if you want me to. I promise."

"Thank you." Jade said before she wrapped both her arms around Tori's neck and hugged her as close to her as possible. "Wh…what are we now?" Jade asked, not sure what all this meant.

"I don't know. Let's just…take it slow. I don't want to rush things because…"

"Because of what?" Jade asked while she moved away a bit so she could look at the half Latina. She saw the worry in Tori's eyes. She saw the conflict going on in her mind, but she wasn't sure if it was the same type of conflict she had.

"Look, I don't want to take advantage of you while you feel vulnerable, that's all. When you get better, then we can figure this out." Tori said. It was the rational thing to do. Still, Jade frowned. She knew that Tori was right, but still, she had hoped she wouldn't have to wait anymore.

"Alright. I mean… I know you are right. It's just…"

"Just what?"

"I don't know what… I can do and can't do. I…" Jade stuttered, but Tori gave her an easy answer. She pulled Jade closer one more time to close the distance between them and their lips. This kiss was longer. It was more passionate. It made Jade feel better than she had felt for years now. After a few minutes, Tori pulled away and cupped her cheeks with both her hands.

"Just don't think too much about this. It will work. I promise."


	17. Promises

Monday mornings were one of the many things Jade hated, but not even a Monday morning could ruin the big, wide smile Jade had on her face when she woke up that morning. Waking up next to Tori was something she had already done more than once by now, but this time it was completely different. Last night, both girls had confessed their emotions towards the other one, admitting both to the other girl and themselves that they fell in love. When they went to bed that night, Jade allowed herself to melt in Tori's safe embrace, not allowing her depression to even try to ruin the moment.

When she woke up, Jade found herself in Tori's arms, having snuggled as close to Tori as possible. She looked at the Clock on the wall and realized that she had ten more minutes before the alarm would start. She leaned her head back on Tori's shoulder and relaxed. She enjoyed everything about the moment she found herself in. She enjoyed the fact that the first thing she would see in the morning and the last thing she would see before sleep was Tori's beautiful face. She enjoyed the fact that the first thing she would feel in the morning and last thing she would feel before sleep were Tori's arms around her body and Tori's lips on hers.

Before the alarm could go off, Jade leaned in and gave Tori a quick peck on the lips, then another one, and then another before she rose one of her hands to cup Tori's cheek before passionately kissing Tori one more time, which managed to wake the other girl up after a moan.

"Good morning." Tori said with a smile when she opened her eyes and noticed a smiling Jade lying next to her. Tori couldn't take her eyes of the Goth, mesmerized by the genuine smile Jade had so rarely.

"Good morning." Jade answered, caressing Tori's cheek gently with her hand. Tori leaned in to give Jade one more good morning kiss before she threw their blanket off them and sat up, leaving Jade to let out a loud groan in response.

"We have to go to school, Jade." Tori told her as she jumped off the bed.

"Can't we stay here today?" Jade asked with a pout.

"Hey, after being Cat's friend for so many years now, those things don't work on me." Tori proudly said before she rushed out of her room into the bathroom.

"It was worth a try." Jade said to herself before getting out of bed and walking downstairs into the other bathroom. A good thing was that Tori's parents were always gone by the time they got up and Trina always slept ten minutes longer, leaving Tori and Jade with two bathrooms to get ready in.

After brushing her teeth and applying some make up, Jade walked into the kitchen and poured herself some coffee. She took a long sip before licking her lips. It was her favorite taste in the morning. She took another long sip before walking over to the couch, sitting down and turning on the TV. She surfed through the channels, knowing that there was nothing on worth watching, but she needed to waste some time until Tori got ready. Not too long after, the other girl walked downstairs.

"Ready to go?" Tori asked, leaning over the couch and wrapping both arms around the other girl. Jade closed her eyes for a moment and smiled a wide smile. Yesterday had felt like a dream, so to find out that it all was real and actually happened was more than a big relief for the young Goth.

"Yeah. Let's go." She said before getting up. Both girls walked over to Tori's car and got inside, Tori reversing out and heading towards school.

"Do you think we should tell the others?" Jade asked suddenly. "You know, about us."

"Yeah, why not?" Tori asked back, looking quickly at Jade before she turned her eyes back on the road.

"Just asking. I… wanted to see if you are okay with that. I want to let Cat know. She must be worried sick since yesterday." Jade said in a sadder tone. Tori placed her free hand on Jade's and gave it a light squeeze, getting Jade's attention.

"You can tell everyone as far as I'm concerned. I'm not ashamed. And I think our best friends deserve to know." Tori said in a warm voice. Truth is, she wanted to tell Andre too. She wanted to tell him that he was right.

The girls arrived at school a few minutes later. Both got out of the car and walked towards school. Jade moved closer to Tori and took her hand.

"Awww!" Tori said as she looked down, a wide smile appearing on her face. Such showings of affection were not something she was used to by the Goth, especially not in public.

"Shut up!" Jade said, but couldn't hold back the small smile that formed itself on her face. Holding hands with Tori didn't feel awkward. It didn't feel wrong. It made her feel good.

The moment those two walked together into the school holding hands, everyone's attention immediately switched to them. Jade felt the others stare at them in pure disbelief, many whispering something to the person next to them or just standing still with their mouths open.

Jade looked nervously at Tori, who didn't seem to care a single bit about everybody looking at them. Tori walked Jade to her locker and stood there with her, noticing the frown Jade tried to hide.

"What's wrong?" Tori asked, but she already knew the answer. After all, she saw when the smile Jade had went away.

"Everybody's staring at us." Jade answered.

"You never cared about the others. Why do you care now about what they think or if they stare at you?" Tori asked Jade the question Jade had asked herself the moment she noticed it affecting her. Truth was, she didn't know. It made her feel uncomfortable, and that was all she knew.

"I don't know Tori. I just…" Jade said shaking her head. One moment ago she was happier than she ever thought she would be again, and now she felt something drag away that feeling of happiness. She didn't know what was bothering her now. She only knew that it wasn't the first time things like this happened to her. Whenever she was happy, something seemed to come up and ruin it for her. Whenever she and Beck broke up before, it was because of a problem Jade introduced. When they were separated, Jade only wanted him back, thinking how such trivial things wouldn't matter again. Once they got back again, the circle started again with something trivial bothering her. It was a devil's circle for her.

"Just what?" Tori asked again, concerned about the girl she was in love with.

Jade looked at Tori with her emerald green eyes. This was how things always started. When she was with Beck, he would notice this; ask her what was wrong, get no answer and then they would start to fight. Truth was, Jade could never honestly answer him those questions because she never knew exactly why herself. But once the fighting began, there was no going back. They would throw everything bad the other had done in the past, trying to outdo each other in the process.

"You know..:" Tori said, snapping Jade out of her thoughts and her memories," when my grandma died, I was sad for a very long time and it took me a lot of time to come to terms with it. But during that time, I always found something to complain about. It was simply to take my mind of the big picture. I would never see her again, and it was something I didn't want to think about. I changed the way I dressed, I changed my hair, everything. Then, when there were no more problems left to bicker about, I began making them up. After a while, I forgot how it was to be happy. I forgot how to be happy at all. It was crazy. Even when everything was perfect, I'll either find the most ridiculous detail to be mad at or I'll make something up by myself. It didn't stop until I had met Danny. He was the one who helped me get out of that misery." Tori explained, leaving Jade staring with an open mouth. Tori smiled at Jade's dumbfounded expression, happy and proud at herself that she hit the target. She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around Jade's waist and her back, hugging her to herself.

"Don't worry. I'll get you out of that place. I promise." Tori whispered. She gave Jade a quick kiss before she let her go. "I'll see you at lunch." Tori finished before walking off to her locker.

Jade stood her, chuckling at the whole ordeal. She didn't expect this from the other girl. _Tori really is full of surprises_ Jade thought. She shook her head in disbelief before closing her locker and walking towards her class.

A few hours later Jade placed her books back in the locker, ready to head towards the Asphalt Café.

"Hi!"

Jade smiled when she recognized the high pitched voice. She turned around to see Cat stand behind her, nervously playing with the ends of her hair.

"Hey Cat." Jade said with a small, but genuine smile.

"Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't want to make you cry. I hope you're not mad at me. I'm really, really…" Cat tried to finish, but stopped when she found herself in a tight hug.

"It's okay, Kitty. I'm not mad. And I'm glad you mentioned it. If you hadn't, nothing would have happened yesterday." Jade said in a soft voice.

"Wait, what happened?" Cat asked, wondering what her best friend was talking about.

"Tori and I talked and… we admitted things to one another." Jade explained.

"Admitted?" Cat asked in a confused voice. "You mean?!" Cat asked, realization striking her after a short moment. Jade only nodded.

"Yes. And I guess she and I are a couple now." Jade said, feeling her smile widen at those words. They were a couple. Tori was her girlfriend.

"Oh my god! Yay!" Cat said before hugging Jade and lifting her up with surprising strength. "I'm so happy for you."

"Thank you."

"Where's Tori?" Cat asked, looking around the hallway for the other girl.

"She told me to meet her at lunch." Jade answered.

"Let's go there; I want to congratulate her too!" Cat said in an enthusiastic tone, grabbing Jade's wrist and dragging her behind her. Jade laughed at Cat's behavior. She could swear that Cat was at least as happy as she was at the news.

In the same time, Tori was outside in the Café, having ordered something to eat from Festus' truck and made her way towards her usual table. She sat down and placed her food on the table, waiting for the others to arrive. She had been thinking about Jade the whole morning and what had happened in front of Jade's locker. It remembered Tori so much about the past. It brought out some painful memories. Memories of the two years she would never forget. Two years before she came to Hollywood Arts and met all those amazing people she now called friends.

"Hey girl." Andre greeted his best friend while he sat down. He noticed Tori's sad expression, getting concerned immediately. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Tori answered, letting out a long sigh before she turned to face the young man. "I've got some news for you." She said with a smile.

"What happened?" Andre asked, hoping that the idea he has is right.

"Well, let's just say two of your friends are now together." Tori said with a grin.

"You and Jade?" Andre asked in excitement. Tori only nodded. "Finally!" Andre screamed, rising his arms high as if he had won something. Tori rolled her eyes at his reaction. He always knew how to overact to things. Still, it wouldn't have happened without him. Not without him bringing up the topic Tori had avoided for a while.

"Thank you." Tori said, sitting closer to him to hug his arm and lean her head on his shoulder.

"For what?" Andre asked.

"For talking to me about it two days ago. I…wouldn't have accepted it had you not made me talk about it." Tori said honestly. Andre let out a chuckle.

"That's what I'm here for. I've got to straighten you out whenever you drift off." He said, Tori only hugging his arm tighter. It was true. He was always the one who kept her on track. He always jumped in when she was in danger of falling off, even if he had to sacrifice something to do so. Tori remembered when he helped her write her song for the performance where they embarrassed Ryder Daniels. Andre hadn't gone to his grand grandfather's birthday only to help her. Unfortunately, he did pass away a month later. Tori had felt guilty, but Andre wasn't mad at her. He never was. When she came to his house the day after the funeral to apologize, he didn't even let her start. He only told her that he is not blaming her and that he already had amazing memories with him. He was only glad he managed to help her.

"You and Jade what?" Both turned around to see Beck standing behind them, looking at them curiously.

"Beck, I…" Tori stuttered. She knew he would find out one day, but she didn't expect it to be this quickly.

"So let me get this straight? You and Jade are now a couple?" Beck asked in his usual stoic tone. His face was blank. No emotions could be read from it. Tori only stared at him, trying to figure out what to say. What to do.

"Beck, look, I… Jade and I…"

"You know, I should be mad. I mean, I really should. First you tell me off because Jade is my ex and you couldn't do that to her, but now you and her are together? It's not really fair, is it?" Beck asked, neither his expression nor his voice changing for even a moment. Tori and Andre sat there in silence, none daring to say anything now. "But after everything you've done for her and after seeing her being so happy this morning when she walked in with you, I can't be mad." Beck finished, a small smile appearing on his face.

Tori and Andre looked at him as if he had grown another head.

"Wait? So… you are not…" Tori stuttered again, not believing what he had just pulled.

"No, I'm not. If you are the reason she smiles again and wants to continue living, then you have my blessing." Beck said as he sat down on the table himself.

"Beck, I…"

"I still care about her, but it was me who ended the relationship. I still care about her. I really do. I almost went crazy when I found out she had tried to kill herself. So if it's you that can do what I failed to do and if you are going to make her happy, please, do it." Beck said, his voice filled with emotions. It was always like that when he was talking about Jade. He still loved her, and probably always would. But he also knew that he wasn't right for her anymore. He had made too many mistakes himself in the past. Now, he was only happy that not only was there someone who could fill the void he must have left in her life, but also do everything right he had done wrong.

"Just take care of her Tori, please." Beck begged.

"I will. I promise."


	18. Trying

„I'm not so sure about this anymore. " Jade said in a nervous tone. Tori and she were standing in front of a large building where Jade is supposed to meet a shrink for their first session. Luckily for them, Robbie's cousin had gotten his PhD in Psychology a few months ago and just recently opened his own office here in Hollywood. Thanks to Robbie, Jade got her reservation very quickly. She was somewhat happy in the beginning, but now, standing in front of the building, she got cold feet.

"Don't forget why we are doing this. It's only for your own good." Tori told her in a soft voice, giving Jade's hand she had been holding the whole time a light squeeze. Jade looked at the other girl, remembering why she had to do this. She did it for her friends and for the girl she was in love with. She was doing it so she wouldn't get any stupid ideas anymore. She did it for herself, so she could learn to enjoy every moment she had with those people instead of ruining it with irrelevant thoughts and ideas.

"I'm doing this for you, Tori." Jade said in a shaky voice. She noticed how Tori's lips began to tremble for a moment before she got a hold of herself. Tori leaned in and gave Jade a gentle kiss, a silent thank you for her not chickening out in the last moment.

"I'll stay by your side. Don't worry, you are not alone." Tori said. Both girls made their way inside the building where they entered the elevator and arrived at the eighteenth floor. Both girls stopped once they found the door which read "Dr. Shapiro". Tori knocked on the door, waiting for a response. A few moments later, a man in his late twenties opened the door with a smile. He didn't look much like his cousin. He was taller and had short hair, but the glasses were a giveaway.

"Jade West?" The man asked.

"Yes, that's me." Jade said nervously.

"Ah, glad you are here. Then you must be Tori." He said as they shook hands.

"Nice to meet you." Tori said, giving him a polite smile.

"Please, come in." He said as he moved aside and motioned them to enter the office. Both girls made their way inside and observed the room they were in. It was the waiting room, as there were a lot of chairs inside and a small table with magazines.

"Okay, Jade, you will come with me. Tori, I must ask you to either wait here or come back in an hour." He told them.

"Wait, why can't she come in with me?" Jade asked, panic taking over. She didn't want to do this alone. She didn't want to think about those things without Tori near her. It would only break her again.

"Jade, it's okay. I understand. I will be waiting right here for you. I'm only in the next room." Tori told her as she wrapped her arms around Jade, calming her down immediately. "I still got it." Tori said with a smirk, earning a small chuckle from the Goth.

"Okay… I'll do it. But you promise you won't go away?"

"I promise."

"Thank you." Jade said as she leaned in and thanked Tori with a passionate kiss. A moment later Jade moved away and walked inside the office, Dr. Shapiro closing the door after them. Tori sat down on one of the chairs as she took one of the magazines and began reading something in it.

Jade walked inside and looked around the room they were in. It looked great with all the flowers and paintings. She also noticed the diploma hanging on one of the walls.

"Took me only seven years to get that." He said, noticing her staring at the diploma.

"Yeah, let's hope it weren't wasted years." Jade deadpanned, earning a laugh from the older man.

"Rob was right. You do love sarcasm." He said as he sat down on one of the sofas. He motioned Jade to sit down somewhere herself. Jade sat down on the couch that was next to it.

"So how do we do this? You ask questions and I answer them?" Jade asked, waiting to hear what the good old shrink had planned for her. She hoped he wouldn't try to prescribe her something. She didn't need to end up like Cat's brother.

"Actually, let's start by me introducing myself. My name is William and I'm twenty eight years old."

"Alright, my name is Jade." She said in a half interested tone.

"What is your story?"

"My story?" Jade asked, raising an eyebrow. She didn't know where this conversation was supposed to go.

"Yes. Everyone has a story to tell. The best thing is that no person has the same story as someone else. So, what's your story?" He asked again,

"I tried to kill myself and my parents left me on the street. There, happy now?" Jade said in a furious tone. She was surprised at William not even flinching. He definitely wasn't anything like his cousin.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" William asked.

Jade sat there for a minute, thinking about if she should answer that question. She already told Tori and Cat. While it did make her feel a little bit better, it didn't do much for her on the long run.

"Jadelyn, whatever you say here will not leave this room, I can promise you that. I already have an assumption with what's going on, but I need more details to be sure." He explained in a calm voice.

Jade let out a long sigh before looking at him. She decided that she already had nothing to loose so she went with it. She told him about Tori coming to Hollywood Arts and everything that had happened since then. She told him about her parents and how they had changed with time. William listened the whole time, making some notes without saying a single word.

"…and now, she and I are together. There, you happy?" Jade finished with her usual, cold voice she was happy to have back this moment.

"What I am happy about is that you decided to talk about it." William said as he placed his notebook on the table and turned back to look at the Goth. "Jade, your whole issue resides within the fact that you have no true release for all your emotions. This is why they are overwhelming you now. It's like a glass slowly being filled with water. No matter how slowly it happens, at one point, the glass will be full and the rest coming will flow over." He explained. Jade thought about it for a moment.

"But I did have my releases. A few of them. I sing, I act, I write and I've done more things to calm me down." Jade said in a aggressive voice.

"You are wearing long sleeves while it is warm enough to wear short ones, so I do have a reason to guess another release you tried." He said in a serious tone. Jade looked away, not saying a word. He knew that he was right when she did that. "Jade, listen to me. Your condition is not medical. It's psychological and it won't require medication. You need to understand two things: one, its okay to let go of the stored emotions and release them on something; and two, it's not a weakness to show vulnerability to the people you trust." William explained. Jade looked down, thinking about what he had just told her. She did want to let all the anger out on something. But she didn't want to show how truly vulnerable she was. What Tori had seen was only the things she couldn't hold back. The rest was still locked away somewhere, and she wanted it to stay there for the rest of her life.

"I'll think about what you said. But I believe my hour is up." Jade said in a neutral tone.

"You are right. If you want to, I can book you in two weeks again. Until then, I don't have any free dates." William explained. He knew that he couldn't break through in only one hour of talking, but he found out enough things he could work with.

"I'll give you a call these days. Bye." Jade said before she got up and walked out of his office. She walked through the door and saw Tori sitting on a chair in the now almost full waiting room, reading one of the many magazines. Tori lifted her head to see Jade standing there, a neutral expression on her face. Tori quickly got up and walked towards her.

"How did it go?" She asked while taking Jade's hands and giving them a gentle squeeze.

"Fine, can we go?" Jade said in a cold voice. Tori let out a small sigh as she frowned.

"Sure. Go wait by the car. I'll be there in a moment." Tori said in a lower voice. Jade looked at her. She knew that Tori was disappointed that the first session didn't seem to be very successful, but that was just the way it was.

"Okay. I'll wait there." Jade said before walking off. She hated herself right now. She hated herself for not being able to make things better. She wanted to, but what the shrink had asked her to do was too much. How could she let go of everything that happened to her? How could she show vulnerability after she had fought for so long to keep a strong façade? It was too much for her. There had to be another way, and she would find it.

Tori, on the other hand, walked into Dr. Shapiro's office and closed the door behind her.

"Can I help you?" He asked when he noticed her standing there.

"Yes, you can. What can I do to help Jade?" Tori asked in a voice filled with hope. A small smile formed on Williams lips. It was rare that others wanted to do something too. They all usually expected the doctors and psychologists to do all the work while they sit back and do nothing. It didn't work that way, but nobody understood that. Or they didn't want to understand that.

"She has a lot of things buried deep inside. What you've seen is only the overflow she can't hold back. Find something she can use that energy on. From personal experience, sport is a great way to do so. Not only is it something you can get rid of the negative energy, but it also produces chemicals in your body which make you feel good. The rest is up to her." He explained. Tori only nodded. She understood.

"Alright. Thank you. Bye."

"Bye."

Tori left the office and walked out of the waiting room and out of the building. She made her way towards her car where Jade was standing with her arms crossed. As soon as she was there, Tori wrapped both arms around Jade.

"Thank you for trying." Tori said in a soft voice. Jade felt a knot form in her throat. She felt guilty. She felt guilty because she didn't want to try what he had told her. She did want to get better, but there had to be another way to do so.

"Tori… I…"  
"Shh. It's okay. We'll find another way." Tori interrupted her. She cupped Jade's cheek before kissing her. A few moments later both girls let go and got into the car, driving back home.


	19. A night in the Garden

Days passed quickly as school became a bit more bearable to Jade. The teachers, who were now used to her spacing out, pretty much didn't bother her during classes, seeing that her grades were still as flawless as always. She enjoyed that more than anyone could imagine. She would use that time to think about what the shrink had told her. She would think about what she would have to do according to him, and remind herself why she couldn't do it. Truth was, she knew how fragile her mind is right now. She knew how fragile she was herself. She was aware that without Tori or Cat she would have either died on her first suicide attempt or tried another. The only thing keeping her alive right now was that she didn't want to put her girlfriend and her best friend through hell, again.

She also knew that the others were aware of how fragile she was. Not a day passed without Cat calling her two more times after school to check how Jade was. At school, Beck, Andre and Robbie would ask her every day how she felt and if there was anything they could do. It was a sweet gesture from them, but there was nothing they could do to improve the whole situation. Jade knew that it all was on her, and that scared her the most. In the past few months, everything she tried to do failed miserably, and right now, she had no confidence in her own mental strength or her abilities.

She tried out many things to get her mind away from everything. She even tried to help other people with things that shouldn't really bother her. Someone forgot their lunch money? Jade noticed it and paid for them. Someone had trouble with an assignment? Jade gladly helped, using her knowledge and experience to quickly take care of any problem. Someone needed an last minute actress or singer in one of their plays? Jade volunteered, increasing the quality of an originally mediocre play to what others would describe as fascinating experience. It worked for a while. She felt good whenever she managed to fix a problem. She knew that she did it only to run away from her own, but that was the whole purpose of it. It also made her feel good about herself. After all, she was able to do something others struggled with. Yet, while she did feel good in the beginning, it slowly grew weaker by the favor. She couldn't explain it, but to her, it seemed that the people didn't care anymore. To her, it seemed as if they were expecting it by now.

Jade walked downstairs to get something to drink. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Mr. Vega carrying a rather big box through the living room.

"Hey Jade." The man greeted her when he noticed the Goth standing on the steps. He slowly placed the box down on the ground and wiped away the sweat on his forehead.

"What is this?" Jade asked, curiously looking at it.

"Well, Tori told me about your therapy session and what the doc told her about you focusing your energy on something, so I thought of something you may like." He told her, leaning on the couch with both arms.

"And what would it be?" Jade said as she walked towards the kitchen and took an empty glass.

"It's a heavy boxing bag. We got new ones at the station and they allowed me to take this one. These things are perfect when you need to let off some steam. You let out all your frustrations on it." He explained.

Jade stood there for a moment, thinking about what he had said. It's true; she did at times feel like punching something. Most of the time tough, there wasn't really something to punch. Well, there always was Trina, but that wouldn't be smart.

"You think it would help?" Jade asked.

"It works with me and many of my colleagues. My boss yells at me? I let it out on the bag. I have a bad day? I let it out on the bag. Someone drives me crazy? All on the bag. After a while, you are so tired that you stop caring altogether and just go to sleep." He told her as he picked the box up again and carried it to the garage. Jade peeked her head through the door, seeing a treadmill and a exercise bike standing there already. Mr. Vega took out some gloves out of the box and placed them on a shelf before taking the bag by the chain and hanging it on the ceiling.

"You can use it whenever you want. Just wear some gloves. It keeps your knuckles from bleeding." He said, giving her a smile before he walked past her into the living room and then upstairs, probably to take a shower or change. Jade looked at the bag there. A small smirk formed itself on her face. After a long time, here was an idea she actually liked. She took one pair of gloves and tried to put them on, struggling with the second one. After a minute and half, she finally managed to do so and began hitting on the bag. The punches were rather clumsy, considering she never did any boxing or fighting in particular. But every following punch became a bit more secure, and after around thirty minutes, she somewhat knew what she was doing. And she had to admit it, it did make her feel good.

Breathing heavily, she took of the gloves and looked at herself, noticing that right now she was full of sweat. _Gross _she thought as she went upstairs, grabbing some clean clothes from her room before getting into the bathroom and into the shower. Hot water ran over her body as it washed away the sweat and a lot of stress away. She stood there, letting the water tickle her body as she thought about everything William had told her. She had to admit that he was right; letting off some steam does make her feel a bit better.

After another good twenty minutes, Jade turned off the water and got out of the shower, drying her body off with a towel before she put on a pair of sweatpants and a black tank top. She got out of the bathroom and walked towards Tori's room, knocking twice. She didn't get a response, so she slowly opened the door and peeked inside. Tori's room was empty. Jade shrugged before she walked downstairs, deciding she could watch some TV if nothing else. She sat down on the couch and began surfing through the channels, looking for something interesting, but before she could find anything, her attention drifted to someone opening the balcony door leading into the garden. Tori walked into the house, placing some things on the table before noticing Jade sitting on the couch.

A wide smile formed on Tori's lips before she walked towards the couch and leaned down to grab Jade's wrists.

"What are you doing?" Jade asked her, but Tori didn't answer. She pulled Jade up and began walking outside towards the garden, not letting go of Jade's wrist.

"Tori! Where are you dragging me?" Jade asked in an annoyed tone. She knew that Tori was probably trying to surprise her, and as everybody knows, Jade hates surprises.

"Here." Tori said. Jade looked at a single, long, linen hammock set up in the garden, hanging between two large metal frames. She turned her look to the other girl, who gave her a small smile. "Today is supposed to be that meteor shower, so I thought we could wait for it."

"And what is the hammock for?" Jade asked. "I mean, we could have watched it lying on the ground or whatever."

"Because…" Tori said before grabbing Jade's wrists again and leading her towards the hammock. Tori wrapped her arms around Jade before they lied down into the comfortable construction. "it's way more comfortable than lying on the floor and I can hug you like this without my arm falling asleep." Tori said with a smirk. It only grew wider when she noticed Jade slightly blushing. "Aww. Why are you blushing?"

"I'm not!" Jade said in a fierce tone, yet she didn't move even slightly. She didn't want to.

"Yes, you are." Tori said in a victorious tone. She heard Jade mumble a "whatever" before comfortable silence filled their surroundings. Yet, it didn't last for too long.

"Thank you." Jade said suddenly, surprising her girlfriend.

"You don't have to thank me. Building this wasn't too hard."

"Well, it's the first time someone did something like this with me." Jade admitted.

"What do you mean?"

"Nobody ever planned something so simple yet so… romantic for me."

"Oh, come on. You can't tell me that Beck never did that." Tori said in disbelief. A gesture like this was something normal in her world.

"He never did. I guess it never crossed his mind that I would actually like something like this."

"So you do like it." Tori said in a cheerful tone. She felt Jade turn in her arms, now lying on her back, resting her head on Tori's shoulder. Tori had one arm around Jade's waist while she traced small patterns with her other hand on Jade's arm, shoulder and collarbone, feeling Jade shiver from time to time from her touch.

"Of course I do." Jade said with a smile. Tori turned her head slightly to plant a gentle kiss on Jade's hair.

"I have a question." Jade asked out of nowhere.

"What is it?"

"Why did you and Danny break up?" Jade asked the question that wouldn't leave her alone since Tori had told her about her past experience and Danny helping her. She felt Tori tense up under her. Jade immediately began to panic, the idea popping to her head that she just crossed a line. She immediately grabbed Tori's arm that was around her waist with both hands, scared that Tori would leave. But as quickly as Tori had tensed up, she relaxed again, calming Jade down a little. "I'm sorry. You don't have to answer. Please, don't be mad. Don't…"

"Shh. It's okay. I'm not mad." Tori said while she wrapped her other arm around Jade's shoulders, tightening her hold on the Goth only slightly to let her know that she wasn't letting go. That she wasn't leaving. "As I told you, I've been going trough a hard time back then. I met Danny and he was just the greatest guy you can imagine. He was there for me. He listened to everything I had to say and he actually paid attention. My own parents hadn't really done that back then, not to talk about anyone else. But he did, and after a while, we actually began dating. Mind you that he was my first boyfriend and I was his first girlfriend, so you can talk about the first love thing." Tori explained. Jade listened carefully. She knew that she actually didn't know a lot about Tori's past, before she came to Hollywood Arts.

"While I was grieving and creating problems I could fix, I managed to alienate myself from all my friends I had back then. But Danny never left my side. He stood by me no matter what, and I kept doing my thing regardless. One day, I began to complain about him. He tried to change the things I had complained about, but I always came with new excuses. One day, I just screamed at him and ran off. I ran into another guy from school who I knew had a crush on me. I thought that I deserved something good for a change, after Danny had made me so many problems. I know it sounds crazy, but that was my mentality back then. So I kissed the guy, for no reason whatsoever. Unfortunately, Danny had run after me and saw the whole thing. When I saw him standing there, biting both lips down and turning around to leave, I finally understood what I had done. I ran after him, but he ignored me the way I did ignore you. I only grew angrier at him for this, but also was happy because it was another problem I could focus on instead of grieving. But when I got a chance to talk to him and told him that it was his fault, he only shook his head at me. He apologized and walked away. I never felt so shitty in my life, not before that moment and not after that moment. The next year I had spent alone, without friends or anyone, thinking about what I had done. When I finally faced my true problems, I got over them and ended up in Hollywood Arts later that year. The rest you know." Tori finished. Jade listened the whole time, gently squeezing Tori's arm from time to time to both let her know that she was listening and that she was still there.

"But, when he came to our school, he said you broke up with him." Jade said, remembering the day she met the young man. Tori left out a small laugh.

"Yeah, he protected my image. Even after everything I did to him, he stilled cared about me. That was why he kissed me that day, even when he was with Cat at that point. I felt so bad that day. I practically hurt Cat the way I hurt him before and lowered him to my level." Tori said, letting out a long sigh in the end.

"Cat forgave you a long time ago, Tori. And I'm sure Danny did even sooner than her." Jade said as she looked at Tori, who had tears running down her face by now.

"I know, but still. I've done so many mistakes, and yet I've received new chances again and again. I only wish for you to get the same." Tori said when she looked down at Jade. Their eyes met that moment, saying more than words ever could. Tori leaned down and closed the distance, their lips meeting in a long kiss which managed to replace the sadness that had filled with air with a now familiar, warm, comfortable feeling. They both separated after a minute, breathing becoming necessary, their eyes meeting again.

"I love you." Those three words left Jade's lips sooner before she could even think about them. Neither Tori nor her had said those words to one another until now. They did admit slowly falling for the other but never were those three exact words spoken. Jade watched Tori's smile grow even wider, She saw new tears form themselves in Tori's eyes.

"I love you too, Jade. And that will never change." Tori said before leaning down and kissing Jade again. When they separated, both looked up at the beautiful night sky, observing a meteor shower beginning right that moment. Both gasped at the view Mother Nature had prepared. Jade again wished it would make time stop, letting them stay like this forever. After so long, Jade felt a genuine smile curl itself on the edge of her mouth. After so long, Jade could claim to be something she hadn't been since she was ten. Jade was truly happy.


	20. More fatherly love

„And then you said that you love her? " Cat asked, looking at her best friend with wide eyes. Jade had told her about what happened the night before with Tori and how they had spent the whole night in that hammock.

"Yes, it just… came out. Before I knew I had said that and believe me, those must have been the scariest few seconds in my life." Jade said with a chuckle. "And then she told me that she loved me too." Jade said, her smile widen even more.

Jade called Cat that morning and asked her if they could have breakfast together. Tori was still asleep when Jade left, but not before giving her sleeping girlfriend a small peck on the cheek. While she was walking to the place they agreed to meet on, Jade changed her relationship status on The Slap to "In a relationship", and Tori must have woken up by now because she accepted the request. Now, everybody knew. She was in a relationship with Tori Vega. The notifications went trough the roof, but she didn't care. She was really happy now, after so many years of sadness and despair.

"I can't remember the last time I've seen you this happy." Cat said with a small smile, although she was on the edge of tears. Her best friend was genuinely smiling. After everything she went through, after she tried to kill herself, even after her family left her to rot on the street, Jade was happy now.

"I can't remember the last time I was. But now, I am, and I want to keep it that way. I've decided to continue my sessions with Robbie's cousin. I don't care what I have to do, I want this to work." Jade told Cat in a serious voice, yet the smile on the edge of her lips never left.

"Do you even know how proud I am of you?" Cat said while a single tear found its way down her cheek. Jade reached over the table and wiped the tear away gently. "I'm sorry, I'm just so… happy for you right now. You look better; the rings under your eyes are gone which only means that you finally get enough sleep, you don't sound broken anymore… I got my old Jade back." Cat said with a voice that broke in the end. She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to subdue the sob which wanted to escape. Jade got up and sat down next to Cat. She put an arm around Cat's shoulder and tried to calm her down.

"Kitty, why are you crying?" Jade asked, not understanding why her best friend had just broken down on such good news.

"I… I didn't think I would see this happening. Too many things had gone wrong in the past but now… I'm just glad that things went right this one time." Cat said trough her sobs. Jade only hugged her closer, now understanding what was going on. She had to admit that Cat was right with this one. Had someone told her a few weeks ago how things would turn out, she would have laughed at them before insulting them some more.

"I didn't think I would either." Jade said in a weak voice. "But it's happening. It's real and I'm not going to let it change again. I've had enough of the bullshit going on in my life. I deserve another change. I deserve to be happy, and I want to be happy. I really do." Jade said with newfound confidence. Cat raised her head to look at her best friend. She saw that Jade meant it. After all this years, Cat could read Jade like a book if she decided to, and right now, she did. Her words were honest. They were genuine. Cat found herself smiling again despite the tears. To both of them, it seemed that their nightmares slowly came to an end. Jade's nightmare of depression slowly began fading away with new will to live and enjoy life. Cat's nightmare of slowly watching her best friend fall apart without her able to stop it changed the moment Tori decided to get involved again. With Tori's help, they managed to do what even Jade herself deemed impossible. They changed her life to the better.

"Let's go see if Tori's up. She probably freaked out when she noticed I wasn't there yet." Jade said with a small smirk. She knew how much Tori cared about her, after all the half Latina proved it more than once. After everything she had done for Jade, Jade allowed the doubts to come up and try to knock her confidence in her girlfriend down. The doubts didn't manage to. For quite some time they only crumbled like the ocean's waves against the rocks. It was one giant boulder less for her mind. With Beck, she used to have doubts all the time. It became so bad at one point that if she even let her guard down for a moment, the doubts in the whole relationship would drown her in mere moments. But with Tori it was different. Just as her touch was more intense than Beck's ever had been, as her hug was more protective than his, as her presence made her feel more safe than Beck's ever did; something about her made Jade only more secure in what she was feeling. It was something she couldn't explain, but it was there and it was so strong and intense that there was no way of her ignoring it. She tried to, but there was no use.

Last night, she wanted to know just how strong Tori actually had made her. She dropped her guard, allowing every bad emotion she had held back to try and overtake her. But there were none, not while she was in Tori's arms. It was the one thing Tori managed to do over everyone else. More than Beck ever did, more than Cat ever did. Tori tamed all those bad feelings, making them retreat like wild animals when they sense that they have no chance in the fight. It was because Tori did understand those feelings. It was because Tori knew them all herself. The others didn't. That was why they were intimidated by them. People are the most afraid of the things they don't understand.

After a long walk they both arrived at the Vega residence. It was around noon already and Jade knew that the Vega's were already off to work while Trina probably stayed in her room and cried because she had no friends. Jade opened the door and both girls walked inside.

"Why do they never lock the door?" Cat asked.

"No idea. They do have more luck than brains tough. I wonder how nobody robbed them or anything." Jade answered as they walked towards the couch and sat down. Jade turned on the TV and handed the remote to Cat, who immediately turned it to Boomerang. Jade rolled her eyes while Cat didn't give a damn, focused on the TV while Wacky Racers was running. Jade got up and walked towards the fridge, opening it and taking a bottle of cold orange juice out. She took two glasses and carried them towards the table in the living room. She placed them all down and shook her head while Cat was laughing at every gag the cartoon decided to do.

"You are way to easily entertained." Jade said before she walked upstairs to check where Tori was. She opened Tori's door to find the half Latina still in her bed, snuggled up to the pillow and sleeping peacefully. Jade lied down next to her and slowly woke her up by gently kissing her neck first, then the bottom of her jaw, slowly working up towards her lips. When she noticed her moving in for more, she moved away, an evil grin on her face. Tori opened her eyes and looked at her girlfriend next to her. A few moments later, she realized what Jade had done.

"You are a freaking tease, you know that?" Tori said with a pout. Jade's grin didn't disappear. She leaned in one more time, Tori opening her mouth a little bit waiting for the kiss, but Jade stopped right before they made contact, feeling Tori exhale sharply in disappointment.

"Cat's downstairs. We shouldn't keep her waiting." Jade said as she got up and walked out of the room. She heard Tori groan loudly before she walked back down the stairs and sat down next to Cat. Tori came down shortly after that, looking a little upset. She sat down next to Jade, who took her hand immediately and gave it a light squeeze, a little apology for teasing her this much. Tori's frown disappeared soon after that. It was always that way. No matter what Jade did, Tori couldn't stay angry for too long. She loved her too much to do so.

The girls decided to watch some movies. They didn't have school or anything better planned anyway, and it was a long time since the three had spent some time together. They ended up watching one of Cat's choices. It always ended up that way.

"Why are we watching The Little Mermaid?" Jade asked, leaning her head on Tori's shoulder.

"Because Cat wanted to watch it." Tori said nonchalantly.

"But why did we agree?"

"Can you say no to her?" Tori now said in a half annoyed tone. Jade looked over at the small redhead, who seemed mesmerized by the movie she knew better than the director and screenwriter combined. She watched Cat mouth everything the character would say a second before they actually did.

"I thought you were immune to those puppy eyes." Jade said half annoyed herself. The worst part was that she knew the movie better than the writer and director too. Why? Because Cat had made her watch it at least a thousand times already.

"Well, I was wrong." Tori deadpanned. Jade let out a small chuckle. It was rare for Tori to deadpan something, only making it even funnier when she actually did.

Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door. The girls' attention shifted from the TV to the front door. Tori got up and walked towards the door, freezing where she was standing when she saw Mr. West standing there, red from anger.

"What are you doing here?" Tori asked him in an angry voice. How dare he come here after everything he did to Jade?

"You must be Tori. Where is Jade?" He asked, his voice nearly breaking out of anger.

"Why the fuck would I tell you?" Tori retorted, only making the tall man even angrier.

"What's going on? Who are you talking…" Jade stopped the moment she saw her dad standing there. The last time she saw him, he beat her while she was in the hospital because she refused to go to a mental asylum.

"So it is true. Not only do I have a useless, crazy, suicidal moron who wasted so much of my money on a performance school because of her retarded dreams, but she is also a fucking homo? Are you really a fucking dyke? Are you?" He screamed at her. She felt the tears run down her cheeks. For whatever reason, his words always managed to burn her like acid. She didn't know why. She tried to ignore it and did for many years, but it never changed. She never could stay apathetic to his words, no matter how much she tried to. And right now, his words were bringing back every bad emotion she had locked away successfully for so long now.

"How… how did you…" She stuttered, her voice not managing to leave her throat.

"Wilson's daughter saw it on that stupid page you all use. She told him and he immediately called me. Are you happy now? Are you? Now you made me look even worse in front of everyone. I have a crazy, suicidal fucking faggot as my daughter. You will ruin me with your stupid antics!" He yelled out at her.

"Fuck you! This isn't about you or your fucking image! I finally am happy with my life! I was until you showed up again! You know what? I don't give a fuck what you or your clients think about me! I don't give a fuck if you approve of my relationship with Tori! You can disown me as far as I'm concerned! You never were a good father anyway!" Jade yelled at him, not holding back a single word.

"You…you…you stupid, little slut!" He said as he grabbed her by the shoulder. She screamed in pain because of his grip. She tried to pull away, but he was too strong for her.

Out of nowhere, she felt his grip loosen as he screamed in pain himself. She opened her eyes to see him kneeling down before Tori hit him with her knee right in the jaw, knocking him out cold for a moment.

"Get out of my house before I call the police and rearrange your face while I wait!" Tori yelled at him with a voice so angry it made Jade gasp in fear for a moment. Mr. West caressed his jaw while he dragged himself away. The moment he was out of the house, Tori shut the door and locked it. She let out a loud sigh before she turned away to see both Cat and Jade stare at her in disbelief. Cat had jumped to Jade's side the moment Mr. West let go of her.

"How…? Where…?" Jade tried to ask, but was too confused and shocked to form any real sentence.

"It does help when your father was the self defense instructor in a police station for a while. He taught me and Trina how to take care of ourselves if it ever became necessary. Trina took it to another level tough while I didn't bother." Tori explained as she walked towards Jade and wrapped both arms around her, hugging her closely to herself. "Are you alright?" Tori asked in a concerned voice.

Jade broke down that moment, not being able to stop her tears. All the things she had buried deep inside herself were now set free. Tori and Cat could only watch while she was sobbing uncontrollably. But to Jade, it only meant one thing. She would finally face her inner demons.


	21. Second Chance?

Lout thuds could be heard from the garage of the Vega house. The thuds came from the wild punches Jade was delivering to the boxing bag Mr. Vega had brought days ago. She thanked the universe for it, because right now, she needed to let off a lot of steam and if the bag wasn't here, something else would be broken.

Jade didn't care that it was two in the morning. She didn't care that the others were sleeping and she could wake them up. The only thing she did care about was getting the anger she had since her father's appearance out of her system. His words had stabbed into her like knives into butter, breaking every last piece of resistance she had. She had let her guard down that day, but she should have known better. Every time she seemed to become happy, someone or something ruined it. It wasn't the first time her father did it tough.

Jade decided to try what the shrink had told her and face the inner demons she had locked away for years now. She let the memories reappear slowly, one by one.

The first bad memory came with the age of five. It was when her father got his fucking job and had to move to Hollywood. Jade had lost her then best friend because of that. She had cried and screamed and begged and pleaded and tried everything, but to no avail. Her father made his decision and her mother took his side. She always had done that. The woman was a yes-sayer in every aspect of life. After all, she was a nobody, not even having finished high school, and she knew that she would be screwed without him. Jade felt her punches become harder and stronger, the memories giving her only more fuel she could use.

The second memory that came to her mind was the first time her father left them. It was for only a week but she remembered the argument. She was only seven, but by that time her parents had already begun arguing like crazy. Her father was never at home, working all the time while her mother was throwing away money without half a care. The more he made the more she spent. He called her up on that one day, and she responded only with arrogance and accusations. It was when Jade found out that she was a "mistake", as her father had called her, only for her mother to say that she was "his mistake" and that he should pay for it. That night he got his stuff and left. Jade walked downstairs, not believing what her young ears had heard that day. She walked over to her mother and tried to hug her, to be some type of support to her. But her mother only pushed her away and told her that it all was her fault. It was also the first time Jade remembered her mother drinking. A habit she didn't get rid off.

Then Jade remembered the day she met Cat for the first time. She was only ten years old, but already had built a wall around herself so she couldn't be harmed more. She met Cat during piano classes, the only activity Jade had loved then. Jade felt her punches stop at the good memory. She gasped for air while the memory kept going, remembering how her teacher introduced her to Cat. She had immediately found a liking to the then brunette. She didn't know why, but for some reason, Cat had easily managed to get past her wall. Cat was the first person who gave Jade a genuine hug, that happening the first time Jade had met her. She couldn't remember her parents ever doing it. She couldn't remember anyone ever doing it until then. Cat was the first one who truly did care about her. She didn't have to, but Cat did anyway. Cat was the first person Jade ever spilled her heart out to. But when she brought Cat home for a sleepover once, her mother had forbidden her to be friends with her. It was the first time Jade's rebellious side had appeared, her directly disobeying her mother. Since then, she did everything she knew her parents would hate. It was only by luck that they seemed to hate everything she loved. The tattoos, the piercing, the Goth style and the rebellious nature were always things she did love, but she only loved them more when she realized her parents hated it. It was all a way to pay them back, even if it was only a fraction compared to their doings.

She began punching again when she remembered what had happened a year later. She had found her mother completely wasted on the couch, making out with another guy while her father was away on a business trip. Unfortunately for her, he came back home early. Jade was standing on the stairs when her father walked it. It was the last time she had seen him smiling. He was happy because he came home. He wanted to start things over with his family. He wanted to be a better father. A better husband. Jade watched his smile disappear the moment he saw them. Jade only heard her mother's gasp when she saw him standing there. He rushed towards them and after a few seconds of screams and pleadings, he threw the guy out of the house before he walked back into the living room. It was the loudest argument Jade had heard them have, and it was also their final argument as a married couple. He rushed out of the house with his things, yelling "you've trapped me enough with her. I don't care!" before he slammed the door behind him violently. Jade knew that he meant her. It was true. Her mother always used her as a way to make him stay, to continue taking care of them. She didn't even think about working herself. She was too lazy for that. Her whole life, someone else had worked for her, so in her mind, why would she change this now? Jade remembered walking downstairs, her punches becoming quicker. She began hitting even harder now. She had walked towards her mother, who was crying her eyes out. Jade remembered every word spoken that moment. It was something that was burned in her brain.

"Mommy, don't cry. Everything is going to be alright." Jade tried to reassure her mother. In return, she only got a sneer.

"Alright? Are you out of your fucking mind? Your father just left me! You really are a useless piece of trash Jade. He didn't even love you enough to stay for you. If you were a better daughter, he wouldn't have left! You are the worst mistake in my life!" Her mother told her in a voice so cold and yet filled with hate that it broke Jade's young spirit. Jade didn't say a word before she ran upstairs and locked her door. That night was the first time she did something. It was the first time she took the razorblade. It was the first time her wrists had felt the sharp sensation followed by a calming one. Jade stopped for a moment to observe her wrists. There were many scars after that, each one carrying a memory with it. Yet, the scar that she got that day was the deepest. It was the one that would never heal. Everything changed that day. Her father became the emotionless, self centered asshole he is now. Her mother rushed from rich guy to rich guy, sucking them dry before leaving them for another one. Jade changed too. Every little bit of good spirit she had until then hid away. She build a wall around herself that held of almost everyone for seven years. Cat was the only one who she ever opened up to, but not even she knew all the details. Beck came close to breaking them down, but he gave up at one point. It wasn't his fault. After all, Jade had thrown everything at him to keep him away, regretting it every time she did it.

Her punches stopped when her minded drifted of to Tori. She remembered the first time she saw her, the awful things she had done to her in the past. She remembered spilling coffee on her the first day of school. She remembered faking the eye injury to get Tori expelled. She remembered her attempts to ruin the Prome Tori had set up. She remembered even endangering her health so she could steal the main part in Steamboat Sussie from her. All these things came back in a moment to her, hitting her harder that any punches her father had thrown at her.

But then she remembered what had happened at the hospital. Jade felt her anger rise again to heights she never deemed possible. She ripped the gloves of her fists, leaving them blank before she began wildly punching; releasing all the self hate she had that moment. After everything she had done to Tori, she never flinched. Unlike Beck, she didn't give up on her. She never walked away from her. She never turned her back on her. Even when she wanted to, even when she proclaimed that she would, it was again Tori who saved Jade's ass when Jade thought that it would be too much.

Jade punched the bag one last time before she looked at her now cut, bleeding knuckles. She hugged the bag and leaned on it, completely exhausted from everything. She felt the tears run down her face, but she was too weak to stop them. She was too weak to do anything, so she just barely stood there. Every stored emotion was set free. It was something she didn't want to do, and right now she also knew why. But her father's words were too much. They broke her completely this time.

"Jade?" She heard a familiar voice say softly. Jade didn't turn around. She couldn't. She didn't want Tori to see her completely broken. She couldn't expect her to heal these wounds. Not after everything she had done to her. It wouldn't be fair. She didn't deserve it.

Jade heard her gasp behind her. She wasn't surprised. After all, she must have been a picture to look at right now. Gasping for air and sobbing at the same time while she was covered in sweat and her knuckles were bleeding, having left some blood on the bag. When she tried to turn around, her legs gave in under her. Before she knew it she was on her way down, but two arms safely caught her.

Without saying a single word, Tori picked Jade up and carried her upstairs into the bathroom before she sat her down on the toilet seat. She took a look at Jade's hands and left out a loud sigh.

"Sit here, I'll be right back." Jade heard Tori say. She didn't open her eyes, and even if she did, it would all be blurry from the tears. Not a minute later she heard someone walk into the bathroom. Jade felt a burning on her hand, but the pain from the alcohol was nothing compared to what was going on in her mind. After Tori cleaned the cuts she bandaged Jade's hands and then placed a towel around Jade to clean some of the sweat.

"You scared the hell out of me." Tori suddenly said. Jade raised her head and looked at her girlfriend, her eyes still filled with tears. Tori cupped her cheeks with her hands and gently wiped them away.

"I…scared you?" Jade asked in a weak, raspy voice. It broke Tori's heart to see her like this. It was the worst shape she had seen her in yet.

"I thought… I thought you were gone for good. I thought you…" Tori stuttered, not able to finish her sentence.

"I'm sorry. I… couldn't sleep and I needed to punch something and… I didn't want to scare you. I can't do anything right." Jade finished the last part with a sight before she covered her face with her hands.

"Don't say that." Tori said as she gently took hold of Jade's hands and moved them away. She stood up and helped Jade up too before cupping her cheeks and giving her a soft kiss. She moved away after a moment to look at her girlfriend. "Did it work? Letting off some steam?" Tori asked Jade while she wrapped an arm around Jade's waist and helped her walk to their room.

"It does feel better than just lying somewhere and crying." Jade said with a small chuckle. Tori gave her a weak smile when they reached the room. Tori lied her down on the bed before lying down herself. Tori hugged Jade to herself, remembering how Jade had told her that it always calmed her down. Tori planted a gentle kiss on Jade's forehead before she rested her own against hers, looking right into Jade's emerald green eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tori asked her in a soft, concerned voice. Jade looked at her for a few moments, contemplating about if she should do it or not. If she should let Tori try to heal her again. Yet, during all the thinking, Jade remembered Tori's words. "_I've done so many mistakes, and yet I've received new chances again and again. I only wish for you to get the same._"

"When I was five…"


	22. More losses?

Months passed since Mr. West had decided to wreck havoc in his daughter's life one more time. Ironically, it became the catalyst which Jade needed to begin her road to recovery. Releasing everything bad she had locked away inside herself, Jade found it easier to breathe. She found it easier to think. She found herself calmer and less subtle to getting overwhelmed by her own emotions. The true credit tough has to go to Tori. Jade told her everything that night, having talked until nine in the morning without Tori interrupting her once. While Jade talked, Tori only did two things: hold Jade's hand the whole time and wipe away the tears that were not facing any resistance at that time. Tori listened to every word her girlfriend had uttered. She listened to every story Jade had told, to every explanation Jade had given. Tori found herself finally understanding most of Jade's actions in the past.

When she finished talking, she felt as if the weight of the world had been taken of her shoulders. Still, she was nervous while waiting for Tori to say something. For a minute which had seemed like an eternity to the Goth, Tori was silent, her eyes never looking away from the girl lying next to her. When Tori's hand let go of Jade's, Jade thought her heart had shattered, but the idea went away in a heartbeat after she felt the hand on her back, only to be pulled closer to the half Latina.

"You are so strong." Were Tori's words that shocked Jade more than anything in her life had before. She was called many things in her life: gank, demon, cold-blooded, wicked witch, mistake, slut and many more bad things, especially by her parents. But never before had someone titled her as strong.

"How am I strong?" Jade asked in a voice so weak it would make Cat's seem like a roar.

"You have endured all this for so many years now, keeping it all to yourself. It took what, ten years for you to snap? I don't know anyone who could last this long and still do the amazing things you managed to. I know I couldn't. No chance. And even now, you are still fighting." Tori explained before she placed her hand on the back of Jade's head and pulled her in for a long, passionate kiss.

"If you managed to fight this long all by yourself, then you will definitely win with our help. Andre, Robbie, Beck, Cat and I love you. I promise you, and they will too if they need to, that you will never have to go through anything by yourself ever again. Just let us help you." Tori finished.

That day was the day when Jade's life finally changed. Skipping school that day, Jade went to William and sat down on the couch, not caring that she didn't have an appointment. He didn't seem to care either, as he didn't say a word. Jade told him her whole story again and about what happened the day before. He listened the whole time, writing something down every now and then. When she was done, she looked at him, waiting for his professional opinion, diagnosis, whatever he was going to give her.

"From now on, you will come here once a week and tell me if something important or relevant happened. If you mean what you just told me, then I want you to do a few things: whenever you feel angry, sad, whatever, punch it out of your system. Before you react to anything, sleep it over and make the decision when you no longer are affected by the causing emotion. Think it over then and be honest to yourself about the importance of it. Many times, what at one point seems crucial becomes completely unimportant after a good night rest. When something is bothering you, tell someone. We all are humans. We need the support of the ones we love. And most importantly, don't mistake any of this for weakness. It's not. It requires a lot of strength to admit that you need help. Try it. Take one step at a time and use your experience to help decide."

Jade did all that, and it showed not too long after that. The emotions didn't overwhelm her as often as they used to. She did have relapses from time to time, a panic attack one time or getting sad or angry for no particular reason. But instead of hiding it, she told her friends and Tori, who would immediately do their best to change it for the better.

Right now, Jade was lying in the hammock Tori had set up months ago. She was looking at the beautiful night sky, thinking about what the future could hold for her. Truth was, she was scared. She had a lot to loose if things went wrong again, and she wasn't yet a big optimist. She knew that the gang would split up, and that scared her. What scared her the most tough was either Tori, Cat or even both not ending up in the same city as her. She couldn't imagine her life without the two most important people in her life. She didn't want to imagine it. The past years she could have spent with them were wasted because of everything. Instead of enjoying every moment with them she was engulfed in her own twisted mind. Instead of creating good memories and experiences she was searching for the bad ones herself. Jade let out a small chuckle. She would find the irony of her life funny if she hadn't already found it pathetic. The girl who always bragged about how she didn't need anyone was on the verge of tears from the single possibility that Cat and Tori could end up in another city or even state.

Jade heard footsteps coming her way. She knew who it was already, after all, they were the only two at home right now. Trina was on a date with some guy while the Vega's decided to have a date themselves, citing the necessity of some "lone time together" as a reason. So they took off for the weekend, somewhere where they could be alone and do exactly what everyone thinks they are doing.

"Is everything okay?" Jade heard the familiar question from the familiar voice. Tori had been supportive all the way the whole time. She went with Jade to every appointment she had with William, she trains with Jade when the other has to let of steam, she was there every night if Jade ended up having a relapse, ready to calm her down as she always did. Tori only added up more things Jade was grateful for, reaching a point where Jade knew that she could never repay her.

"No, it's not." Jade said in a honest voice followed by a loud sigh. She saw Tori sit down on the grass next to the hammock.

"What's wrong?"

"How much more do you think I will loose before I snap again?" Jade asked in a emotional voice. She didn't even hold back the tears. There was no use. Tori had seen her cry so often before. Holding them back didn't do any good.

"What are you talking about? What are you loosing?" Tori asked in a confused voice. She knew that it was something serious. That it wasn't some dumb thing Jade found to complain about. After what had happened to her, she didn't give a damn about the small things anymore. That was one of the good things her experience had brought.

"We all could end up in different cities in a few months. The gang will fall apart. And if Cat or you end up in another city…" Jade didn't finish the sentence, instead burying her head in her hands. "I can't take any more losses, Tori. I can't."

"Jade, why do you think that this could happen?" Tori asked her while she got up and took Jade's hands.

"Experience." Jade said bluntly, leaving Tori only more confused.

"Every time I begin to recover, every damn time I begin to feel better, I begin to believe that the crap is finally over, something happens that knocks me right back. I get back with Beck, and boom, we end up in an argument the next day. I tried to reconnect with Cat, and what happens, I almost got her and her mom in trouble with her boss. I could go on. But the story is always the same. I decide to change my life for the better, it starts good and then, for whatever fucking reason, something punches me down again. It will probably happen soon, because right now, things are just too good to me." Jade explained. She felt the hammock shift as Tori lied down next to her, holding her arms on her stomach and observing the night sky.

"And what if things went right this time? They have been in the past two months."

"Yeah, two months out of thirteen years."

"It's still something. And even if we all ended up in different cities, we will still stay in contact. I promise you that I will visit you every second weekend, no matter what. And I'm pretty sure Cat will do that too, so every weekend, you would have one of us over." Tori said, trying to reassure Jade.

"It's not the same. The past few months, I've spent every day, every hour with you, and I don't want it to stop. I've seen Cat at least six days a week and I don't want to reduce it to two days every fourteen. I need the two of you more than you think. Call me crazy if you want to, but without the two of you, I wouldn't be even alive. I don't want to loose you in any way or form. I couldn't take it." The last part left Jade's lips as a sob. Tori immediately shifted to wrap her arms around her crying girlfriend.

"You will never loose me, I promised you that before and I can do it again. I don't care how far away we both could end up, I don't care how long we don't see each other, I will not give up on us. If your experience did show you something then it was that you can survive everything life decides to throw at you and that together, we can overcome anything. Have faith in us. It's all in our hands, and I will do everything I can to keep you in my life." Tori told her. Jade felt calmer at Tori's words,

"Then I will fight too. I'm not going to loose anything anymore. I'm tired of being the one making the sacrifices." Jade said in a calmer voice, the tears slowing down. She glanced at her girlfriend, noticing the smile Tori now had on her face. "Can we go to Cat's place?" Jade asked suddenly. "I… from thinking about this, I already miss her. Please, Tori." Jade pleaded.

"Sure, I'll just give her a call and let her know." Tori said while she let Jade out of her grasp and got up. She walked into the house, searching for her phone. Jade sat up in the hammock, letting her legs hand barely above the ground.

"I can't loose them. I won't loose them." Jade thought before she got up and walked back inside.


	23. The last obstacle

The drive to Cat's place didn't take long. Tori parked her car in front of the Valentines house and looked right at her girlfriend.

"I'm going to meet Andre. I haven't seen him all week. If you want me to pick you up later, give me a call." Tori told her. Jade's words hadn't left Tori apathetic. She knew that Jade was right and that the gang could be separated soon. Naturally, she wanted to see her best friend too. He means to her as much as Cat means to Jade after all. She would catch up with Cat later. Right now she knew that Jade needed Cat more, and Jade's well being was her top priority.

"Alright. Tell him I said hi. See you later." Jade said before she leaned in to give Tori a kiss goodbye. After a minute, Jade got out of the car and walked inside the Valentines house, not bothering to knock. Cat knew she was on her way and the Valentines could piss off as far as she was concerned. She made her way upstairs and stopped in front of Cat's room before she knocked twice and walked in. A smile formed on Jade's lips when she saw Cat sitting in front of her laptop happily editing and redesigning some of her dresses. The girl was a natural in that aspect, spending every free moment with creating dresses, starting them on paper and in the end finishing them on her PC in the software Tori and Robbie had given her last year for her eighteenth birthday.

"Hi!" Cat said happily while she got out of her chair and walked over towards the Goth before hugging her. Jade hugged her back immediately. Cat let go, but Jade wasn't. Cat noticed, getting worried quickly. "Is something wrong?" Cat asked in a concerned tone. She hadn't seen Jade act like this before.

"I don't want to lose you." Jade said, confusing Cat completely with her statement.

"Lose me? What are you talking about? You won't lose me." Cat told her in a half confused, half shocked voice before hugging Jade back.

"High school is almost over Cat. We all are going off to different towns. Different colleges. I won't be able to see you everyday. I won't be able to hand out with you all the time. I won't be able to come over to your place when I feel bad. I don't want to lose that, Cat. I can't. I can't live without it. I can't live without you being close." Jade said, crying openly.

"Jade…"

"I'm tired of everyone I care about being taken away from me." Jade said as she pulled away from Cat, walking around the room. "I'm tired of my depression. I'm tired of me freaking out about things which haven't even happened as I am now. I'm tired of still thinking about this!" Jade said as she pulled her sleeve up to reveal the old scars. "And if I end up alone again, I know it will happen." Jade finished before covering her eyes with her hand.

"You won't be alone, Jadey." Cat told her as she sat down on the bed, looking at her best friend.

"Somehow I always end up feeling like that."

"But it's not true. You know that I will always be there for you. Nothing will change that. I don't care if one of us ends up on the other end of the world, it changes nothing!"

"Cat…"

"I've known you for eight years now, Jade. Eight years in which we both, you and I, watched the other go through hell and back, always helping the other out. If we outlasted all this, if even our parents couldn't manage it, what makes you think that distance can end this friendship, Jade?"

Jade stayed silent, looking down in shame. Cat was right; they went through hell back together more than once. And despite Cat always staying loyal to her, she still doubted her and their friendship. She doubted it when she thought Tori had replaced her. She doubts it now when she thinks that living in a different city will end it. Jade walked over to where Cat was sitting and sat down next to her. Cat didn't waste a second to throw her arm around Jade's shoulder and rest Jade's head on her shoulder.

"I promise you, no matter what, no matter when, no matter where I am, if you need me I will be there for you. I will come visit you every weekend if you want me to. Just stop doubting our friendship Jade. I won't life to take you away from me." Cat told her with a secure and determined voice. She meant every word she said.

"Thank you. For everything." Jade said, a small smile forming on her face.

The graduation came quickly and the gang passed all the exams with great grades. They all applied to the colleges they wanted to. Their choices weren't the same, but they made sure to apply to the same cities. In the best case, they would end up living half an hour away from each other. That was everything Jade had hoped for. That was why she was pacing up and down in her room, constantly refreshing the college's webpage like a maniac. The F5 button on her laptop was near breaking from the usage, but she didn't care. The results would be up every minute while the seconds seemed like eternities to her. She refreshed the page again, but still nothing. She left out a loud groan, desperation and stress taking over.

"Upload the results, you dumb fucks!" Jade yelled at the screen, even feeling a bit better from it. She heard the door open and Tori walking in with a small, sympathetic smile.

"Cursing won't speed it up." Tori said with a chuckle.

"Well, it does help me." Jade answered in an annoyed tone, letting out another long sigh.

"I got in." Tori said, getting Jade's attention. Jade ran over to her and hugged Tori quickly before giving her a kiss.

"Congratulations. I knew you would make it." Jade said, genuinely happy for her girlfriend before her faced dropped back to the stressed expression. Tori cupped her cheek with her hands, making Jade look at her.

"Remember, it changes nothing." Tori told her as she looked Jade in the eyes. Tori's phone then ringed, having received a text message.

"Who is it from?" Jade asked, refreshing the webpage again. Still nothing. She looked back at Tori, to see a wide smile appearing on her face.

"Andre got in." Tori said in a happy voice. Her best friend would be only a walking distance away from her. She wouldn't end up alone in the new town, that was for sure.

Then Jade's phone rang. She read the message and smiled herself.

"So did Cat." Jade said before sighing again. She was a nervous wreck by now.

Beck and Robbie sent messages themselves not too long after that. Both got into their respective faculties. Now, everyone was waiting for Jade. She didn't know why it took her university so long.

"Imagine if I was the only one who didn't get in. If I had to go to another town…" Jade began, but stopped when she felt Tori hug her around the waist.

"It changes nothing." Tori repeated. Her words calmed Jade down a bit. Jade leaned back, allowing herself to calm down in Tori's arms. They stood like this for five minutes before Jade walked over to the laptop to refresh again. This time however, the results were on. Jade's hand began trembling as she tried to click on the link, succeeding only after a few miss clicks. Tori watched her girlfriend nervously read through the list. A moment later, Jade fell back into the chair, covering her face with her hands. Tori's heart broke when she saw it, immediately rushing to Jade's side.

"Jade, it's alright. We will make it." Tori said.

"I know." Jade said as she removed her hands, tears running down her cheek. Tori then looked at the screen, immediately seeing what made Jade cry. She looked at the number one on the list. The student with the most points. It was Jade. She got in.


	24. Sweet Victory

„Miss West, I can't even explain to you how happy I am to have you as my guest on my show. " The host said. The audience applauded the now famous screenwriter and director.

"I'm glad to be here." Jade said with a wide smile.

"So, just to summarize, you've finished college two years ago, right?"

"Right."

"And in a matter of two years, you wrote a script, found a studio that would produce a movie adaptation and then directed it yourself?"

"All true."

"And then you managed to get nominated for multiple awards, including the Academy Awards, for best director and best picture?"

"That's right. Unfortunately, I didn't win any." Jade said as she shrugged her shoulders.

"I know that many think you should have won."

"Well, it would be too much for a debut to do this. I'll get one award one day tough. They won't get rid of me that easy." Jade answered with a smirk, sending the crowd into another round of applause. The host took a book from his table.

"Well, it looks you gave them a small break because now you are attempting to overtake the world with your book, called "Fall and Rise", that will come out this winter in all bookstores. I know that you are a great screenwriter, but what was it that got you to try your hands on traditional writing and what is this book about?"

"My move, The Unforgiven, is based on my life story, actually. A young girl going through depression, family issues, self doubts and all that before coming to the point of attempting suicide, surviving through sheer luck and then struggling with recovery. All that happened to me, but movies, as much as they allow a great portrayal through the actors' emotions and visualization, still are limited in many aspects. Time was always an issue. Things I did that couldn't be shown to keep a T rating and much more. Not to mention the fact that it was about the girl finding love in another girl. You can imagine how many freaked out only about that fact. In my book tough, I have absolute freedom to write about what I want as detailed as I want to and even give personal commentary on such situations from my perspective now. It's something I couldn't do on the screen, and I think it is a story that needs to be told." Jade explained, every now and then glancing into the audience, more precisely into one person.

"So it's true that the only reason you survived was because two of your friends came to your place that moment?"

"Yes. Had I not forgotten my wallet at school that day, we wouldn't be talking now."

"And one of the girls who came to your house that day is in the audience?" The host asked.

"Yes, she is. It's the gorgeous brunette in the first row with the red jacket." Jade said, the camera turning immediately to Tori who smiled and waved at it.

"You two are together for how long now?"

"Seven years. It's actually our anniversary today."

"Well, congratulations then. Victoria Vega has become one of the surprises this year with her solo album storming the charts and even reaching the number one spot for two weeks. I imagine you two must be more than happy with such a great start."

"We are. And I wouldn't have made it without her. Or any of the people who you will read about in Fall and Rise."

"Let's talk about those people, because there are quite some names in here. Victoria is the most prominent one, followed by Cat."

"Yes, Catherine Valentine. The actor, owner of her own Design Company and my best friend. It's her dresses that Victoria and I are wearing during the big shows. And I still have to see anyone say anything bad about them. " Jade said with a smile. Their friendship didn't budge through the years. Even with all the work they had, they regularly saw each other. Even in college, Cat's apartment was in the same building as Tori's and Jade's.

"Beck Oliver? The Beck Oliver?" The Host said in little disbelief.

"Yes, the Beck Oliver. I can proudly say that I dated the academy award winning actor and hottest bachelor of Hollywood for three years." Jade said with a chuckle. Beck's career took off when he got a supporting part in Martin Scorsese's newest Mob movie which also included people like Robert De'Niro and Al Pacino. Beck's performance was astonishing, earning him multiple awards, including the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor and making him a star overnight.

"You still stay in contact?"

"Of course. There is a chance he will be in my new movie when it begins filming."

"Seriously? Andre Harris? The Broadway producer and performer?"

"Indeed. If he isn't writing songs for Victoria, he creates musicals." Jade joked. "And yes, we stay in contact. Victoria and I have been to every musical premiere he had, and he has been on the premiere of my movie too. All of them have."

"And Robert Shapiro?"

"Robbie is probably the best special effects guy in the world right now." Jade said with excitement. "I promise you now, he will do all the effects in my next movie, which will be a horror movie, and they will be a big part if the movie manages to succeed." She didn't lie. Robbie and his team was the most demanded special effects crew in the world right now after their received only praise in the last three years. They have been responsible for the biggest blockbusters, especially with the new Marvel movies.

"Miss West, I thank you for coming here, it's been a pleasure. I'm sure your book will be a success as will your career. Fall and Rise, coming out this winter ladies and gentlemen. After the commercial break…"

Jade walked backstage, wanting to get out of the studio and to her Hotel room to change. It was her and Tori's seven year anniversary and she wanted to spend the rest of the day with her girlfriend. Tori was out of the studio a minute later. She saw Jade standing next to her car, her arms crossed as she looked at her watch.

"Let's get out of here. I want to start my week off." Jade said in her usual tone.

"Me too. It's our first one since we started." Tori said as she sat down in the passenger seat.

Once in their room, Jade lied down on her bed, waiting for Tori to finish showering and getting dressed. They had dinner reservations, and they wouldn't be late. It was hard enough to get a table in that place, so being late was not an option.

"Hurry up!" Jade yelled. It was always the same. She was always ready quickly while Tori took her time. And then some more time.

"Five more minutes!" She heard her yell from the bathroom.

"Well, that's at least half an hour." Jade said to herself before she turned on the TV, happy to immediately land on an old horror movie.

Half an hour later, Tori was out of the bathroom, noticing the laughing Jade. She looked at the TV and nearly fell down out of shock when she saw a decapitated body lying on the floor while another woman was crying next to it. She looked back at Jade.

"You still love such things?"

"I always did, I do now and I always will. Just like I love you." Jade said, smirking when she saw Tori blush at that comment. Tori got dressed quickly and they made their way towards the restaurant. It was a block away, so they took the five minute walk, hand in hand. They arrived just at the right time as the doorman led them to their table and a waitress asked them for their order. They ordered what they wanted, everything arriving in a matter of minutes.

"I can't believe we made it." Jade said, looking down for a moment before she looked back at Tori.

"You mean our careers? Well, we did work hard for them."

"No, I mean, everything. Our careers, but mostly us. All of our friends are doing amazingly and so are we. But what I'm happy about the most is that we made it. Seven years. We've been together for seven years now. Had anyone told me that then…" Jade said, ending mid sentence. Writing the screenplay was not easy, as it brought back a lot of the emotions. Still, writing the book was even harder. The memories and everything had left her crying on more than one occasion. Thankfully, Tori had always been there for her.

"Well, I told you then that things would go right. And they did. You have the job you've always dreamt off. Despite everything, you made it." Tori said proudly. That's all she could be. Jade went through hell only to manage to come back and defeat something which had wrecked so many people.

"I made it because of you." Jade said in a soft voice, placing her hand on Tori's. "Had it not been for you, I wouldn't even be alive now. Thank you, for everything. I love you."

"I love you too." Tori said as she leaned in and gave Jade a quick kiss. It couldn't be much more since they still were in a public place.

"Wanna go back to the Hotel?" Tori asked with a smirk. Jade got the hint. Or at least she thought she did.

"Sure." Jade said with a smirk herself. They paid the bill and made their way out of the restaurant and towards their hotel. In front of their room, just as Jade unlocked the door, Tori placed her hands over Jade's eyes.

"What are you doing?" Jade asked, surprised at Tori's antics.

"Just open the door and walk inside." Tori said. Jade did so. She heard the door close behind them.

"What are you doing?" Jade asked again. Tori removed her hands and Jade looked at the room. Her eyes grew wide when she saw the rest of the gang sitting and standing there. Jade rushed over to them, hugging each one of them. She hadn't seen them in a while, having been busy with promoting her book.

"When did you guys come here?" Jade asked, still hugging Cat, who she saw last. "Oh, I missed you."

"We are here since noon. We didn't want to miss this." Andre said with a smirk, which was shared by everyone else.

"Miss what?" Jade asked. She looked back at Tori who walked over to her and took her hands before kneeling down. Jade's legs almost gave away under her body. She swore she would faint.

"Seven years ago, the best thing in my life happened. When you admitted that you were in love with me was the greatest moment in my life. Since then, I've watch you struggle, I've watched you cry, I've watched you relapse, and despite all that, I've watched you get up just when it seemed life would get the best of you. I've watched myself only love you more after each new day we were together. And nothing has changed since then. Every day, I'm only more in love with you. And I want that to last forever. Jade." Tori said, taking out a small box out of her pocket. She watched Jade's face being covered with tears. She didn't blame her. She couldn't. Tori was crying herself after all. "Will you marry me?" Tori finished.

"Yes, yes I will!" Jade said before crushing Tori with a hug and a long kiss.

"Congratulations!" The others yelled before congratulating them. Jade found herself in a big group hug that moment, the people she loved the most showing her that they loved her too.

"Let's get out of her and leave the lovebirds alone." Beck said with a smirk. They all walked towards the door.

"We'll see you tomorrow." Cat said as they left. Tori closed the door and turned around, only to find herself pushed against the door, Jade's lips crushing onto hers. Jade picked Tori up and carried her over to the king sized bed, both landing on it. She forgot about the past. She would think about tomorrow when it came. Right now, she was only enjoying the moment. The present. The now. And right now, she was happy.

The End.


	25. Author's note

I want to thank all of you for reading and reviewing. I hope you had as much fun reading as I had writing it. A new story will come tomorrow, and it will be different that anything else I've written. I won't tell too much, but I hope you will like it.

Also, there are two authors I suggest reading if you liked this.

Lullaby -  s/8148152/5/Lullaby by BlueWolf Leader is a great Jori fanfic on the works. It's really worth the read, so please, give it a shot.

TheLastOfThem is the second author I suggest checking. The two Jori stories that are up are fantastic in every way. Also, if you are into iCarly fics, there is another great fic going.

Thank you again. Hope to read from you soon.


	26. AN

I have a question for all of you readers out there. Better say, I need a little favor.

If anyone of you is skilled and likes to draw, PM me, as I would love for you to draw one of the moments in the story for me and mail me the drawing when it's done. I would really appreciate it.


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